Warning. Before you read this entry understand that I am in no way speaking for a whole group of people. I do not hate men. I love men. Wait that didn’t sound right. What I mean is I am not one of those women who bashes men or thinks they are horrible. Blah blah blah. I have met too many good men to feel that way. The men who were really truly after God’s heart that I have known for the past six or seven years are amazing. But…they are not residing in this state and I am just telling you my experience.
I have decided to call the ignorant men I meet D.A.N. Now I don’t know anyone named Dan but as I walked one day and another dude smacked his lips and made a comment one thought came into my head…Dumb apple Negro. Now I don’t cuss so in my head the word really was apple. I know it’s still wrong and just replaces a cuss word so I repented. Now if I did cuss apple would’ve definitely been another word. That’s not the point. At some point I realized that the first letter of those words made D.A.N. So if I meet you and ever smile and call you D.A.N. that is not a good thing.
Sunday, November 30, 2008
Thursday Sept 18 Privileged
I’m privileged. I may not be wealthy financially (yet), but I still think I am so so privileged. When I think about the people that I have been surrounded by, I don’t take it for granted. At least I try not to. Not everyone has the privilege to be surrounded by educated people. Most of my friends and people I know have degrees. All around me I know people starting their own businesses. I see people who serve the Lord and aren’t total prudes. People who are financially savvy. That makes me privileged. I’ve seen that I can start my own business, that I can be financially independent. That gives me a confidence others have to fight for. Today I am grateful.
What brought this to the forefront of my mind? Wall Street. Wall Street is a huge part of New York. Amidst all the craziness and mass hysteria I am relatively calm. I have money invested in the market as well, but I’m not worried. Partially because I am claiming in faith that though we are in a recession I will not suffer the consequences of such. Also because I understand money and the market, but I only know this stuff because people around me taught me and pointed me to the right places to research and read. I think that’s pretty cool.
What brought this to the forefront of my mind? Wall Street. Wall Street is a huge part of New York. Amidst all the craziness and mass hysteria I am relatively calm. I have money invested in the market as well, but I’m not worried. Partially because I am claiming in faith that though we are in a recession I will not suffer the consequences of such. Also because I understand money and the market, but I only know this stuff because people around me taught me and pointed me to the right places to research and read. I think that’s pretty cool.
Mon Sept 15 Hi Haters
Is it just in our nature to be haters? Is it a skill you develop or is it inherent? Why do we do this to ourselves and others? It makes absolutely no sense.
I bring this up because a couple of people at the place I temp decided to start a rumor about me and a co-worker. It made no sense to me. First off, I’m a temp. I literally sit in the back corner somewhere stuffing envelopes and sending checks. I don’t really bother anyone and I’m pretty quiet so you don’t even realize I’m there. I speak to people, am friendly and do whatever I am assigned to do to the best of my ability. I think that made people nervous. I was beginning to get a good reputation and the people in charge seemed to really take to me. They had already let one person go to keep me on and I’m not sure if that bugged people. So what was the rumor? Too stupid to even discuss. Just don’t assume that if you see people talking that they are somehow involved. Especially if one of them is old enough to be your daddy, married with four kids and one on the way. Assume it even less if when you listen in on their conversation they are talking about the Lord and he raves about how wonderful his wife is and how much he loves his family.
I’ve mentioned over and over that living here has forced me to literally talk to new people every day. Some days I am tired and don’t feel like it, but you never really know who you’re going to meet. Today I met Miriam. I don’t know what drew me to her. Maybe it was the fact that she was a teenage girl and I like working with teens. All I know is that within minutes she was telling me her whole life story. She was Muslim and on a thirty day fast. Right then I admired her. To be sixteen with the dedication to fast for thirty days, no food, water, nothing takes a lot. And she had been doing it for years. So I began asking her questions about being Muslim and she began asking me questions about being Christian. It wasn’t a debate, no one was trying to force the others religion on the other. We just talked. She talked about how straight my teeth were and how she hated hers. I explained how I went through high school and half of college looking snaggle toothed. At the end of the conversation did she want to become a Christian? No. Did she leave feeling encouraged and knowing that God loved her and that can be demonstrated by a stranger speaking to her? Yes.
New York is a melting pot. It just so happens that I live in an area with a lot of Muslims. I have watched them and questioned why as Christians we don’t have the same dedication. They pray three times a day faithfully much like Daniel did, but sometimes I look up and haven’t talked to God once. From the time she was a child Miriam fasted every September with nothing touching her lips as many Muslims do. We complain and can’t make it through one day of fasting sometime. We say no food but go and drink two or three Jamba Juices. Why? How come that level and dedication to God is not automatically built into our relationships? It made me repent on the spot for not doing all I could to dedicate myself to the Christ who gave up his very life for me.
