Monday, August 17, 2009
Attack of the rat dog
My experience with rats in New York hasn’t been too bad. I haven’t seen any besides in the train station which makes perfect sense. That is perfectly fine with me. I was lying in bed the other night and I kept hearing something run back and forth in the apartment upstairs. I’m getting irritated because it’s two in the morning and their dog should not be running around like that so late. Now it takes a lot for me to complain about a neighbor but I was fed up. It seems like this dog gets active whenever I am ready to go to bed. I got out of bed, told Jaime I would be back and went upstairs. I knocked on the door and kindly asked them if they could keep the noise down. She apologized and said that they had a mouse they were trying to catch. I walked away a little disturbed. Disturbed because all this time I thought they had a dog and that was a mouse I was hearing and for me to mistake it for a much larger animal means it had to be large. Please catch that thing and don’t let it come anywhere near our apartment.
Thursday, August 13, 2009
Go Away!!!
At what point in the process can I stop being nice? Like at what point did Jesus’ blood boil and he turned over tables in the temple? What was his thinking pattern? Did He think about it first? I’m just saying Nasty Foot Looker isn’t getting the point. He sent me a text saying that I looked like Sandra Bullock. So what you’re telling me is I look like a 30 something white woman? Now don’t get me wrong. I love her body of work and enjoy watching her movies but I look nothing like her. Dude now you’re reaching.
Go Away Nasty Foot Looker
I think that it is true that one guy helps you get over another guy. Now I am not saying that is a particularly great way to heal but it does help. The doctor’s interest in me regardless of how real or lasting it is makes me feel better about myself. Maybe all guys aren’t the scum of the earth.
What I am learning is that anyone you come into contact with can teach you things that allow you to grow as an individual. For instance, I know that I have a control issue. I want to handle things when I want and the way that I want all the time. Interestingly enough God used my encounters with the doctor to reveal this to me in more detail.
There would be moments when we would be on the phone and it would be dead quiet. That totally irked me. I hate silence. So instead of letting it be quiet I would ask a question. Most people know that a tactic for gaining control of a conversation is to ask questions. Whoever is asking questions is in control because the other person is always answering. The minute the tables turn you have lost control of the conversation. I wasn’t intentionally using this as a means to gain control. I just couldn’t stand the silence. This is what God revealed to me.
1) Even when I spend time with the Lord I am guilty of the same thing. I can’t just be still in his presence. I have to have music on or be reading the word or be active. I never just sit in the silence and wait for Him.
2) That I need to not always try to control everything. Next time I talk to him I need to let it be silent when it’s silent. Wait for him to ask a question. It could be that it takes him longer to gather his thoughts. The conversation will flow much better if I do this.
The next time we talked I implemented this and it worked wonderfully.
Duh duh duh duh duh. Ladies and gentlemen. Boys and girls. It is time for another adventure with the nasty foot looker.
Here is how the conversation went…
“I miss you,” he says. Insert eye roll here since we never talk and I haven’t hung out with you in months.
He asks, “Can friends watch movies together?”
I reply, “Yes.”
So he asks, “Can I come over and watch movies at your house?”
“No.” I wanted to say something much worse but restrained myself.
“You don’t trust me?”
“Heck no. What have you done to warrant trust? I don’t know you and you don’t know me.”
“Do you consider us friends?”
“Uh no.”
“Well then what are we?”
“Associates.”
“That makes me feel cheap.” Sidenote: Dude are you serious? You’re a man. I need you not to be that in touch with your emotions. That makes you feel cheap? It’s not like I hung out with you and left money on the nightstand after. Hanging out with someone has a price. I don’t even want to hang out with you which means there is no price. You can’t label something with no price as cheap. Back to the story.
“I apologize if you feel that way. That was not my intention but you need to fall back. You’re making me uncomfortable.”
