11/10/08: Green Eggs and Ham

You ever have that aha moment with a guy? That moment that makes you want to slap yourself? That moment where you think you like someone and realize you don’t? The moment you realize that the “special treatment” you thought was being doted on you was actually being allotted to any person that walks into the female bathroom.

I had that moment this weekend. It wasn’t like I liked the guy or was all ga ga over him. He was on the possibility list. The if I decide I may want to date or get to know someone you could be a possibility. He wasn’t a stranger. We are actually pretty good friends from California. I thought that maybe I was on his possibility list too but now I am realizing that either the requirements to get on that list are low or he doesn’t have a list. Not quite sure which one it is.
I had hung out with him in small doses but never for a long period of time. What I realized is that if you think you like someone observe them in many different settings among many different people before you decide.

Here’s what I know. I am not perfect, but who I am is who I am. If I don’t drink over here I will not drink anywhere. I do not like green eggs and ham I do not like them Sam I Am. I am loud, goofy and I am like that everywhere. Whether you like or accept me is up to you and I really don’t care (most times). At least I know I am being me. What I don’t like are chameleons. Someone who changes with the environment. You cuss over here but not over there. You drink here but not over there. Be you. Don’t change because you are around the “saints.” That’s what I observed. Once I saw that I realized that that is not a man who can even be on the possibility list. I don’t know who I am supposed to get to know. It’s like having split personalities. But that’s good. Now we can keep our friendship pure.

I had the opportunity to go to Virginia this weekend and it was so so nice. Sometimes it’s nice to be able to get away from the city. To see trees and foliage. I loved it. It is so beautiful down there. It just made me realize that I don’t want to stay in New York forever. It’s not the place for me and my piece of mind. But I do appreciate what I am learning from being here and what it is bringing out of me.

I do not belong in a club. Every now and then I end up in one and it’ s like why. I usually end up observing or just acting silly. But that is the difficulty of being out of town, with no car, no sense of direction and you’re with other people.