I bring this up because a couple of people at the place I temp decided to start a rumor about me and a co-worker. It made no sense to me. First off, I’m a temp. I literally sit in the back corner somewhere stuffing envelopes and sending checks. I don’t really bother anyone and I’m pretty quiet so you don’t even realize I’m there. I speak to people, am friendly and do whatever I am assigned to do to the best of my ability. I think that made people nervous. I was beginning to get a good reputation and the people in charge seemed to really take to me. They had already let one person go to keep me on and I’m not sure if that bugged people. So what was the rumor? Too stupid to even discuss. Just don’t assume that if you see people talking that they are somehow involved. Especially if one of them is old enough to be your daddy, married with four kids and one on the way. Assume it even less if when you listen in on their conversation they are talking about the Lord and he raves about how wonderful his wife is and how much he loves his family.
I’ve mentioned over and over that living here has forced me to literally talk to new people every day. Some days I am tired and don’t feel like it, but you never really know who you’re going to meet. Today I met Miriam. I don’t know what drew me to her. Maybe it was the fact that she was a teenage girl and I like working with teens. All I know is that within minutes she was telling me her whole life story. She was Muslim and on a thirty day fast. Right then I admired her. To be sixteen with the dedication to fast for thirty days, no food, water, nothing takes a lot. And she had been doing it for years. So I began asking her questions about being Muslim and she began asking me questions about being Christian. It wasn’t a debate, no one was trying to force the others religion on the other. We just talked. She talked about how straight my teeth were and how she hated hers. I explained how I went through high school and half of college looking snaggle toothed. At the end of the conversation did she want to become a Christian? No. Did she leave feeling encouraged and knowing that God loved her and that can be demonstrated by a stranger speaking to her? Yes.
New York is a melting pot. It just so happens that I live in an area with a lot of Muslims. I have watched them and questioned why as Christians we don’t have the same dedication. They pray three times a day faithfully much like Daniel did, but sometimes I look up and haven’t talked to God once. From the time she was a child Miriam fasted every September with nothing touching her lips as many Muslims do. We complain and can’t make it through one day of fasting sometime. We say no food but go and drink two or three Jamba Juices. Why? How come that level and dedication to God is not automatically built into our relationships? It made me repent on the spot for not doing all I could to dedicate myself to the Christ who gave up his very life for me.
Sun Sept 14, 2008 The Adventures of Church Girl
If I were to die today, when I met God I would have just one question. It wouldn’t be what is the meaning to life or why he let so and so do whatever they did. I would have one question for God. Why was it so hard to find a church in New York? I mean throw me a bone here. It’s not like I’m not trying. What lesson were you trying to teach me? Okay that’s two questions but ok.
Stay tuned for this week’s adventure of the black girl who can’t find a church. This week we have black girl traveling to Brooklyn to what’s supposed to be an awesome church. Black girl is really excited because her past church experiences have left her a little hungry for corporate worship. She gets to the subway. Twenty minute wait. She hops on the subway. Forty five minute ride. By this time black girl is a little panicked. She only allotted 1 ½ hours travel time to church and now it appears she may be late. She exits the subway to catch the bus. Fifteen minute wait. Black girl decides to start walking the same route the bus takes. How far would she really have to walk?
Ten minutes later…Black girl decides to just wait for the bus. Its 80 degrees plus humidity and she forgot to wear her invisible suit that makes her impervious to heat. Twenty minutes later the bus comes. Have you been adding? It’s been almost two hours and black girl has not made it to church. She is late and probably missing the ushers taking up the third offering right now. She is on the bus just riding. Riding. Wishing her cape wasn’t in the shop so she could fly to church. By this time it’s close to 11:15 and church started 45 minutes ago. Black girl feels her powers fading as it seems she may never reach her destination and get reenergized. But wait! Just then she remembers she has a source of power stored in her purse. Aw wait. Yes there it is. She pulls out her Bible! Duh duh duh duh duh (that’s silly superhero music). So she decides that she doesn’t want to disrespect someone’s church by walking in more than an hour late. She gets off the bus, crosses the street and waits for the bus that will take her in the opposite direction home.
All jokes aside this really did happen and looking for a church has been discouraging. Please pray.
Stay tuned for this week’s adventure of the black girl who can’t find a church. This week we have black girl traveling to Brooklyn to what’s supposed to be an awesome church. Black girl is really excited because her past church experiences have left her a little hungry for corporate worship. She gets to the subway. Twenty minute wait. She hops on the subway. Forty five minute ride. By this time black girl is a little panicked. She only allotted 1 ½ hours travel time to church and now it appears she may be late. She exits the subway to catch the bus. Fifteen minute wait. Black girl decides to start walking the same route the bus takes. How far would she really have to walk?
Ten minutes later…Black girl decides to just wait for the bus. Its 80 degrees plus humidity and she forgot to wear her invisible suit that makes her impervious to heat. Twenty minutes later the bus comes. Have you been adding? It’s been almost two hours and black girl has not made it to church. She is late and probably missing the ushers taking up the third offering right now. She is on the bus just riding. Riding. Wishing her cape wasn’t in the shop so she could fly to church. By this time it’s close to 11:15 and church started 45 minutes ago. Black girl feels her powers fading as it seems she may never reach her destination and get reenergized. But wait! Just then she remembers she has a source of power stored in her purse. Aw wait. Yes there it is. She pulls out her Bible! Duh duh duh duh duh (that’s silly superhero music). So she decides that she doesn’t want to disrespect someone’s church by walking in more than an hour late. She gets off the bus, crosses the street and waits for the bus that will take her in the opposite direction home.