“I’m sorry. I feel like I’m lost in the woods trying to find the right path to your friendship.” You have got to be kidding me. What did you watch The Notebook before you called me with this? Sheesh. I think I just threw up a little bit in my mouth.
What I am learning is that anyone you come into contact with can teach you things that allow you to grow as an individual. For instance, I know that I have a control issue. I want to handle things when I want and the way that I want all the time. Interestingly enough God used my encounters with the doctor to reveal this to me in more detail.
There would be moments when we would be on the phone and it would be dead quiet. That totally irked me. I hate silence. So instead of letting it be quiet I would ask a question. Most people know that a tactic for gaining control of a conversation is to ask questions. Whoever is asking questions is in control because the other person is always answering. The minute the tables turn you have lost control of the conversation. I wasn’t intentionally using this as a means to gain control. I just couldn’t stand the silence. This is what God revealed to me.
1) Even when I spend time with the Lord I am guilty of the same thing. I can’t just be still in his presence. I have to have music on or be reading the word or be active. I never just sit in the silence and wait for Him.
2) That I need to not always try to control everything. Next time I talk to him I need to let it be silent when it’s silent. Wait for him to ask a question. It could be that it takes him longer to gather his thoughts. The conversation will flow much better if I do this.
The next time we talked I implemented this and it worked wonderfully.
Duh duh duh duh duh. Ladies and gentlemen. Boys and girls. It is time for another adventure with the nasty foot looker.
Here is how the conversation went…
“I miss you,” he says. Insert eye roll here since we never talk and I haven’t hung out with you in months.
He asks, “Can friends watch movies together?”
I reply, “Yes.”
So he asks, “Can I come over and watch movies at your house?”
“No.” I wanted to say something much worse but restrained myself.
“You don’t trust me?”
“Heck no. What have you done to warrant trust? I don’t know you and you don’t know me.”
“Do you consider us friends?”
“Uh no.”
“Well then what are we?”
“Associates.”
“That makes me feel cheap.” Sidenote: Dude are you serious? You’re a man. I need you not to be that in touch with your emotions. That makes you feel cheap? It’s not like I hung out with you and left money on the nightstand after. Hanging out with someone has a price. I don’t even want to hang out with you which means there is no price. You can’t label something with no price as cheap. Back to the story.
“I apologize if you feel that way. That was not my intention but you need to fall back. You’re making me uncomfortable.”
“I’m sorry. I feel like I’m lost in the woods trying to find the right path to your friendship.” You have got to be kidding me. What did you watch The Notebook before you called me with this? Sheesh. I think I just threw up a little bit in my mouth.
Inauguration Adventures (7 months late)
So TT is in town visiting and of course all of New York wants to act up. We walk into the subway and there is this dude laid out across several seats like this is his bedroom. To make it worse he has his shoes off neatly tucked under the seats. I just wonder what goes through people’s minds. Like do you really care that little about the fact that you’re inconveniencing anyone who would like to sit down? Now if I woke you up and asked you to scoot the heck over I bet you’d be utterly disgusted at me for disturbing your sleep. I just don’t know about people.
So we are off to DC for Inauguration and I am super excited about it. It should be fun. Even though we have no transportation, am unsure of where we will be sleeping we have nothing to fear. We have TT’s interactive map. Its color coded with a clear visual of the most comfy benches to sleep on. What she failed to mention is that she booked us on a China bus to get there. These are like low end modes of transportation. The bus drivers speak no English, your seat isn’t guaranteed and there are absolutely no amenities. I can’t be mad at her. She didn’t know.
At 7am we are on this bus still wiping boogers out of our eyes when a drunk Rastafarian whose locks smell decides to sit right behind us. Well maybe they didn’t smell but he certainly did. I mean who is drunk at 7am? I know who…an alcoholic. You don’t need to be going to Inauguration. You need to be in an AA meeting admitting that you have a problem. The worse part about people who get drunk is that alcohol on the breath stinks and when you fall asleep you snore like crazy. This man was guilty of both. You ever have those moments where you just want to lash out and punch someone in the face? That’s what I wanted to do. There are certain things that drive me nuts. The sound of Styrofoam, someone snoring and when people scratch their throat and they sound like a frog.
