After the day I had yesterday I felt like the characters from Lemony Snickett’s Series of Unfortunate Events. I was just so so done. I needed today to be a good day. Badly. And it was.
What I’m learning is that this whole experience is a faith stretch for me. I have to learn to trust God more. From the outside it may seem that it shouldn’t be difficult. I mean I literally got here on God’s back. I couldn’t have done it without him. Yet and still my faith has been stretched. But God continues to look out for me and lets me know he’s my friend.
You see, I know at this season of my life God’s plan and timing is crucial. If I don’t wait on His timing and His plan, I will be repeating a lot of my past mistakes. Here’s how we create our own plan.
I prayed before I got here that I didn’t want a “real” job. What I meant was I needed a job that allotted me the flexibility I needed to really dance. I felt in my heart that was the desire of God. Yet I get to New York, am unable to find a “real” job and am complaining. Is that not the stupidest thing? God granting me the desire of my heart and I’m over here upset because of how he is granting it. So this is to praise God for his timing. Let’s move on.
We tried to cheat on our pizza guy today. Yes our pizza guy. I never had a pizza guy in my life, but I’ve never consumed this much pizza ever. Oh and you don’t call it pizza. It’s a slice. So I order two slices with pepperoni and throw garlic powder on top. Yum. I’ve digressed. Anyway we go to the same guy 2-3 times a week. When we walk in he makes our order right away. Two slices with pepperoni and one slice with pepperoni and two chicken wings. Anyway we thought we’d try a new place. Hamster had suggested A Slice of Harlem so we make our trek (me and my mom) to get pizza.
As we amble along this dude tries to holler at my mother. Why the heck does every dude in America try to holler at my mom every time we go out? I mean what the heck? She gets more play than me. I mean they can be 20, 30, 40. It doesn’t matter. Of course I look like a total blocker because I’m staring at them sizing them up. I mean am I about to be calling you daddy? Really what I want to do is go back to the slave days and throw her on an auction block and sell her to the highest bidder. At least that way we could get it over with and this negro can stop interrupting our pizza field trip. I’m tired and hungry and freezing. Can you stop telling her all about your life and your credentials so I, I mean we, can eat? Just pull out your little apple iphone and get her number so we can go. Let me just say my mother doesn’t give everyone her number. She’s not a hussy. Just a single, nearly 50 hot babe with a better body after three kids than her 25 year old daughter.
What’s this? Are you serious? We did all this walking just to find the pizza place closed down a month ago? Dang! We should’ve never tried to cheat on our pizza guy. The grass isn’t always greener on the other side of the pizza slice.
Life is completely different when you’re not constantly confined to your car. For instance, I saw a pimp today. A real pimp. Okay honestly I don’t know if he was a pimp but he looked like one. Too funny.
What beat that was this guy in the pizza shop. Definitely played the tambourine. It wouldn’t even be worth mentioning if this guy wasn’t so eccentric. He came in all loud trying to figure out where this girl got her boots. Then he started talking about wanting the same things the girls want. In his left ear was wearing a huge earring in the shape of a seashell. He presumed to lift his leg up to prove he was a dancer. He did this right in front of my mom who let him know that was too much. Then he wanted to talk about his Oprah and Halle wigs. It gets worse. All this was done while he held a gold Gideon Bible in his hand. You know the ones you take from hotel rooms? HE then said someone needed healing and shouted Jesus. I think he may have been talking about himself in the third person and needed healing. Healing from his multiple personalities. Whoever is in there…Oprah, Halle, Wayman from A Low Down Dirty Shame, give this man back his body. He ended his debut by putting one of his old voguing tapes into his tape deck. Yeah no fancy ipods here. Then he vogued in our pizza shop. See what we would’ve missed if we had cheated on our pizza guy?
Lastly, we get home and Jaime informs us that our pet mouse Roger is still here. It’s funny how she’s the only one who sees him. Like Haley Joel Osmont in The Sixth Sense who sees dead people. I’m not even sure if Roger exists. Yes today was a good day.
Sunday, September 21, 2008
Monday, August 18, 2008 I hate this place
Ever have a day you’d like to throw in the trash? A day you want to tell God to take back? Where so many things begin to happen you have to laugh. Laugh or you’ll cry. It’s as if God is playing a practical joke on you. That’s how I felt today.
I still don’t have a job so I go to AppleOne and wait to see if they have any last minute jobs that come up. My recruiter tells me that they usually have jobs every day. But of course the two days I show up nothing happens. So disappointed I go home.