All jokes aside this really did happen and looking for a church has been discouraging. Please pray.
Friday, November 21, 2008
Friday, Sept. 12, 2008 What is corny?
Has anyone ever come up to you and say something and you feel it’s the corniest, lamest thing ever said? I know I have been on both the giving and receiving side of corniest. Do we mean to be corny? I don’t think so. Sometimes it just comes out that way. For instance, there is this guy at my job who makes it very clear that he is interested in me. The nasty feet looker. Though I have told him that he needs to back it up and keep it in the friend zone he keeps throwing himself in front of the bus. I have clearly stated that it will never happen in those exact words. There is a point to this.
The other day I was walking up the block to work. We never see each other because he is supposed to get to work before me. This particular day he was late. So we get to the door at the same time and we start chatting. Later in the day he sends me a text that says, “I would be late a million times just to see you walk up the block once more.” Are you serious? CORNY!!! I know some of you are probably back on why this guy has my number but everyone has my number so that’s irrelevant. It was such a corny statement and sounded like a line. It literally made me nauseous. Who says once more? Dude you’re from Brooklyn. You’re not flipping Shakespeare. You don’t talk like that. You wear Tims and a hat with the sticker on it to work. Give me a break.
So this brought me to the idea of corny. Now was what he said corny because it just was or because I have no interest in him romantically? I think it’s the latter. If someone that I was really interested in said something like that I would probably think it was so sweet and call my friends. But because this knucklehead said it I’m ready to dismiss it. I believe much like common sense, corny is relative to your experience and frame of reference.
Sidenote…If I go to one more audition and someone tells me I remind them of Ciara I may inflict harm on them. Don’t get me wrong Ciara is beautiful but we don’t look alike. I don’t even think we dance alike. Why can’t I just look like Dez?
The other day I was walking up the block to work. We never see each other because he is supposed to get to work before me. This particular day he was late. So we get to the door at the same time and we start chatting. Later in the day he sends me a text that says, “I would be late a million times just to see you walk up the block once more.” Are you serious? CORNY!!! I know some of you are probably back on why this guy has my number but everyone has my number so that’s irrelevant. It was such a corny statement and sounded like a line. It literally made me nauseous. Who says once more? Dude you’re from Brooklyn. You’re not flipping Shakespeare. You don’t talk like that. You wear Tims and a hat with the sticker on it to work. Give me a break.
So this brought me to the idea of corny. Now was what he said corny because it just was or because I have no interest in him romantically? I think it’s the latter. If someone that I was really interested in said something like that I would probably think it was so sweet and call my friends. But because this knucklehead said it I’m ready to dismiss it. I believe much like common sense, corny is relative to your experience and frame of reference.
Sidenote…If I go to one more audition and someone tells me I remind them of Ciara I may inflict harm on them. Don’t get me wrong Ciara is beautiful but we don’t look alike. I don’t even think we dance alike. Why can’t I just look like Dez?
Weds Sept. 10: Psssssss off
I have never seen so many Dunkin Donuts in my life! Honestly I didn’t even know they were still around until I got to New York. They are like 7-11’s out here. There is literally one on every block. It’s the biggest chain/franchise in the state of New York. That is crazy. With the decline of Krispy Kreme I didn’t know people still ate donuts so much. I’m much more of a fan of Winchell’s or anyplace they give you a pink box when you order a dozen.
You know what else I see on every corner? Rude people. It makes me so upset when people are inconsiderate of one another. I literally want to lose it. For instance, where I am temping there is a massive wait for the elevator if you arrive right at 9am. So I watch people who are late see the long line of people and jump in front of everyone when the elevator opens. Who does that? Just blatantly rude and it makes me want to check them on the spot.
Let’s continue with things common to New York street corners. Hmmm. Bad apple kids. Apple is the nice way to say it, but just kids that need whippings. Often. This little girl who couldn’t have been more than ten was a professional curser. She just about cursed out everyone in the pizza place. I mean cussed them all the way out. All I could do was look at her and tell her that she was too young to have such a foul mouth. All over the place kids were running outside like rodents unleashed on the city. It’s especially difficult because we live on a street where many African families live. It’s definitely more family oriented so all their little bad kids run around. Run in the building and push all the elevator buttons so that by the time you step on you have to go to every floor. Just what you wanted to do after a long day of work. Thank you little bad kid. You should get a treat. How about a Scooby snack? I guess in a way I can’t be mad at them. I think part of the issue is these kids don’t have anywhere to play. There are no playgrounds nearby and if there were many of their parents work. On top of that many of the apartments are too small and overcrowded. I mean I really try to be sensitive to that. Until some kids soccer ball comes flying at my head and I decide I will be getting my tubes tied the very next day.
Thank you mom for making the decision to move out of New York because you didn’t want to raise your kids in the city. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you.
Oh by the way, I got the job. The crazy thing is it’s the exact salary I had prayed for. One that allows me not to have to hustle doing four or five things at a time to pay my bills. So that should be cool. I just have to postpone my start date because I have a callback for a movie.
