My mom hates New York. She hasn’t been happy since she has been here and has made the decision to move back to Georgia. The feeling for me is bittersweet. I want her to be happy but I had gotten used to seeing her everyday. I know that everything is going according to God’s plan so I will let Him work out the rest.
I broke my retainer. I’m probably the only person in America who wears her retainer faithfully and now I’ve broken it. They cost $200 to replace, but I can’t even be mad right now. I can’t be mad because God always looks out for me. You see I have a flex spending account through my job so the money was there to replace my retainer before I turned into snaggle tooth again.
At this stage in my life I feel like the Chinese bamboo tree. You see this tree when planted, watered and nurtured doesn’t grow more than in inch in its first entire growing season. The second season the tree still doesn’t sprout. This occurs for four years. In the fifth year the tree sprouts to be more than 90 feet! You see on the outside it seems like not much is changing though I am doing all that I know to be a better person, to grow spiritually, to reach my goals and dreams, etc. On the outside I look the same. But I know that my year five is coming. It’s going to look like a lot of things happened overnight but I know that it was the patience and persistence in the first four years that made it happen.
So after all that hoopla and Dr Phil moments with my father he has yet to contact me. I have to admit that it hurts me. I wanted to believe that things would be different. It’s hard because there is a certain button you can’t turn off when it comes to parents. I think deep down you always want things to go right with them and be right with them. I don’t think you ever lose that and it kind of sucks.
You know what else sucks? Healing! All I can liken it to is when you fall down and scrape your knee. As part of the healing the wound must develop a scab. It itches and you want to pick at it, but if you do that then the scab never heals. It just keeps bleeding and the process begins again. I am working so hard not to pick at my scabs. It’s easier to just mess with my scab when I know the other option is waiting for it to heal. Waiting sucks too.
1 comment:
okay, so i love how this post flows. while it may seem random in that you jump from topic to topic, it flows in a way that makes sense since we are rarely thinking just one thought at a time. the fact that you are able to capture this in your sequence allows the reader to essentially follow your thought process as you leap from lily pad to lily pad.
the chinese bamboo is one of my FAVORITE anecdotes! i first came across it as an undergrad a few years back in my upper room daily devotional email. if you do not believe me, you can come to my room and see my chinese bamboo plant named "endurance." my roommate or any of my college friends can verify this. endurance is a reminder to me of how a chinese farmer faithfully and patiently waters and cares for the plant year after year for for years without seeing any growth on the outside. however, when the transformation that was manifesting itself on the inside reveals itself in year five, one would be quick to think that the plant grew in year five. of course this isn't so because it is in years 1-4 when the farmer endured that the growth process was truly taking place. yes. of all the examples to use, you'd pick this. there's a reason why you are my prayer partner.
Post a Comment