I knew just what would brighten my day…chili. I had had a craving for Chili cheese dogs for a few weeks and clearly there was no Wienerscnitzel (sp?) around. So I start boiling the hot dogs and my mouth is salivating. I can’t wait. I grab the can opener and start to open the chili can. Just my luck the stupid can opener is broken. It only opens parts of the can and by now I am so hungry. I will have this chili if it kills. So I begin to pry it open with a fork, knife whatever. I start using my fingers and even contemplate gnawing on it. It literally took me forty minutes to get a portion of the can open and I’m sweating at this point, but I had my chili. Now it’s time to wash clothes.
Not having the ability to wash your clothes in your home and leave them unattended sucks. I had to lug all of my heavy clothes three blocks on my back to the laundry mat. It costs me 14 quarters to wash a load. Do you know how long it takes to acquire 14 quarters when you don’t really use cash? A long time. I had to go into my little savings bucket and pull out quarters and replace it with dollars. Quarters are hard to come by.
I get all the way to the laundry mat just to discover that I had forgotten detergent or any other products used to wash clothes. This is wonderful. I love New York. So I break one of the things to never do in New York rules and ask this lady to watch my clothes while I run to the store. How dumb was that. I rush to the store and rush back and my clothes are still there. Thank you Jesus. I begin to load my clothes and put in the detergent and then I realize something. I didn’t buy detergent. I bought fabric softener. By this point I’m done. Don’t get me wrong people. I do know how to wash clothes. I didn’t need Clothes washing 101. I just wasn’t paying attention and was having a bad day. I was so through with this day. I shrug my shoulders and decide oh well at least they’ll smell good because I am not going back to the store.
I was talking to this lady about what happened and we’re laughing and at some point I’m thinking she may have pity on me and give me some of her detergent. Of course not. I forgot where I was. Just because this is what I would’ve done doesn’t mean I’m afforded this same luxury. I’m tempted to steal some of her detergent while she is not looking but decide against it. I lug my clothes home and my day gets more depressing so I just rather not harp on it.
I still don’t have a job so I go to AppleOne and wait to see if they have any last minute jobs that come up. My recruiter tells me that they usually have jobs every day. But of course the two days I show up nothing happens. So disappointed I go home.
I knew just what would brighten my day…chili. I had had a craving for Chili cheese dogs for a few weeks and clearly there was no Wienerscnitzel (sp?) around. So I start boiling the hot dogs and my mouth is salivating. I can’t wait. I grab the can opener and start to open the chili can. Just my luck the stupid can opener is broken. It only opens parts of the can and by now I am so hungry. I will have this chili if it kills. So I begin to pry it open with a fork, knife whatever. I start using my fingers and even contemplate gnawing on it. It literally took me forty minutes to get a portion of the can open and I’m sweating at this point, but I had my chili. Now it’s time to wash clothes.
Not having the ability to wash your clothes in your home and leave them unattended sucks. I had to lug all of my heavy clothes three blocks on my back to the laundry mat. It costs me 14 quarters to wash a load. Do you know how long it takes to acquire 14 quarters when you don’t really use cash? A long time. I had to go into my little savings bucket and pull out quarters and replace it with dollars. Quarters are hard to come by.
I get all the way to the laundry mat just to discover that I had forgotten detergent or any other products used to wash clothes. This is wonderful. I love New York. So I break one of the things to never do in New York rules and ask this lady to watch my clothes while I run to the store. How dumb was that. I rush to the store and rush back and my clothes are still there. Thank you Jesus. I begin to load my clothes and put in the detergent and then I realize something. I didn’t buy detergent. I bought fabric softener. By this point I’m done. Don’t get me wrong people. I do know how to wash clothes. I didn’t need Clothes washing 101. I just wasn’t paying attention and was having a bad day. I was so through with this day. I shrug my shoulders and decide oh well at least they’ll smell good because I am not going back to the store.
I was talking to this lady about what happened and we’re laughing and at some point I’m thinking she may have pity on me and give me some of her detergent. Of course not. I forgot where I was. Just because this is what I would’ve done doesn’t mean I’m afforded this same luxury. I’m tempted to steal some of her detergent while she is not looking but decide against it. I lug my clothes home and my day gets more depressing so I just rather not harp on it.
Sunday August 17th
Today didn’t start out quite as I planned. You see I was supposed to be dancing on a float in a parade today, but that didn’t happen. Wait wait let me go back. Generally, I don’t like to do anything work related on Sunday. I mean it’s the Sabbath. The only thing I ever want to do on Sunday is go to church, eat until I feel ten pounds heavier and take a nap. Once I wake up from my nap I want to watch a movie. I love movies. Then at 9:30pm if it wasn’t on hiatus I would watch The Game. Simple day. But today was different. I had convinced myself that missing church to dance in a parade would be cool.
So I got up and got ready. Now don’t get me wrong. I have missed church before for a dance gig here and there. I am not knocking that. It wasn’t that. I just didn’t feel all the way right about missing church this Sunday. But I brushed off the Holy Spirit and walked out the door. Gotta make money right? Wrong!!! Everything isn’t about money.
