Monday, August 14

I had an audition today and I woke up with that on my mind. I felt like it was mine for the taking. I don’t usually feel that way when it comes to auditions or dance. It’s a fight for me to train or go to auditions. My confidence in this area is so shaky. You ever been so scared to fail that you don’t really try so that if you don’t succeed it’s because you didn’t try not because you failed?

So I gathered all the unction I could to go and then of course I leave the house late. Great now I’m going to be late.

There I am sitting on the subway nervous and excited about this audition. A few feet away I spot an older man. I keep staring at him because he looks very familiar. In my mind I think, “Man he looks like Uncle Skeeter.” The man gets closer and I’m in shock because it is Uncle Skeeter! How did he get here from California? Well obviously he flew here but wow. So he’s looking at me and I’m looking at him. He’s squinting his eyes. I’m smiling. I think it took him a minute to recognize me because my hair is always different. He finally recognizes me and we hug and chat. In that moment I felt comfort as he reiterated, “trust God.” How coincidental is it that the day I was late I would get on the same train, in the same car at the same time as Uncle Skeeter who lives 3,000 miles away? But it wasn’t a coincidence. It was divinely orchestrated. God’s way of showing me he has my back.

God is awesome and I don’t give him enough credit. This whole trip has been crazy. See, therein lies a problem there. I called it a trip. It’s not a trip. I moved here yet I haven’t come to grips with that. Many have the assumption that moving here is a dream I was trying to fulfill. I guess in a sense, but it’s easy for someone who has never moved 3,000 miles to say that. Plus there’s the misconception that I moved here to follow my dream of dance. That’s not correct either. But I know it will be ok.

By the way, I rode on the subway an hour to get to Brooklyn and the audition was canceled. Oh well.

Later that evening I went to hip hop class. Just a question. When did hip hop lose its blackness? Literally. I go into class and over the years the amount of black people participating is nil. I see way way more white and Asians. There’s no minority majority up in here.

What I do love seeing is a white boy dance. Let me clarify. What I love to see is a straight white boy dance. Something about it seems unnatural. You shouldn’t be able to move like that but because you can I’m intrigued. It reminds me of cookies n cream ice cream. White ice cream with hints of cookie bits. Black cookie bits. If you’re not understanding what I’m saying watch Channing Tatum in either Step Up movie. I thought I was in love with him for a whole five minutes.

Overall I’m growing more and more content with where I am. Sometimes I get so consumed with getting there I don’t take the time to just enjoy the ride. Guess that’s the control freak in me.

Sidenote. There is an extreme number of crack heads and homeless people in this city. That’s not the proper term. Drug addicts. I mean drug addicts. Often they get a little bold. How you gonna ask for money for food and if I give you food you catch an attitude? Lady, catch an attitude with me again and I will kick you straight in your toothless mouth onto the subway tracks and let the rats gnaw at your toes. Why is it that some people who are in dire straits are so ungrateful? Maybe I wanted to eat the banana that I gave you. Did that ever occur to you? Or that someone gave you their last and you assume they have more than you. They may be going home to an empty refrigerator as well. I was so mad when I saw the same man who was begging on his knees in the train go into a building and buy drugs. Unbelievable. Actually, quite believable. That makes it even worse.