One more thing. You ever just go off on someone as the scapegoat for a whole group? What I mean is have you ever gone off on one man for something a lot of men have done to you? Let’s not make this all deep. Not someone you knew or were dating. A perfect stranger. I did that today. I get so sick of men pssssing me. You know the sound ladies. The hey come over here I’m trying to get your attention type pssss. The one that makes you want to clobber someone over the head. Yes that pssss. I had a long day and just wasn’t in the mood for another man to try to talk to me. So this man pssssd me and before I could help it I had turned around and made it rain on him. I went off. More in jest but I was serious. First I asked him if he thought I was a dog and reminded him that in fact I was very human. I then let him know that he would’ve fared much better if he had introduced himself or said hello. That any self-respecting women deserved to be treated like that and in case no other woman had told him I was. So you know what he did right? He tried harder to get my number. Dude I just told you off in front of all your boys and you still are making a pass? Go away.
You know what else I see on every corner? Rude people. It makes me so upset when people are inconsiderate of one another. I literally want to lose it. For instance, where I am temping there is a massive wait for the elevator if you arrive right at 9am. So I watch people who are late see the long line of people and jump in front of everyone when the elevator opens. Who does that? Just blatantly rude and it makes me want to check them on the spot.
Let’s continue with things common to New York street corners. Hmmm. Bad apple kids. Apple is the nice way to say it, but just kids that need whippings. Often. This little girl who couldn’t have been more than ten was a professional curser. She just about cursed out everyone in the pizza place. I mean cussed them all the way out. All I could do was look at her and tell her that she was too young to have such a foul mouth. All over the place kids were running outside like rodents unleashed on the city. It’s especially difficult because we live on a street where many African families live. It’s definitely more family oriented so all their little bad kids run around. Run in the building and push all the elevator buttons so that by the time you step on you have to go to every floor. Just what you wanted to do after a long day of work. Thank you little bad kid. You should get a treat. How about a Scooby snack? I guess in a way I can’t be mad at them. I think part of the issue is these kids don’t have anywhere to play. There are no playgrounds nearby and if there were many of their parents work. On top of that many of the apartments are too small and overcrowded. I mean I really try to be sensitive to that. Until some kids soccer ball comes flying at my head and I decide I will be getting my tubes tied the very next day.
Thank you mom for making the decision to move out of New York because you didn’t want to raise your kids in the city. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you.
Oh by the way, I got the job. The crazy thing is it’s the exact salary I had prayed for. One that allows me not to have to hustle doing four or five things at a time to pay my bills. So that should be cool. I just have to postpone my start date because I have a callback for a movie.
One more thing. You ever just go off on someone as the scapegoat for a whole group? What I mean is have you ever gone off on one man for something a lot of men have done to you? Let’s not make this all deep. Not someone you knew or were dating. A perfect stranger. I did that today. I get so sick of men pssssing me. You know the sound ladies. The hey come over here I’m trying to get your attention type pssss. The one that makes you want to clobber someone over the head. Yes that pssss. I had a long day and just wasn’t in the mood for another man to try to talk to me. So this man pssssd me and before I could help it I had turned around and made it rain on him. I went off. More in jest but I was serious. First I asked him if he thought I was a dog and reminded him that in fact I was very human. I then let him know that he would’ve fared much better if he had introduced himself or said hello. That any self-respecting women deserved to be treated like that and in case no other woman had told him I was. So you know what he did right? He tried harder to get my number. Dude I just told you off in front of all your boys and you still are making a pass? Go away.
Monday, September 8: Hi My name is Desiree and i'm a control freak
I had a job interview today. I wasn’t necessarily looking for a job. I had put my resume into cyberspace but hadn’t heard anything. Then this lady contacted me and we played phone tag for two weeks. So yeah I went to this interview to work as an assistant at a publishing company. It paid really well so we will see how it goes. One of the interviewers had the same last name as me so maybe that’s a good thing. Interviews are tough because you can never tell by their faces if you’re doing a good job or not. They also told me that they had been interviewing tons of people over the past few months and had found no one. The good thing for me was that if I didn’t get the job at least I had a long term temp position so I wasn’t worried. I also had savings to last me some months so I’ll let God head this one up.
Later I got a call from that movie I auditioned for. I really want the part but at this point I am beginning to realize I have no control over the plans for my life. Let me rephrase that. I have control but I want to really allow God to run things. So we shall see.
Did you guys know I am a complete and utter control freak? I mean those close to me know that but sometimes I forget. Then that control thing rears its head in the most random places. Today it happened at salsa class.
Let me tell you something, if you want to learn about submission take a salsa class. I realize God will use anything to get his point across. Sometimes being knowledgeable in a certain area works against you. It is almost better to be ignorant. It makes you a better student because you have a blank slate. I had three things working against me as I walked into salsa class. One, I danced so it made me think I knew more than the teacher. Ha ha. Two, I had learned “fake” salsa which had developed some wrong habits in me that would be difficult to unlearn. Three, I am a control freak. So I’m in class and I can learn rather quickly and I do well when I can dance alone. As soon as I have to dance with a partner it’s a mess. See in salsa the man leads and the woman follows. You can’t have two leaders or it creates disorder and a mess. So when I can lead because I am dancing by myself I look great. But I would find that I couldn’t relax when I had to rely on my partner to lead me. I was tense and anticipating his every next move.