As I was leaving my mom asked if my roommate had gone to church. I replied yes. She then said I wish she would’ve invited me. I asked if she would have gone and my mom replied that she would’ve. It wasn’t a mean or angry tone but what I heard was a yearning or desire and at that moment I felt my heart break.
If anyone has ever prayed for a relative to get saved or to come back to God then you can understand how I felt. My mother is saved. I was in church when I was in the womb. But like many of us have and do, she took a detour. I’ve been there. But I knew that she yearned to be closer to God and be intimate with Him. So at that moment I felt that longing. Yet and still, I walked out the door.
On the subway I began to read Ezekiel 36 and I just didn’t feel right. Then I knew. Go home and have church and worship with your mom. So I got off the subway going downtown and took the subway going back uptown. Going home.
As I got closer I got excited and overwhelmed.
Never in my life had I worshipped with my mom. That’s huge. It was such a blessing to be able to have the opportunity to do that. It meant that over the years God had heard every prayer I had ever uttered and in his time had answered them. It also made me put my reliance back on God. Work here in New York hasn’t actually manifested itself yet for me and when I don’t have a job or need to make money I go into straight hustle mode. All legal stuff, but I will hustle however to get my bills paid. And thank God I have never experienced what it’s like to not have money for bills. Anyway, my hustle mentality was dueling with my spirit because it said stupid you need that money. I mean it was easy money. A hundred bucks to go dance in a parade for a few hours easy. That’s like $50 bucks an hour. You can’t beat that.
But what example was I showing my mother? What was I telling myself? That I need to rely on me? That making quick and easy money was more important than spending time with him?
So I went home, put on worship music and we worshipped together and prayed together. I don’t know if I have heard anything sweeter than my mother’s voice crying out to God. To hear her pray and say that I had helped bring her closer to God was priceless. To decide that we were going to get up at 6am to pray during the week meant much more than a hundred bucks.
So I got up and got ready. Now don’t get me wrong. I have missed church before for a dance gig here and there. I am not knocking that. It wasn’t that. I just didn’t feel all the way right about missing church this Sunday. But I brushed off the Holy Spirit and walked out the door. Gotta make money right? Wrong!!! Everything isn’t about money.
As I was leaving my mom asked if my roommate had gone to church. I replied yes. She then said I wish she would’ve invited me. I asked if she would have gone and my mom replied that she would’ve. It wasn’t a mean or angry tone but what I heard was a yearning or desire and at that moment I felt my heart break.
If anyone has ever prayed for a relative to get saved or to come back to God then you can understand how I felt. My mother is saved. I was in church when I was in the womb. But like many of us have and do, she took a detour. I’ve been there. But I knew that she yearned to be closer to God and be intimate with Him. So at that moment I felt that longing. Yet and still, I walked out the door.
On the subway I began to read Ezekiel 36 and I just didn’t feel right. Then I knew. Go home and have church and worship with your mom. So I got off the subway going downtown and took the subway going back uptown. Going home.
As I got closer I got excited and overwhelmed.
Never in my life had I worshipped with my mom. That’s huge. It was such a blessing to be able to have the opportunity to do that. It meant that over the years God had heard every prayer I had ever uttered and in his time had answered them. It also made me put my reliance back on God. Work here in New York hasn’t actually manifested itself yet for me and when I don’t have a job or need to make money I go into straight hustle mode. All legal stuff, but I will hustle however to get my bills paid. And thank God I have never experienced what it’s like to not have money for bills. Anyway, my hustle mentality was dueling with my spirit because it said stupid you need that money. I mean it was easy money. A hundred bucks to go dance in a parade for a few hours easy. That’s like $50 bucks an hour. You can’t beat that.
But what example was I showing my mother? What was I telling myself? That I need to rely on me? That making quick and easy money was more important than spending time with him?
So I went home, put on worship music and we worshipped together and prayed together. I don’t know if I have heard anything sweeter than my mother’s voice crying out to God. To hear her pray and say that I had helped bring her closer to God was priceless. To decide that we were going to get up at 6am to pray during the week meant much more than a hundred bucks.
Saturday, August 16, 2008
If one more person uses the line that me and my mom look alike as a way to get her number I will scream. I mean really. Dude, stare at my mom a second longer and you might be meeting Jesus sooner than you think.
I guess as I get older we do look more and more alike. She definitely doesn’t look like her eldest child is 25. What has been cool is my Godmother lives in New York and they were best friends in high school. It is awesome to hear about what my mother was like and see pictures of her in high school. We were both very similar academically but socially we were different. Actually my mom kept to herself and didn’t have many friends. I was like that for a good portion of school. I know it appears that I may have been super social and outgoing but I got teased and picked on a lot growing up. I didn’t even get on the map of being a little popular until I started dating a basketball player my Junior year of High School. Back to my mom. I just like hearing who she was before she was my mom. We don’t talk about it much. Over 30 years of friendship. They’ve been friends longer than I’ve been alive.
