Wednesday, August 20, 2008 P is for Praise, Pizza, Play, Pimps

After the day I had yesterday I felt like the characters from Lemony Snickett’s Series of Unfortunate Events. I was just so so done. I needed today to be a good day. Badly. And it was.

What I’m learning is that this whole experience is a faith stretch for me. I have to learn to trust God more. From the outside it may seem that it shouldn’t be difficult. I mean I literally got here on God’s back. I couldn’t have done it without him. Yet and still my faith has been stretched. But God continues to look out for me and lets me know he’s my friend.

You see, I know at this season of my life God’s plan and timing is crucial. If I don’t wait on His timing and His plan, I will be repeating a lot of my past mistakes. Here’s how we create our own plan.

I prayed before I got here that I didn’t want a “real” job. What I meant was I needed a job that allotted me the flexibility I needed to really dance. I felt in my heart that was the desire of God. Yet I get to New York, am unable to find a “real” job and am complaining. Is that not the stupidest thing? God granting me the desire of my heart and I’m over here upset because of how he is granting it. So this is to praise God for his timing. Let’s move on.

We tried to cheat on our pizza guy today. Yes our pizza guy. I never had a pizza guy in my life, but I’ve never consumed this much pizza ever. Oh and you don’t call it pizza. It’s a slice. So I order two slices with pepperoni and throw garlic powder on top. Yum. I’ve digressed. Anyway we go to the same guy 2-3 times a week. When we walk in he makes our order right away. Two slices with pepperoni and one slice with pepperoni and two chicken wings. Anyway we thought we’d try a new place. Hamster had suggested A Slice of Harlem so we make our trek (me and my mom) to get pizza.

As we amble along this dude tries to holler at my mother. Why the heck does every dude in America try to holler at my mom every time we go out? I mean what the heck? She gets more play than me. I mean they can be 20, 30, 40. It doesn’t matter. Of course I look like a total blocker because I’m staring at them sizing them up. I mean am I about to be calling you daddy? Really what I want to do is go back to the slave days and throw her on an auction block and sell her to the highest bidder. At least that way we could get it over with and this negro can stop interrupting our pizza field trip. I’m tired and hungry and freezing. Can you stop telling her all about your life and your credentials so I, I mean we, can eat? Just pull out your little apple iphone and get her number so we can go. Let me just say my mother doesn’t give everyone her number. She’s not a hussy. Just a single, nearly 50 hot babe with a better body after three kids than her 25 year old daughter.

What’s this? Are you serious? We did all this walking just to find the pizza place closed down a month ago? Dang! We should’ve never tried to cheat on our pizza guy. The grass isn’t always greener on the other side of the pizza slice.

Life is completely different when you’re not constantly confined to your car. For instance, I saw a pimp today. A real pimp. Okay honestly I don’t know if he was a pimp but he looked like one. Too funny.

What beat that was this guy in the pizza shop. Definitely played the tambourine. It wouldn’t even be worth mentioning if this guy wasn’t so eccentric. He came in all loud trying to figure out where this girl got her boots. Then he started talking about wanting the same things the girls want. In his left ear was wearing a huge earring in the shape of a seashell. He presumed to lift his leg up to prove he was a dancer. He did this right in front of my mom who let him know that was too much. Then he wanted to talk about his Oprah and Halle wigs. It gets worse. All this was done while he held a gold Gideon Bible in his hand. You know the ones you take from hotel rooms? HE then said someone needed healing and shouted Jesus. I think he may have been talking about himself in the third person and needed healing. Healing from his multiple personalities. Whoever is in there…Oprah, Halle, Wayman from A Low Down Dirty Shame, give this man back his body. He ended his debut by putting one of his old voguing tapes into his tape deck. Yeah no fancy ipods here. Then he vogued in our pizza shop. See what we would’ve missed if we had cheated on our pizza guy?

Lastly, we get home and Jaime informs us that our pet mouse Roger is still here. It’s funny how she’s the only one who sees him. Like Haley Joel Osmont in The Sixth Sense who sees dead people. I’m not even sure if Roger exists. Yes today was a good day.