He snored his way through our first stop in New Jersey where people going to Philly got off. The bus driver makes an announcement, people exit and we continue on our journey. Maybe 30 minutes later this dude wakes up and realizes he isn’t in Kansas anymore. You see he was supposed to get off in Jersey. We are in like Delaware at this point.
So estupido village idiot decides it’s a smart idea to threaten and yell at the Chinese bus driver who can’t speak English and doesn’t even realize he is being insulted. He begins to demand that the bus driver pulls over immediately and let him off. That’s smart. Drop him off in the middle of nowhere and he’ll figure out how to get home. He gets the bus driver so upset that he eventually pulls over. So now he has inconvenienced the whole bus because he decided to drown his woes about his daddy leaving him at four in a bottle of whiskey. Hey guy, my dad left too but you don’t see me acting all wacky…most days. Eventually some other men go outside because he is in the bus driver’s face, they call another bus and that bus takes him to wherever he needs to go. This has already shaped up to be an interesting trip.
That’s the story of the guy sitting behind us. This doesn’t include the guy eating gross smelling food to my left or the overly friendly guy in front of us. I was nice to him because I wanted to read his newspaper. He was an older Indian guy (from India not Native American) and he seemed harmless. Too bad he decided that he wanted to hang out with us and be our tour guide once we arrived in DC. What were we supposed to do? We couldn’t say scram. We did what any mature adults would do. When we got in the subway station filled with a bazillion people we ran the other direction when he wasn’t looking hoping he didn’t see us.
It’s just amazing to even have the opportunity to be here. I wasn’t alive for the civil rights movement or the march on Washington, but I’m here for this. I’m excited that when I’m 80 I will be able to tell my grandkids I watched the first Black president be inaugurated on a jumbo screen in DC. Ha ha.
But the first order of business is to…attend a house party. It wasn’t really a party. It was a whole bunch of people chilling in the house playing cards, watching the game and laughing. One guy in particular caught my fancy. Not romantically but his persona was funny. He looked straight up white but sounded and acted like what some would characterize as black. That wasn’t even the funny part. It just added to the humor. He had this I’m so mysterious and different you can’t figure me out and that makes me eclectic and special in some sort of way persona he was attempting to exude. No. That makes you a black guy (turns out he was black) who looks white who uses that along with other things to define you as different and therefore a more rare breed. Who cares?
A few of us went to eat and of course I got sleepy. So I fell asleep on the couch. Some tried to make fun of me for that but I am known for falling asleep anywhere. When I’m tired it’s a wrap. I’ve fallen asleep at several live concerts, Denny’s, in the club, etc. That doesn’t matter. The most important thing is whether or not my mouth was open when I was sleep.
So we are off to DC for Inauguration and I am super excited about it. It should be fun. Even though we have no transportation, am unsure of where we will be sleeping we have nothing to fear. We have TT’s interactive map. Its color coded with a clear visual of the most comfy benches to sleep on. What she failed to mention is that she booked us on a China bus to get there. These are like low end modes of transportation. The bus drivers speak no English, your seat isn’t guaranteed and there are absolutely no amenities. I can’t be mad at her. She didn’t know.
At 7am we are on this bus still wiping boogers out of our eyes when a drunk Rastafarian whose locks smell decides to sit right behind us. Well maybe they didn’t smell but he certainly did. I mean who is drunk at 7am? I know who…an alcoholic. You don’t need to be going to Inauguration. You need to be in an AA meeting admitting that you have a problem. The worse part about people who get drunk is that alcohol on the breath stinks and when you fall asleep you snore like crazy. This man was guilty of both. You ever have those moments where you just want to lash out and punch someone in the face? That’s what I wanted to do. There are certain things that drive me nuts. The sound of Styrofoam, someone snoring and when people scratch their throat and they sound like a frog.