Random fact of the day. Nowhere in the state of New Jersey are you allowed to pump your own gas. You don’t even get out of the car. I know this because on our way back from Ikea me, my mom and godmother waited five years to get $3.70/gallon gas outside of the city.
I guess as I get older we do look more and more alike. She definitely doesn’t look like her eldest child is 25. What has been cool is my Godmother lives in New York and they were best friends in high school. It is awesome to hear about what my mother was like and see pictures of her in high school. We were both very similar academically but socially we were different. Actually my mom kept to herself and didn’t have many friends. I was like that for a good portion of school. I know it appears that I may have been super social and outgoing but I got teased and picked on a lot growing up. I didn’t even get on the map of being a little popular until I started dating a basketball player my Junior year of High School. Back to my mom. I just like hearing who she was before she was my mom. We don’t talk about it much. Over 30 years of friendship. They’ve been friends longer than I’ve been alive.
Random fact of the day. Nowhere in the state of New Jersey are you allowed to pump your own gas. You don’t even get out of the car. I know this because on our way back from Ikea me, my mom and godmother waited five years to get $3.70/gallon gas outside of the city.
Saturday, September 13, 2008
Monday, August 14
I had an audition today and I woke up with that on my mind. I felt like it was mine for the taking. I don’t usually feel that way when it comes to auditions or dance. It’s a fight for me to train or go to auditions. My confidence in this area is so shaky. You ever been so scared to fail that you don’t really try so that if you don’t succeed it’s because you didn’t try not because you failed?
So I gathered all the unction I could to go and then of course I leave the house late. Great now I’m going to be late.
There I am sitting on the subway nervous and excited about this audition. A few feet away I spot an older man. I keep staring at him because he looks very familiar. In my mind I think, “Man he looks like Uncle Skeeter.” The man gets closer and I’m in shock because it is Uncle Skeeter! How did he get here from California? Well obviously he flew here but wow. So he’s looking at me and I’m looking at him. He’s squinting his eyes. I’m smiling. I think it took him a minute to recognize me because my hair is always different. He finally recognizes me and we hug and chat. In that moment I felt comfort as he reiterated, “trust God.” How coincidental is it that the day I was late I would get on the same train, in the same car at the same time as Uncle Skeeter who lives 3,000 miles away? But it wasn’t a coincidence. It was divinely orchestrated. God’s way of showing me he has my back.
God is awesome and I don’t give him enough credit. This whole trip has been crazy. See, therein lies a problem there. I called it a trip. It’s not a trip. I moved here yet I haven’t come to grips with that. Many have the assumption that moving here is a dream I was trying to fulfill. I guess in a sense, but it’s easy for someone who has never moved 3,000 miles to say that. Plus there’s the misconception that I moved here to follow my dream of dance. That’s not correct either. But I know it will be ok.
By the way, I rode on the subway an hour to get to Brooklyn and the audition was canceled. Oh well.
Later that evening I went to hip hop class. Just a question. When did hip hop lose its blackness? Literally. I go into class and over the years the amount of black people participating is nil. I see way way more white and Asians. There’s no minority majority up in here.
What I do love seeing is a white boy dance. Let me clarify. What I love to see is a straight white boy dance. Something about it seems unnatural. You shouldn’t be able to move like that but because you can I’m intrigued. It reminds me of cookies n cream ice cream. White ice cream with hints of cookie bits. Black cookie bits. If you’re not understanding what I’m saying watch Channing Tatum in either Step Up movie. I thought I was in love with him for a whole five minutes.
Overall I’m growing more and more content with where I am. Sometimes I get so consumed with getting there I don’t take the time to just enjoy the ride. Guess that’s the control freak in me.
Sidenote. There is an extreme number of crack heads and homeless people in this city. That’s not the proper term. Drug addicts. I mean drug addicts. Often they get a little bold. How you gonna ask for money for food and if I give you food you catch an attitude? Lady, catch an attitude with me again and I will kick you straight in your toothless mouth onto the subway tracks and let the rats gnaw at your toes. Why is it that some people who are in dire straits are so ungrateful? Maybe I wanted to eat the banana that I gave you. Did that ever occur to you? Or that someone gave you their last and you assume they have more than you. They may be going home to an empty refrigerator as well. I was so mad when I saw the same man who was begging on his knees in the train go into a building and buy drugs. Unbelievable. Actually, quite believable. That makes it even worse.
So I gathered all the unction I could to go and then of course I leave the house late. Great now I’m going to be late.
