Ok. So I was really worried about my parents being in the same room. I thought that they would have trouble getting along and it would be awkward. To my utter surprise they had no problems. It was the interaction between my Dad and I that turned everyone’s head. I wasn’t mean to him I was just cold. I am not one of those people that prescribe to the ideology that because you are my parent that you get some special pass where I have to be your friend. He was in fact a stranger regardless of the fact that he was my dad. As the oldest I experienced the most heartache. In a sense I feel slighted. I have tried and even thought that I had forgiven him but I wasn’t even able to be cordial to him. I made snide remarks and really didn’t want to have anything to do with him.
Not saying its ok but he does things that make me question him. While my mother and I took my Papa to Chemotherapy he took my brother and sister shopping. Now it’s not about the stuff. I don’t need anyone to provide materially for me. God does that and I am doing just fine. But in my eyes you have three kids here yet you favor the other two and make that clear.
My behavior must have gotten bad because my mother made it a point to go talk to my father and we had a mediated counseling session. It went well I guess. I got to hear his side though I didn’t have much to say. I was skeptical to say the least but I can’t harbor unforgiveness in my heart. I am willing to get to know my father; I just don’t want to be disappointed by empty promises. He apologized. I don’t think he has ever apologized to me about anything so that showed growth.
There are very few people in my life whose attitudes and persona are just constant. One of those people is my Papa. My whole life he has been one of the most positive people I know. Even once he was diagnosed with cancer he refuses to be a victim. He speaks as if he is not sick to the point that you almost believe that he doesn’t have cancer. That encourages me. I had come with the mentality that this would be the last time that I would see him. That he was dying. But after being in his presence his very attitude wouldn’t allow me to believe it. If he wouldn’t accept death for himself why should I?
He was recently recognized as a cancer survivor by the American Cancer Society. He was included in a book and they held an awards ceremony. I have included an excerpt of what my grandfather said about living with cancer.
“Living with cancer is not very hard as long as you do what your doctor says to do and put your faith in the Lord. Sometimes you find yourself a little bit down and wondering why it is you. Then you start to think why not you? It is just the Lord who is tempting your faith – to see how strong your faith in Him really is.”
How could I show such lack of faith when my Papa refuses to let his faith be moved? I have to fight alongside him until he gets better.
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