He snored his way through our first stop in New Jersey where people going to Philly got off. The bus driver makes an announcement, people exit and we continue on our journey. Maybe 30 minutes later this dude wakes up and realizes he isn’t in Kansas anymore. You see he was supposed to get off in Jersey. We are in like Delaware at this point.
So estupido village idiot decides it’s a smart idea to threaten and yell at the Chinese bus driver who can’t speak English and doesn’t even realize he is being insulted. He begins to demand that the bus driver pulls over immediately and let him off. That’s smart. Drop him off in the middle of nowhere and he’ll figure out how to get home. He gets the bus driver so upset that he eventually pulls over. So now he has inconvenienced the whole bus because he decided to drown his woes about his daddy leaving him at four in a bottle of whiskey. Hey guy, my dad left too but you don’t see me acting all wacky…most days. Eventually some other men go outside because he is in the bus driver’s face, they call another bus and that bus takes him to wherever he needs to go. This has already shaped up to be an interesting trip.
That’s the story of the guy sitting behind us. This doesn’t include the guy eating gross smelling food to my left or the overly friendly guy in front of us. I was nice to him because I wanted to read his newspaper. He was an older Indian guy (from India not Native American) and he seemed harmless. Too bad he decided that he wanted to hang out with us and be our tour guide once we arrived in DC. What were we supposed to do? We couldn’t say scram. We did what any mature adults would do. When we got in the subway station filled with a bazillion people we ran the other direction when he wasn’t looking hoping he didn’t see us.
It’s just amazing to even have the opportunity to be here. I wasn’t alive for the civil rights movement or the march on Washington, but I’m here for this. I’m excited that when I’m 80 I will be able to tell my grandkids I watched the first Black president be inaugurated on a jumbo screen in DC. Ha ha.
But the first order of business is to…attend a house party. It wasn’t really a party. It was a whole bunch of people chilling in the house playing cards, watching the game and laughing. One guy in particular caught my fancy. Not romantically but his persona was funny. He looked straight up white but sounded and acted like what some would characterize as black. That wasn’t even the funny part. It just added to the humor. He had this I’m so mysterious and different you can’t figure me out and that makes me eclectic and special in some sort of way persona he was attempting to exude. No. That makes you a black guy (turns out he was black) who looks white who uses that along with other things to define you as different and therefore a more rare breed. Who cares?
A few of us went to eat and of course I got sleepy. So I fell asleep on the couch. Some tried to make fun of me for that but I am known for falling asleep anywhere. When I’m tired it’s a wrap. I’ve fallen asleep at several live concerts, Denny’s, in the club, etc. That doesn’t matter. The most important thing is whether or not my mouth was open when I was sleep.
Begging 101
Ok so this is something I just don’t understand. If you’re going to beg for money, you should look like you don’t have any right? This woman had the nerve to come on to the subway begging for money in a fur coat. A fur coat! I’m not talking about a jacked up chinchilla coat. I am talking about a nice coat. Her hair was done and she didn’t look like she needed anything. She had the nerve to say she needed the money for her three kids. Well where are they? If you want me to give you money for some kids shouldn’t you actually have some with you? Absolutely ridiculous.
Don't You Dare Spare the Rod
One thing that irks me are bad kids. Maybe I won’t understand until I’m a mother because I know I don’t now. I know kids act out at times but they’re also very smart. They learn at a young age right and wrong. I’ve see Look Who’s Talking. Now I’m not saying babies talk to one another in a sense. Rather I am suggesting that their clarity and understanding of thing surpasses what we give them credit for. That’s why I don’t do baby talk with them. No goo goo ga ga over here. You know exactly what I am saying and probably think I look crazy leaning over you all in your face making funny noises.