It wasn’t until I left that I realized that this mirrored my relationship with the Lord. He was supposed to lead and I was to submit but I wouldn’t let go of control. If I ever wanted to relax and ease into the dance of my life I was going to have to let God lead me. I don’t do that on purpose. It’s just difficult but I recognize this and am working on it. Pray for me ya’ll.
Later I got a call from that movie I auditioned for. I really want the part but at this point I am beginning to realize I have no control over the plans for my life. Let me rephrase that. I have control but I want to really allow God to run things. So we shall see.
Did you guys know I am a complete and utter control freak? I mean those close to me know that but sometimes I forget. Then that control thing rears its head in the most random places. Today it happened at salsa class.
Let me tell you something, if you want to learn about submission take a salsa class. I realize God will use anything to get his point across. Sometimes being knowledgeable in a certain area works against you. It is almost better to be ignorant. It makes you a better student because you have a blank slate. I had three things working against me as I walked into salsa class. One, I danced so it made me think I knew more than the teacher. Ha ha. Two, I had learned “fake” salsa which had developed some wrong habits in me that would be difficult to unlearn. Three, I am a control freak. So I’m in class and I can learn rather quickly and I do well when I can dance alone. As soon as I have to dance with a partner it’s a mess. See in salsa the man leads and the woman follows. You can’t have two leaders or it creates disorder and a mess. So when I can lead because I am dancing by myself I look great. But I would find that I couldn’t relax when I had to rely on my partner to lead me. I was tense and anticipating his every next move.
It wasn’t until I left that I realized that this mirrored my relationship with the Lord. He was supposed to lead and I was to submit but I wouldn’t let go of control. If I ever wanted to relax and ease into the dance of my life I was going to have to let God lead me. I don’t do that on purpose. It’s just difficult but I recognize this and am working on it. Pray for me ya’ll.
Monday, November 10, 2008
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Sunday Sept 7: Fake Celebrity
I shot a commercial today. Nothing that you’re gonna see on television or anything. Just a commercial for a website. I’m working with this designer who is launching her own clothing line and so I was in her commercial. It was really really fun. What was pure comedy are the people who happen to walk by as you’re shooting. They see cameras, makeup artists, etc. but can’t for the life of them figure out who the heck you are. They stop, look and point and then give up. I’m nobody people! I mean I am somebody just nobody famous.
Second to that was the fact that my shoes were entirely too big! Without a doubt I have been a size 10 for years. Sometimes, depending on the shoe, I can get in a 9 ½. But for some reason I have noticed that some of my shoes are now flopping in the back. There are several reasons this could be like the fact that leather stretches but I am convinced my foot has shrunk. I have read that when people lose weight it is possible for their feet to shrink. Over the past year I have lost close to 20 pounds and went from a size 9/10 to a 5/6. So yeah I think my foot shrunk. They should make shoes in quarter sizes like 9 ¾. That would fit perfectly.
So I was wearing my heels and they just start flopping off my foot and I am trying to keep a straight face. Finally we have to stuff tons of tissue into the back of my shoe so they will stop coming off. What is worse is that instinctively you begin to clench your toes so your shoe will stay on which is highly uncomfortable.
What else? I tried a Jamaican Beef Patty for the first time. It was pretty tasty. I really enjoyed it.
Commercial shoot
People from the commercial shoot
Me at the commercial shoot. Yes I realize I have on blue lipstick but that was all the makeup artist. Thursday Sept 4: Attack of the Tuna Lady
I’m beginning to think I am a magnet for all things funny or random. It seems on a daily basis I find a reason to laugh at something that shouldn’t be at all funny. Sometimes I feel like God has certain people walk by me just so I can laugh though that doesn’t sound too much like something he would do.
On this particular day I was sitting down waiting for the subway. On my right a young woman who looked to be the same age as me. On my left a lady who seemed to be a little off. She was kind of talking to herself and acting a little strange. I ignored this. It seems to be typical behavior here. I was cool until she pulled out the biggest plate of tuna I have ever seen and began to smack on it. Eww and she wasn’t chewing with her mouth closed. Now I love tuna but it never smells like that when I eat it. It was so gross and I wanted to ask her why. Why would you open that up and eat it when we are underground with poor ventilation. Why tuna lady why?
I didn’t want to seem rude so I didn’t get up and move. I just held my breath. In my heart I didn’t want her to feel like I was moving because of her. It wasn’t her. It was her darn tuna. Part of me thought I was crazy until I saw sane girl on my right make a face and get up. Then she looked back at me like I was crazy for tolerating the smell. I was trying to be nice but if she had the guts to move then so did I. I slowly got up and went to stand by sane girl. We busted up laughing about how we tried to hold out as long as we could.
The subway finally comes and I am hoping this lady doesn’t come sit by me. I mean the train was completely empty. Well I must have had an I love tuna pin on because she came and sat right next to me. I was so irritated.