There I am sitting on the subway nervous and excited about this audition. A few feet away I spot an older man. I keep staring at him because he looks very familiar. In my mind I think, “Man he looks like Uncle Skeeter.” The man gets closer and I’m in shock because it is Uncle Skeeter! How did he get here from California? Well obviously he flew here but wow. So he’s looking at me and I’m looking at him. He’s squinting his eyes. I’m smiling. I think it took him a minute to recognize me because my hair is always different. He finally recognizes me and we hug and chat. In that moment I felt comfort as he reiterated, “trust God.” How coincidental is it that the day I was late I would get on the same train, in the same car at the same time as Uncle Skeeter who lives 3,000 miles away? But it wasn’t a coincidence. It was divinely orchestrated. God’s way of showing me he has my back.
God is awesome and I don’t give him enough credit. This whole trip has been crazy. See, therein lies a problem there. I called it a trip. It’s not a trip. I moved here yet I haven’t come to grips with that. Many have the assumption that moving here is a dream I was trying to fulfill. I guess in a sense, but it’s easy for someone who has never moved 3,000 miles to say that. Plus there’s the misconception that I moved here to follow my dream of dance. That’s not correct either. But I know it will be ok.
By the way, I rode on the subway an hour to get to Brooklyn and the audition was canceled. Oh well.
Later that evening I went to hip hop class. Just a question. When did hip hop lose its blackness? Literally. I go into class and over the years the amount of black people participating is nil. I see way way more white and Asians. There’s no minority majority up in here.
What I do love seeing is a white boy dance. Let me clarify. What I love to see is a straight white boy dance. Something about it seems unnatural. You shouldn’t be able to move like that but because you can I’m intrigued. It reminds me of cookies n cream ice cream. White ice cream with hints of cookie bits. Black cookie bits. If you’re not understanding what I’m saying watch Channing Tatum in either Step Up movie. I thought I was in love with him for a whole five minutes.
Overall I’m growing more and more content with where I am. Sometimes I get so consumed with getting there I don’t take the time to just enjoy the ride. Guess that’s the control freak in me.
Sidenote. There is an extreme number of crack heads and homeless people in this city. That’s not the proper term. Drug addicts. I mean drug addicts. Often they get a little bold. How you gonna ask for money for food and if I give you food you catch an attitude? Lady, catch an attitude with me again and I will kick you straight in your toothless mouth onto the subway tracks and let the rats gnaw at your toes. Why is it that some people who are in dire straits are so ungrateful? Maybe I wanted to eat the banana that I gave you. Did that ever occur to you? Or that someone gave you their last and you assume they have more than you. They may be going home to an empty refrigerator as well. I was so mad when I saw the same man who was begging on his knees in the train go into a building and buy drugs. Unbelievable. Actually, quite believable. That makes it even worse.
Pics from City Island
Why stuff so much food in your mouth like the pigeons are going to steal it?
Our state bird...the pigeon!!!Thursday, September 4, 2008
Wednesday Aug 13
I think that all girls with low self esteem should move to New York. The amount of times you get called beautiful in a day chumps any state. Never in my life have I ever been complimented so much on a daily basis. I’m not bragging it’s just crazy. Do they see something that California men don’t? Is there something in the water, the pizza, the air? I don’t know.
I know I use the word random a lot but that’s the best way to describe this city. I see crazy stuff. Today for instance, I was just walking back from an audition. All of a sudden this guy in front of me drops all of his stuff and starts chasing another guy down the street. That’s it. I don’t know why, but who does that? It was reminiscent of Will Smith chasing that homeless guy down the street for his machine in The Pursuit of Happyness.
Later that day I went to this place called City Island with my godmother’s nephew. You have to drive there and you can see the water. It’s really nice for a non beach. Seagulls were replaced with New York’s state bird the pigeon. Now that’s not the real state bird. That of course is the bluebird, but you know I’ve never seen a bluebird. Rats and pigeons definitely. Question. How come it’s so much easier to make friends with guys than girls or is that only me? I’m definitely not opposed to female friends, it just hasn’t happened yet. My second question is why do people feel the need to stuff way too much food in their mouths? I mean it’s gross. Hamster (my new name for my godmother’s nephew) put more food in his mouth than I knew was humanly possible. And he isn’t the first person I’ve seen do this. It’s like hamsters that hoard their food. I have a theory. I think that these individuals come from families with lots of siblings and so in an effort to not have their food taken they stuff it in their mouths as quickly as possible. Like the person who licks their food in hopes that no one will want it. What do you think? Just a thought.
More random things that have no relation to one another…
1) Yeah so I just saw Step Up 2 and they stole my idea of dancing in a subway. Great now I’m going to look like a total copier.
2) I choose how well I do here. It’s dependent on how hard I work and I plan to work hard!!!