Some would be led to believe that I can’t stand kids. That’s not the case. I just have a special bond with children. In a sense I am not that nurturing person. I am more of the bully older sister that you love but can’t stand. I express my love to the kids I’m closest to by picking on them and that type of stuff. But they know that I love them and know that if they ask me for anything within reason and in my ability then I will do it. I can be hard on them but their parents trust me. I have kids whose parents won’t let them go somewhere if I don’t go with them, or give me keys to their house to name a few. I especially have a heart for teenagers. They understand my off humor and we naturally click. That’s probably why I did so well as a counselor at the boy’s home I worked at.
One of the kids I have known for years sent me an email. I have watched him grow from a puny little adolescent to a respectable young man. Over the years my role was that of a big sister. I picked on him a lot and offered my opinion or advice when he asked. I was tough at times, but he needed it. I didn’t think it really affected him until I got that email. Now I won’t share it but I was in tears. He was basically thanking me for helping to shape him into the man he had become and for never giving up on him and I thought that was really cool. It let me know that the way God made me and how I deal with people is something from God and it is of value in their lives.
So I must have been still pondering this whole email when I walked into someone else’s apartment by mistake today. I got on the elevator and pressed 5. Since no one else was in the elevator with me I figured it would stop on five. So I’m totally not paying attention and the elevator opens. I get off and see my apartment door is cracked and walk in. Not until I am halfway down the hallway of the apartment do I realize I don’t live here. So how do we rectify this? Clearly at the end of the hall I see a group of Africans with their backs turned to me. So I slowly start stepping backwards until I am out of the apartment and frantically press the elevator button. How embarrassing. How did I get pass the door and realize there was no wreath or that the walls were a different color? This could’ve gone really bad. How do you explain this? “Sorry I thought this was my apartment.” Yeah and have a bunch of people chasing after me with sticks and pans. Awkward.
That’s why I say I’m a smart blonde. Now do I really think blondes are dumb? No I don’t. It’s a stereotype. Our society is built on them and rather than getting into this deep philosophical debate about it I just rather joke about them. I just really don’t care that much. Yes I like fried chicken even though I don’t eat it much and have only made it once. I love watermelon. Stereotypes that are true about me. But I also don’t care about being in water because my hair will nap up. I swim pretty decently. I do think OJ did it and so on and so forth. Anyway I feel I am knowledgeable about many things but I do the dumbest stuff and say the dumbest stuff. It’s what makes me me and I don’t care.
Some would be led to believe that I can’t stand kids. That’s not the case. I just have a special bond with children. In a sense I am not that nurturing person. I am more of the bully older sister that you love but can’t stand. I express my love to the kids I’m closest to by picking on them and that type of stuff. But they know that I love them and know that if they ask me for anything within reason and in my ability then I will do it. I can be hard on them but their parents trust me. I have kids whose parents won’t let them go somewhere if I don’t go with them, or give me keys to their house to name a few. I especially have a heart for teenagers. They understand my off humor and we naturally click. That’s probably why I did so well as a counselor at the boy’s home I worked at.
One of the kids I have known for years sent me an email. I have watched him grow from a puny little adolescent to a respectable young man. Over the years my role was that of a big sister. I picked on him a lot and offered my opinion or advice when he asked. I was tough at times, but he needed it. I didn’t think it really affected him until I got that email. Now I won’t share it but I was in tears. He was basically thanking me for helping to shape him into the man he had become and for never giving up on him and I thought that was really cool. It let me know that the way God made me and how I deal with people is something from God and it is of value in their lives.
So I must have been still pondering this whole email when I walked into someone else’s apartment by mistake today. I got on the elevator and pressed 5. Since no one else was in the elevator with me I figured it would stop on five. So I’m totally not paying attention and the elevator opens. I get off and see my apartment door is cracked and walk in. Not until I am halfway down the hallway of the apartment do I realize I don’t live here. So how do we rectify this? Clearly at the end of the hall I see a group of Africans with their backs turned to me. So I slowly start stepping backwards until I am out of the apartment and frantically press the elevator button. How embarrassing. How did I get pass the door and realize there was no wreath or that the walls were a different color? This could’ve gone really bad. How do you explain this? “Sorry I thought this was my apartment.” Yeah and have a bunch of people chasing after me with sticks and pans. Awkward.