Then at the next stop a man with his shirt open revealing his taco meat chest fro came and sat on the other side of me. He was sweating and stuff and I promise his chest fro smelled bad. So here I am sitting between tuna and sweat thinking why me. What else could make this situation even more ridiculous? Why did I ask?
This man down on his luck comes into the subway and makes this announcement, “excuse me ladies and gentlemen. I am having a rough time right now and just need to get some money so that I can eat. I have decided to use my voice as a way to get me money.” I know it makes you feel a little bad right? Well not so much if you hear it day in and day out and everyone literally recites the same speech. I literally think they have some sort of class where they get together and tell you how to sucker people out of money. Anyway he starts singing Lean on Me. I didn’t want to laugh. I really didn’t but the man couldn’t sing. At all. On top of that he didn’t give us just a little sample of his wonderful voice. Oh no. He sang the whole song. Oh yeah. Every word. I just wanted to start yelling “Free Mr. Clark!” and “Mr. Clark doesn’t care about you because you don’t take care of your responsibilities!!!” and “Why would I want to get rid of her? I love her.” I wanted Mr. Clark to come in and double dutch. I wanted the guys in the bathroom to show up and start singing “Fair Eastside.” It was ridiculous but I held my composure.
Too bad tuna lady didn’t. She busted up laughing. I look at her like she has lost her mind. You have the nerve to laugh at him when you are eating tuna and talking to people who aren’t there? Talk about irony.
On this particular day I was sitting down waiting for the subway. On my right a young woman who looked to be the same age as me. On my left a lady who seemed to be a little off. She was kind of talking to herself and acting a little strange. I ignored this. It seems to be typical behavior here. I was cool until she pulled out the biggest plate of tuna I have ever seen and began to smack on it. Eww and she wasn’t chewing with her mouth closed. Now I love tuna but it never smells like that when I eat it. It was so gross and I wanted to ask her why. Why would you open that up and eat it when we are underground with poor ventilation. Why tuna lady why?
I didn’t want to seem rude so I didn’t get up and move. I just held my breath. In my heart I didn’t want her to feel like I was moving because of her. It wasn’t her. It was her darn tuna. Part of me thought I was crazy until I saw sane girl on my right make a face and get up. Then she looked back at me like I was crazy for tolerating the smell. I was trying to be nice but if she had the guts to move then so did I. I slowly got up and went to stand by sane girl. We busted up laughing about how we tried to hold out as long as we could.
The subway finally comes and I am hoping this lady doesn’t come sit by me. I mean the train was completely empty. Well I must have had an I love tuna pin on because she came and sat right next to me. I was so irritated.
Then at the next stop a man with his shirt open revealing his taco meat chest fro came and sat on the other side of me. He was sweating and stuff and I promise his chest fro smelled bad. So here I am sitting between tuna and sweat thinking why me. What else could make this situation even more ridiculous? Why did I ask?
This man down on his luck comes into the subway and makes this announcement, “excuse me ladies and gentlemen. I am having a rough time right now and just need to get some money so that I can eat. I have decided to use my voice as a way to get me money.” I know it makes you feel a little bad right? Well not so much if you hear it day in and day out and everyone literally recites the same speech. I literally think they have some sort of class where they get together and tell you how to sucker people out of money. Anyway he starts singing Lean on Me. I didn’t want to laugh. I really didn’t but the man couldn’t sing. At all. On top of that he didn’t give us just a little sample of his wonderful voice. Oh no. He sang the whole song. Oh yeah. Every word. I just wanted to start yelling “Free Mr. Clark!” and “Mr. Clark doesn’t care about you because you don’t take care of your responsibilities!!!” and “Why would I want to get rid of her? I love her.” I wanted Mr. Clark to come in and double dutch. I wanted the guys in the bathroom to show up and start singing “Fair Eastside.” It was ridiculous but I held my composure.
Too bad tuna lady didn’t. She busted up laughing. I look at her like she has lost her mind. You have the nerve to laugh at him when you are eating tuna and talking to people who aren’t there? Talk about irony.
Wednesday Sept 3: Random Thoughts
Today is just a mix of random stuff I saw on the streets. What is that game called where men hit a tiny ball against the wall and wear those funny headbands? Is it racquetball? No that would involve a racquet. Duh. I don’t know. It looks like a manly version of handball. Anyway I saw a whole bunch of men playing that today. It was just odd. Shouldn’t you be playing basketball or was that ball too big to handle.
Trivia question of the day. Why when you smell something foul do you take a bigger whiff to ensure that it in fact smells? Why would you put your nose through that torture twice? I find myself doing that subconsciously. On the subway I think I am sitting next to the man who forgot that women actually find it appealing when you don’t smell like old fish yet I take in another whiff just to be sure. So silly.
Trivia question of the day. Why when you smell something foul do you take a bigger whiff to ensure that it in fact smells? Why would you put your nose through that torture twice? I find myself doing that subconsciously. On the subway I think I am sitting next to the man who forgot that women actually find it appealing when you don’t smell like old fish yet I take in another whiff just to be sure. So silly.