3) The best deodorant ever is Degree Clinical Protection. You put it on at night and when you take a shower in the morning you don’t even have to put more on. It like adjusts to your ph balance so you stay dry and refreshed all day. It’s like the best $7 I ever spent.
4) Did you know you can get syphilis in your back? No I don’t have it. I read it in the paper. Those subway rides are long, you must have reading material.
5) You know the shaky thing people like me do with their leg that gets on people’s nerves. That’s an actual condition called restless leg syndrome and there’s medication for it. I also read that in the newspaper.
I know I use the word random a lot but that’s the best way to describe this city. I see crazy stuff. Today for instance, I was just walking back from an audition. All of a sudden this guy in front of me drops all of his stuff and starts chasing another guy down the street. That’s it. I don’t know why, but who does that? It was reminiscent of Will Smith chasing that homeless guy down the street for his machine in The Pursuit of Happyness.
Later that day I went to this place called City Island with my godmother’s nephew. You have to drive there and you can see the water. It’s really nice for a non beach. Seagulls were replaced with New York’s state bird the pigeon. Now that’s not the real state bird. That of course is the bluebird, but you know I’ve never seen a bluebird. Rats and pigeons definitely. Question. How come it’s so much easier to make friends with guys than girls or is that only me? I’m definitely not opposed to female friends, it just hasn’t happened yet. My second question is why do people feel the need to stuff way too much food in their mouths? I mean it’s gross. Hamster (my new name for my godmother’s nephew) put more food in his mouth than I knew was humanly possible. And he isn’t the first person I’ve seen do this. It’s like hamsters that hoard their food. I have a theory. I think that these individuals come from families with lots of siblings and so in an effort to not have their food taken they stuff it in their mouths as quickly as possible. Like the person who licks their food in hopes that no one will want it. What do you think? Just a thought.
More random things that have no relation to one another…
1) Yeah so I just saw Step Up 2 and they stole my idea of dancing in a subway. Great now I’m going to look like a total copier.
2) I choose how well I do here. It’s dependent on how hard I work and I plan to work hard!!!
3) The best deodorant ever is Degree Clinical Protection. You put it on at night and when you take a shower in the morning you don’t even have to put more on. It like adjusts to your ph balance so you stay dry and refreshed all day. It’s like the best $7 I ever spent.
4) Did you know you can get syphilis in your back? No I don’t have it. I read it in the paper. Those subway rides are long, you must have reading material.
5) You know the shaky thing people like me do with their leg that gets on people’s nerves. That’s an actual condition called restless leg syndrome and there’s medication for it. I also read that in the newspaper.
Monday, September 1, 2008
Monday, August 11, 2008 Idiot
The Mayor calls me this morning asking me if I want to go to breakfast. I figured why not, I’m hungry plus I want to go ahead and have this I’m so not into you conversation. I tell him to meet me at the corner. Before leaving I let Jaime know that I’m leaving and that if she doesn’t hear from me in the next hour call the police. It was a little overboard but this was the first time I had gone to hang out with him without an entourage. I mean his role as a drug lord has yet to be established. I’m convinced he is a part of some type of Black Mafia. Yes a Black Mafia does exist but that’s another story for another day.
We get to the restaurant and I immediately go to the bathroom and text Jaime the address of where I am and when I should be home. You can never be too safe right?
So somehow the issue of dating comes up which is perfect. So I plainly let him know that I am not interested in him or anyone else. I think he must have a hearing problem because he goes on to say that this is a date. I’m sorry, I didn’t know that you could establish that a date was a date after you got there. You can’t do that. That’s totally changing the rules. So I counter back that we are not on a date. This banter goes back and forth a bit and finally he asks what constitutes a date. I inform him that a date is something you go on when you are interested in seeing if you would like to pursue something further. Since I already knew I didn’t want to pursue anything further with him or anyone else, this was not a date. He disagreed. I told him that he could call it whatever he wanted. Shoot call it hockey. I don’t care. It wasn’t a date.
For some reason he was already getting on my nerves, but what he did next made my stomach turn. We were done eating and he grabs a toothpick. That’s fine. But then he begins to pick food out of his teeth across the table from me. I almost threw up my chicken. How gross is that? On top of that his teeth aren’t in the best condition. Dude you are a bazillionaire. Use some of that money to fix your teeth. It’s not that they’re crooked. I’m not that shallow. It’s that some of them have brown spots or something gross on them and he is missing some teeth. I mean come on. You would be grossed out too. At that moment I wanted to take that toothpick and jam it in his hangy ball thing in the back of his throat (also known as the uvula).