That’s why I say I’m a smart blonde. Now do I really think blondes are dumb? No I don’t. It’s a stereotype. Our society is built on them and rather than getting into this deep philosophical debate about it I just rather joke about them. I just really don’t care that much. Yes I like fried chicken even though I don’t eat it much and have only made it once. I love watermelon. Stereotypes that are true about me. But I also don’t care about being in water because my hair will nap up. I swim pretty decently. I do think OJ did it and so on and so forth. Anyway I feel I am knowledgeable about many things but I do the dumbest stuff and say the dumbest stuff. It’s what makes me me and I don’t care.
Sunday, August 2, 2009
Delayed Growth
My mom hates New York. She hasn’t been happy since she has been here and has made the decision to move back to Georgia. The feeling for me is bittersweet. I want her to be happy but I had gotten used to seeing her everyday. I know that everything is going according to God’s plan so I will let Him work out the rest.
I broke my retainer. I’m probably the only person in America who wears her retainer faithfully and now I’ve broken it. They cost $200 to replace, but I can’t even be mad right now. I can’t be mad because God always looks out for me. You see I have a flex spending account through my job so the money was there to replace my retainer before I turned into snaggle tooth again.
At this stage in my life I feel like the Chinese bamboo tree. You see this tree when planted, watered and nurtured doesn’t grow more than in inch in its first entire growing season. The second season the tree still doesn’t sprout. This occurs for four years. In the fifth year the tree sprouts to be more than 90 feet! You see on the outside it seems like not much is changing though I am doing all that I know to be a better person, to grow spiritually, to reach my goals and dreams, etc. On the outside I look the same. But I know that my year five is coming. It’s going to look like a lot of things happened overnight but I know that it was the patience and persistence in the first four years that made it happen.
So after all that hoopla and Dr Phil moments with my father he has yet to contact me. I have to admit that it hurts me. I wanted to believe that things would be different. It’s hard because there is a certain button you can’t turn off when it comes to parents. I think deep down you always want things to go right with them and be right with them. I don’t think you ever lose that and it kind of sucks.
You know what else sucks? Healing! All I can liken it to is when you fall down and scrape your knee. As part of the healing the wound must develop a scab. It itches and you want to pick at it, but if you do that then the scab never heals. It just keeps bleeding and the process begins again. I am working so hard not to pick at my scabs. It’s easier to just mess with my scab when I know the other option is waiting for it to heal. Waiting sucks too.
I broke my retainer. I’m probably the only person in America who wears her retainer faithfully and now I’ve broken it. They cost $200 to replace, but I can’t even be mad right now. I can’t be mad because God always looks out for me. You see I have a flex spending account through my job so the money was there to replace my retainer before I turned into snaggle tooth again.
At this stage in my life I feel like the Chinese bamboo tree. You see this tree when planted, watered and nurtured doesn’t grow more than in inch in its first entire growing season. The second season the tree still doesn’t sprout. This occurs for four years. In the fifth year the tree sprouts to be more than 90 feet! You see on the outside it seems like not much is changing though I am doing all that I know to be a better person, to grow spiritually, to reach my goals and dreams, etc. On the outside I look the same. But I know that my year five is coming. It’s going to look like a lot of things happened overnight but I know that it was the patience and persistence in the first four years that made it happen.
So after all that hoopla and Dr Phil moments with my father he has yet to contact me. I have to admit that it hurts me. I wanted to believe that things would be different. It’s hard because there is a certain button you can’t turn off when it comes to parents. I think deep down you always want things to go right with them and be right with them. I don’t think you ever lose that and it kind of sucks.