Monday Sept. 1, 2008 False Prophets
I know I know. Didn’t I just say that I wasn’t going to hang out with anymore men? This probably makes me look fast as I don’t know what. I think maybe I just like torturing myself. It’s almost becoming a sick joke I play on myself. I just experienced like the worst non-date ever last night. So why oh why would I hang out with someone else? Because then my life would be boring and I would have nothing to write about. What I have learned this year is that men are men. Saved or not at the core they are men. Silly men.
A few weeks ago I had met a guy that I talked to at a Starbucks and I was so impressed because he just talked about the Lord. I think I may have written about him. I was in no way attracted to him but it was cool to be able to talk to someone about the Lord. He had even referred us to a church that Jaime and I had checked out a few times. I saw him at church. So we had agreed to meet and hang out.
So I am trying to be open-minded about people but I’m thinking about just hibernating. All this guy did was talk about him. He would ask me a question. When I would answer he would have to top me. It was like a competition. It was so stupid. Like go find your self esteem then come back to me.
So we had decided to go to Dave and Busters and play games but we sat down to get appetizers first. There is a key fact I want you to remember. When we sat down he told me to order whatever I wanted. Just remember that. So we sit and talk. He keeps picking my brain about politics, finances, religion, etc. I think he was trying to stump me or prove he was smarter than me. Too bad for him he didn’t know that I read books and the newspaper. He seemed shocked that I was able to answer the questions he asked.
Somehow we got on the subject on religion. He was just talking about how it related to him in relationships and then he said something that made me cock my head to the side. I can’t recall what it was exactly but I remember saying, “So you think sex before marriage is ok?” He replied yes. He asked me if I did and I said no. I’m not perfect. No one is. We all make mistakes and we all sin but at the end of the day I know my sin is sin. I know sex before marriage isn’t ok with God. What bothered me was that he wasn’t saying that he knew according to the Bible sex before marriage was wrong but he chose to participate. He was saying that he believed that God was ok with it. He said he had studied his Bible and couldn’t find anywhere where it said it wasn’t ok. I just looked at him. He said he prayed about it. I said and what God said go ahead. He said yes. He misquoted where I think it was Paul saying that it is better not to marry. So I just started pounding him with scriptures over and over. He wasn’t convinced. He said that if I could find some scripture he would hear me out and change his mind even though I had quoted a billion scriptures and gave him tons of examples. This night is over. Goodbye. No need to play games or finish this conversation. He then said that I was welcome to come over to his house and have bible study. Oh heck no. Get behind me Satan. You are a false prophet and need to be locked up because you’re nasty. You’re a nasty man. This night is over. Then he wanted me to come over and cook for him if he provided all of the materials. What is it with men wanting you to cook for them? You ain’t my man. You’re not a family member or a friend.
Then the bill came and he said, “So we’re gonna split this?” What was the key thing I told you guys to remember? That he said to order what I wanted. If I was going to have to pay for my food why tell me order what I want? I know that with my money I can order whatever I want. You don’t have to remind me of that. Are you serious? That night was really over. The only reason I didn’t tell him off was because I didn’t know if the Lord wanted to use me to knock some sense in him. Needless to say I called him a few days later to let him know I found some more scriptures. Of course he never returned my call and we haven’t spoken since. Praise God!!!
If this is the pick of men in New York I won’t be dating at all. This is for the birds.
A few weeks ago I had met a guy that I talked to at a Starbucks and I was so impressed because he just talked about the Lord. I think I may have written about him. I was in no way attracted to him but it was cool to be able to talk to someone about the Lord. He had even referred us to a church that Jaime and I had checked out a few times. I saw him at church. So we had agreed to meet and hang out.
So I am trying to be open-minded about people but I’m thinking about just hibernating. All this guy did was talk about him. He would ask me a question. When I would answer he would have to top me. It was like a competition. It was so stupid. Like go find your self esteem then come back to me.
So we had decided to go to Dave and Busters and play games but we sat down to get appetizers first. There is a key fact I want you to remember. When we sat down he told me to order whatever I wanted. Just remember that. So we sit and talk. He keeps picking my brain about politics, finances, religion, etc. I think he was trying to stump me or prove he was smarter than me. Too bad for him he didn’t know that I read books and the newspaper. He seemed shocked that I was able to answer the questions he asked.
Somehow we got on the subject on religion. He was just talking about how it related to him in relationships and then he said something that made me cock my head to the side. I can’t recall what it was exactly but I remember saying, “So you think sex before marriage is ok?” He replied yes. He asked me if I did and I said no. I’m not perfect. No one is. We all make mistakes and we all sin but at the end of the day I know my sin is sin. I know sex before marriage isn’t ok with God. What bothered me was that he wasn’t saying that he knew according to the Bible sex before marriage was wrong but he chose to participate. He was saying that he believed that God was ok with it. He said he had studied his Bible and couldn’t find anywhere where it said it wasn’t ok. I just looked at him. He said he prayed about it. I said and what God said go ahead. He said yes. He misquoted where I think it was Paul saying that it is better not to marry. So I just started pounding him with scriptures over and over. He wasn’t convinced. He said that if I could find some scripture he would hear me out and change his mind even though I had quoted a billion scriptures and gave him tons of examples. This night is over. Goodbye. No need to play games or finish this conversation. He then said that I was welcome to come over to his house and have bible study. Oh heck no. Get behind me Satan. You are a false prophet and need to be locked up because you’re nasty. You’re a nasty man. This night is over. Then he wanted me to come over and cook for him if he provided all of the materials. What is it with men wanting you to cook for them? You ain’t my man. You’re not a family member or a friend.