By now I’m disgusted and I just want to be out of his sight. We get in the car and for some reason the topic of gold diggers comes up again. I feel like its déjà vu. Is God trying to tell me something? Do I have like a secret gold digger spirit? I mean what’s going on? So he is just rambling. As he talks I remember the advice my mom always said about being careful what you say around people. You never know their background. The Mayor knows nothing about me or my past. So first he starts talking about gold diggers and how men know that they have to pay for sex. That makes me a little uneasy. I scoot closer to the edge of my seat. He says in one way or another they pay for it. He then said that he knows that when he takes a woman out to lunch or a movie that he is paying for sex. At that moment I cut my eyes at him while simultaneously trying to see how I can jump out the car on the freeway and not break every bone in my body. So I ask a very candid question. Did you take me out because you think I’m going to sleep with you? He replies no, but I think he meant yes. Then out of nowhere he begins talking about sex and about women who say they want to wait are suppressing their natural desires and acting like they’re not human. Then he starts talking about pastors having affairs and how he doesn’t see anything wrong with it. He starts talking about priests who molest little boys. He believes that when the boys wait until they’re much older to tell it’s because they are ashamed because they are secretly gay. He used a much lewder term that I won’t repeat. At this point I’m trying to figure out if he is Satan, because he was crazy. So I’m fuming. Just mad, because he is running his mouth and doesn’t know that I don’t want to have sex until marriage or that I have been molested. He knows nothing. Nothing. In the calmest voice possible I tell him that he really needs to watch what he says because his words could be offensive. He didn’t care. He just kept talking. You know the Tootsie Pop commercial. How many licks does it take to get to the tootsie roll center of a tootsie pop?? How many dumb conversations does it take to get to the center of a shallow man? One. Two. Three. Three. Idiot. I don’t think I will be talking to him ever again.
We get to the restaurant and I immediately go to the bathroom and text Jaime the address of where I am and when I should be home. You can never be too safe right?
So somehow the issue of dating comes up which is perfect. So I plainly let him know that I am not interested in him or anyone else. I think he must have a hearing problem because he goes on to say that this is a date. I’m sorry, I didn’t know that you could establish that a date was a date after you got there. You can’t do that. That’s totally changing the rules. So I counter back that we are not on a date. This banter goes back and forth a bit and finally he asks what constitutes a date. I inform him that a date is something you go on when you are interested in seeing if you would like to pursue something further. Since I already knew I didn’t want to pursue anything further with him or anyone else, this was not a date. He disagreed. I told him that he could call it whatever he wanted. Shoot call it hockey. I don’t care. It wasn’t a date.
For some reason he was already getting on my nerves, but what he did next made my stomach turn. We were done eating and he grabs a toothpick. That’s fine. But then he begins to pick food out of his teeth across the table from me. I almost threw up my chicken. How gross is that? On top of that his teeth aren’t in the best condition. Dude you are a bazillionaire. Use some of that money to fix your teeth. It’s not that they’re crooked. I’m not that shallow. It’s that some of them have brown spots or something gross on them and he is missing some teeth. I mean come on. You would be grossed out too. At that moment I wanted to take that toothpick and jam it in his hangy ball thing in the back of his throat (also known as the uvula).
By now I’m disgusted and I just want to be out of his sight. We get in the car and for some reason the topic of gold diggers comes up again. I feel like its déjà vu. Is God trying to tell me something? Do I have like a secret gold digger spirit? I mean what’s going on? So he is just rambling. As he talks I remember the advice my mom always said about being careful what you say around people. You never know their background. The Mayor knows nothing about me or my past. So first he starts talking about gold diggers and how men know that they have to pay for sex. That makes me a little uneasy. I scoot closer to the edge of my seat. He says in one way or another they pay for it. He then said that he knows that when he takes a woman out to lunch or a movie that he is paying for sex. At that moment I cut my eyes at him while simultaneously trying to see how I can jump out the car on the freeway and not break every bone in my body. So I ask a very candid question. Did you take me out because you think I’m going to sleep with you? He replies no, but I think he meant yes. Then out of nowhere he begins talking about sex and about women who say they want to wait are suppressing their natural desires and acting like they’re not human. Then he starts talking about pastors having affairs and how he doesn’t see anything wrong with it. He starts talking about priests who molest little boys. He believes that when the boys wait until they’re much older to tell it’s because they are ashamed because they are secretly gay. He used a much lewder term that I won’t repeat. At this point I’m trying to figure out if he is Satan, because he was crazy. So I’m fuming. Just mad, because he is running his mouth and doesn’t know that I don’t want to have sex until marriage or that I have been molested. He knows nothing. Nothing. In the calmest voice possible I tell him that he really needs to watch what he says because his words could be offensive. He didn’t care. He just kept talking. You know the Tootsie Pop commercial. How many licks does it take to get to the tootsie roll center of a tootsie pop?? How many dumb conversations does it take to get to the center of a shallow man? One. Two. Three. Three. Idiot. I don’t think I will be talking to him ever again.