You know what else sucks? Healing! All I can liken it to is when you fall down and scrape your knee. As part of the healing the wound must develop a scab. It itches and you want to pick at it, but if you do that then the scab never heals. It just keeps bleeding and the process begins again. I am working so hard not to pick at my scabs. It’s easier to just mess with my scab when I know the other option is waiting for it to heal. Waiting sucks too.
Puberty: Round 2
My face looks like a flipping science experiment. I am not quite sure what happened but I feel like an adolescent teen that is experiencing puberty. I look in the mirror and think I have the body of a 25 year old but the face of a 13 year old. I just can’t pinpoint what the heck happened. I went to the dermatologist a few weeks back and he prescribed some medication that was supposed to help. Instead it made it worse. What the heck did I give you a co-pay for if you weren’t going to fix the problem? This is ridiculous.
Ice Skating Lesson
Man I feel like the year has already started off great. I am just having fun and am determined to continue to enjoy my life.
Tonight I went ice skating in Central Park and as I skated under the clear sky I thought, “How many people get to do this?” I am living a good life. I get to experience things I never have. While the world seems a lot bigger it also seems a lot smaller. There is so much to be done and to see.
It made me remember things I only whispered to myself that God still heard. I remember thinking how cool it would be to live in New York for a year and study dance and do something new. The problem was I was never bold enough to do something like that and didn’t think it would ever happen. I also remember going on a trip to New York and staring at the Ailey studio and telling God to, “Just leave me here.” I didn’t know the implications of my words but I imagined God looked down at me, smiled and said “Done.” From then on the plan was placed in motion.
What I realized about God is that sometimes when we least expect it and we’re not looking for it, he makes our dreams come true. That the things you ask for He wants to grant. I think that is so cool.
So I am having a particularly deep moment. You know those moments when you can find something significant in every little thing. So here are some nuggets I got while skating. Some are obvious and we’ve heard but humor me.
1) When you fall, get right back up. Don’t focus on the fall.
I was ice skating and I kept seeing people fall. Some immediately got up, brushed themselves off and kept going. Others lingered down on the ground and then everyone had to skate around them as to not create a collision. Isn’t that like our walk sometimes? We mess up and then instead of just asking for forgiveness and moving forward we decide we are just going to stay down and defeated. Then we take that attitude with us everywhere we go. Sometimes we even cause others to fall which is even worse
2) Do life at your own speed
As I watched little kids skating I noticed that they skated very slowly. They took their time and they didn’t try to move faster because others were passing them by. They were focused on themselves. Wouldn’t we all be much better off if we were able to go to life at our pace and stop looking at others as a gauge and barometer for where we should be? Oh wait. We are adults we do have that choice.
3) Don’t get too cocky or you’re sure to fall
So this is the first time I have skated and not fallen. Contrary to popular belief just because I dance doesn’t mean that I am not clumsy. I am. So what I noticed is that as I started getting my groove and started feeling myself, I attempted to do extra stuff and almost fell. That’s how we act in life. We do well in our walks for a bit and think we are impenetrable and wham! That’s when we get sucker punched because we thought we were too holy for that to happen.
Ok I’ve snapped out of my deep moment and have moved on. You know what I can’t stand? A complaining party pooper. If I hadn’t said it already I have two guests staying with me. One is my friend and the other is her friend. All this heifer does is complain. She is complaining about the fact that it’s cold. You came to New York in the dead of winter what the heck did you expect? Did you not check the weather forecast before you left? Then she didn’t want to skate because she fell when she was 8 and doesn’t want to relive that terrible experience. Are you serious? Do I sympathize or clown because you’re almost 40 letting something that happened 30 years ago hinder your fun now? It’s not like you were skating on a half frozen pond and fell through and almost drowned and someone saved you at the last moment. You just fell. I remember at one point telling Jaime, “She got one more time to complain and I’m going to punch her in the face.” So we dropped her off at the apartment and went to the movies. You are not going to ruin my vacation because you’re being a loser.
