Nov. 3

I had an audition today for a hair show in Lisbon, Portugal. It was one of the most awkward things ever. My agent sent me to it, but I am not a model. I am nowhere close to being a model. I don’t have the height, looks, lack of thighs rubbing together. Now I am not downing myself. I like me. It was just weird. It was like crashing a party that you accidently got on the guest list for. The crazy thing is I keep finding myself in these places where I feel I don’t belong. I wonder if there is a reason or if there’s something I am supposed to be doing. I didn’t get the gig but the point was that I went and didn’t let fear get in the way.

I also got asked to do a read through for a movie short. I figured why not. Again, not an actor but at this point in my life I am trying to attempt as many new things as I can. I want to learn to be fearless. That’s the only way to live a full life I believe.

Have you ever started a project or a job and wondered if you were doing a good job? That’s how I felt at my job. I had no gauge of whether I needed to improve my performance or not. I know I was doing the best I could and trying to take as much initiative as I could but I just wanted to know that I was doing the right thing. Finally after being at my job for over a month I finally got that. My bosses finally told me that I was doing an excellent job. That was nice to hear. It wasn’t so much about being pat on the back. It was more so about making sure that I was on the right track.

I am learning how much is based on mindset. Everything begins in your mind. As a man thinketh so he is. It is really true. I try as much as I can to think the right things about myself and others. To train my mind to believe what I want it to believe and vice versa. The mind can’t distinguish from what is real and what is not. So I am literally reprogramming my mind to think the right things. To line my thoughts up with how God sees me and how I want to be in the future. I never realized how tough it is to do that on a regular basis, but I am doing it.