Saturday, August 9 My Own Legacy
I had an audition today for a photo shoot. I replied to this girl on Craigslist looking for dancers for the launch party of her new clothing line. I guess when she saw my headshots she decided she wanted me to come audition to be one of her models too. Wow what a difference makeup and lighting make. I’m so not a model. I went, she was cool and I felt it went well. We will see what happens.
After that I headed to a street fair celebrating the 50th Anniversary of the Alvin Ailey Dance Company. How cool was that? It was completely free. On top of that they were doing free performances in the theatre and I made sure to get my ticket!
Before going to the show I meandered around the fair browsing the many different vendor booths and thinking how if I had been prepared and knew beforehand I could’ve gotten a booth and sold my cards. Street fairs are those places that you don’t mind spending a lot of money for something that’s not worth it. For instance, I spent $9 on a sausage link that wasn’t even that good. Why was I paying so much money when my job hadn’t manifested in the natural?
So now I’m full on this nasty sausage link and I enter this beautiful theater ready to watch my favorite dance company perform. I sit down just taking it all in. I’m so excited. I can’t wait. Then I hear a little girl crying behind me. Great. Of all the places I could be assigned to sit, I am stuck in front of a crying girl. She was whining because the seats were so far back and she couldn’t see over this lady’s head. My first inclination was to sock her in the face thinking she would shut up. Then I thought about it and figured that would make her cry more. So I did the only thing I could think to do. I turn around and talk to her. We have a full on conversation about what she likes to do, her family, etc. Then I tell her that she can sit in my seat if she can’t see. I know I deviated from my normal torturing of children but it got her to be quiet.
The show was absolutely beautiful. Amazing. Of course I cried. The ability to reach people that way is so powerful. When you tell most people you want to study dance in New York they assume that you want to dance with Ailey. I get that question so much. Do you want to dance with Ailey? Are you going to the Ailey school? I guess for many people that would amazing. Any honor even. What dancer wouldn’t want to dance with Ailey? I don’t. Alvin Ailey has created his own legacy that has been around for 50 years and as I watched and I realized that I wanted to create that for myself. I mean not for me. But I want my own dance troupe that glorifies God that leaves a legacy long after I’m gone. If I spend my time trying to recreate someone else’s when do I have time to create my own?
I got home and it was just me. I finished setting up my room. It was just so peaceful. I turned off the lights, laid in the bed and for the first time I felt I lived there. Then all of a sudden the neighbors turn on the lights and my peace is interrupted. Is a window with a view too much to ask for?
After that I headed to a street fair celebrating the 50th Anniversary of the Alvin Ailey Dance Company. How cool was that? It was completely free. On top of that they were doing free performances in the theatre and I made sure to get my ticket!
Before going to the show I meandered around the fair browsing the many different vendor booths and thinking how if I had been prepared and knew beforehand I could’ve gotten a booth and sold my cards. Street fairs are those places that you don’t mind spending a lot of money for something that’s not worth it. For instance, I spent $9 on a sausage link that wasn’t even that good. Why was I paying so much money when my job hadn’t manifested in the natural?
So now I’m full on this nasty sausage link and I enter this beautiful theater ready to watch my favorite dance company perform. I sit down just taking it all in. I’m so excited. I can’t wait. Then I hear a little girl crying behind me. Great. Of all the places I could be assigned to sit, I am stuck in front of a crying girl. She was whining because the seats were so far back and she couldn’t see over this lady’s head. My first inclination was to sock her in the face thinking she would shut up. Then I thought about it and figured that would make her cry more. So I did the only thing I could think to do. I turn around and talk to her. We have a full on conversation about what she likes to do, her family, etc. Then I tell her that she can sit in my seat if she can’t see. I know I deviated from my normal torturing of children but it got her to be quiet.
The show was absolutely beautiful. Amazing. Of course I cried. The ability to reach people that way is so powerful. When you tell most people you want to study dance in New York they assume that you want to dance with Ailey. I get that question so much. Do you want to dance with Ailey? Are you going to the Ailey school? I guess for many people that would amazing. Any honor even. What dancer wouldn’t want to dance with Ailey? I don’t. Alvin Ailey has created his own legacy that has been around for 50 years and as I watched and I realized that I wanted to create that for myself. I mean not for me. But I want my own dance troupe that glorifies God that leaves a legacy long after I’m gone. If I spend my time trying to recreate someone else’s when do I have time to create my own?
I got home and it was just me. I finished setting up my room. It was just so peaceful. I turned off the lights, laid in the bed and for the first time I felt I lived there. Then all of a sudden the neighbors turn on the lights and my peace is interrupted. Is a window with a view too much to ask for?
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