Whenever someone emulates a behavior I don’t care for I take a minute to reflect. I have heard that the things you don’t like in others are often a reflection of what you detest in yourself. So I thought about whether I complained. I realized that for the first few months that I was here all I did was complain. I hated everything about New York because it wasn’t California. I got over that when I accepted that though New York is different than California it still had a lot of things to offer. I also apologized to Jaime for having to put up with me during that time.
Tonight I went ice skating in Central Park and as I skated under the clear sky I thought, “How many people get to do this?” I am living a good life. I get to experience things I never have. While the world seems a lot bigger it also seems a lot smaller. There is so much to be done and to see.
It made me remember things I only whispered to myself that God still heard. I remember thinking how cool it would be to live in New York for a year and study dance and do something new. The problem was I was never bold enough to do something like that and didn’t think it would ever happen. I also remember going on a trip to New York and staring at the Ailey studio and telling God to, “Just leave me here.” I didn’t know the implications of my words but I imagined God looked down at me, smiled and said “Done.” From then on the plan was placed in motion.
What I realized about God is that sometimes when we least expect it and we’re not looking for it, he makes our dreams come true. That the things you ask for He wants to grant. I think that is so cool.
So I am having a particularly deep moment. You know those moments when you can find something significant in every little thing. So here are some nuggets I got while skating. Some are obvious and we’ve heard but humor me.
1) When you fall, get right back up. Don’t focus on the fall.
I was ice skating and I kept seeing people fall. Some immediately got up, brushed themselves off and kept going. Others lingered down on the ground and then everyone had to skate around them as to not create a collision. Isn’t that like our walk sometimes? We mess up and then instead of just asking for forgiveness and moving forward we decide we are just going to stay down and defeated. Then we take that attitude with us everywhere we go. Sometimes we even cause others to fall which is even worse
2) Do life at your own speed
As I watched little kids skating I noticed that they skated very slowly. They took their time and they didn’t try to move faster because others were passing them by. They were focused on themselves. Wouldn’t we all be much better off if we were able to go to life at our pace and stop looking at others as a gauge and barometer for where we should be? Oh wait. We are adults we do have that choice.
3) Don’t get too cocky or you’re sure to fall
So this is the first time I have skated and not fallen. Contrary to popular belief just because I dance doesn’t mean that I am not clumsy. I am. So what I noticed is that as I started getting my groove and started feeling myself, I attempted to do extra stuff and almost fell. That’s how we act in life. We do well in our walks for a bit and think we are impenetrable and wham! That’s when we get sucker punched because we thought we were too holy for that to happen.
Ok I’ve snapped out of my deep moment and have moved on. You know what I can’t stand? A complaining party pooper. If I hadn’t said it already I have two guests staying with me. One is my friend and the other is her friend. All this heifer does is complain. She is complaining about the fact that it’s cold. You came to New York in the dead of winter what the heck did you expect? Did you not check the weather forecast before you left? Then she didn’t want to skate because she fell when she was 8 and doesn’t want to relive that terrible experience. Are you serious? Do I sympathize or clown because you’re almost 40 letting something that happened 30 years ago hinder your fun now? It’s not like you were skating on a half frozen pond and fell through and almost drowned and someone saved you at the last moment. You just fell. I remember at one point telling Jaime, “She got one more time to complain and I’m going to punch her in the face.” So we dropped her off at the apartment and went to the movies. You are not going to ruin my vacation because you’re being a loser.
Whenever someone emulates a behavior I don’t care for I take a minute to reflect. I have heard that the things you don’t like in others are often a reflection of what you detest in yourself. So I thought about whether I complained. I realized that for the first few months that I was here all I did was complain. I hated everything about New York because it wasn’t California. I got over that when I accepted that though New York is different than California it still had a lot of things to offer. I also apologized to Jaime for having to put up with me during that time.
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