Then the bill came and he said, “So we’re gonna split this?” What was the key thing I told you guys to remember? That he said to order what I wanted. If I was going to have to pay for my food why tell me order what I want? I know that with my money I can order whatever I want. You don’t have to remind me of that. Are you serious? That night was really over. The only reason I didn’t tell him off was because I didn’t know if the Lord wanted to use me to knock some sense in him. Needless to say I called him a few days later to let him know I found some more scriptures. Of course he never returned my call and we haven’t spoken since. Praise God!!!
If this is the pick of men in New York I won’t be dating at all. This is for the birds.
Sunday Aug 31, 2008: Nasty Foot Looker
Some things shouldn’t be funny. They shouldn’t entertain you. But sometimes the irony is so ridiculous that it makes you laugh. I watched grown men fight in the street with sticks today. I didn’t want to stop and look but the scene was obviously misplaced. I mean the sticks were long. It really should have been in Crouching Tiger, Hidden Dragon. Are you wondering what would make grown men begin to fight one another with sticks? Do I have your attention? I mean it would really have to be something really really important to make them act like three years olds right? Wouldn’t you love for me to just get to the point? Ok. Ok. They were fighting over five cents. I believe that’s the going rate for recycling a can. Yeah so these two dudes were at a recycling place where you put the cans in and get money. One guy stole a can from the other and a stick fight ensued. What made it better was that a few Asian women who spoke no English jumped in and tried to fight the can stealer as well. I know you probably think I make this stuff up but I’m really not that clever. I’m just not.
Yeah so later that day I was walking out of the subway and this guy just kept staring at me. So I’m looking at him like yes can I help you? He finally said Amber? I said no my name’s not Amber. He says oh I thought you were my friend Amber. Survey says…wrong. Negro you know I don’t look like Amber whoever she is. Riddle me this. If she is your “friend” how come you don’t know what the heck she looks like? I know what my friends look like. I would never go up to a stranger and say Tonee? No because I know what the heck he looks like. Just dumb.
So let me explain why I was coming out of the subway other than the fact that I don’t have a car. I somehow had ended up on a date that I didn’t know was a date. He tricked me ya’ll. He was a non co-worker at the place I temped and he tricked me with pizza. I love pizza. One day I was really hungry so he asked me if I wanted to go with him to pick some up during lunch. I was hungry so I said sure. Dumb choice. I thought he was cool and I was very clear about the fact that I was not interested. So when he asked to hang out I said sure. I mean I am trying to get to know people in New York and he seemed perfectly normal.
So I was coming out of the subway to meet him to hang out. So we went to eat and I was ready to leave before I got there. There were these long awkward silent moments. He kept doing weird things like moving his lips but not saying anything. He laughed at everything I said. Ok that’s cool but if I was going to be the only entertaining person I could’ve stayed home and had a conversation with myself. What did I need you for? You’re dismissed. You have been voted off the island. I know it may seem like I am being hard on men but can you blame me? I keep meeting knuckleheads. It has to be me right? You attract who you are right? So does this mean I’m a knucklehead?
It gets worse. I know part of the problem is my mouth. It can be a weapon and often it works against me. It seems like the more of a jerk I am the more intriguing it is. He wants to walk me home and I tell him no. He wants to know why. I explain that he could be a killer or rapist and didn’t need to know where I lived. That that’s a privilege and we weren’t cool with that. What if he for instance let me walk him home and then I was crazy. Now I know where he lives and could turn into a potential stalker. That’s all bad. He said I wasn’t crazy. That’s true but the point was that I could be. He didn’t know, Needless to say he got the point. So I decided to walk around a while to confuse him so he couldn’t even guess where I lived.
Then he did the unthinkable. He kept staring at my feet. Ladies you know that can be awkward right? For someone to just keep looking at your feet. So I asked him what he was looking at. He replied I had nice feet. I asked him to stop being a nasty feet looker. He just laughed but I was serious. Then he said that he was just a foot looker intrigued by me. Ewww. Gag me with a spoon. That was so corny. Intrigued? You don’t even know me. I don’t think I’m intriguing especially to a stranger. It was just a bit much. I knew the conversation was going to have to happen soon. You know the same conversation I had with the Mayor. Even though I had already said ten different ways I didn’t want to date anyone, that I wasn’t interested maybe the eleventh way would be the key. Or maybe I should just not talk to anymore more men. That sounds a little better.
Yeah so later that day I was walking out of the subway and this guy just kept staring at me. So I’m looking at him like yes can I help you? He finally said Amber? I said no my name’s not Amber. He says oh I thought you were my friend Amber. Survey says…wrong. Negro you know I don’t look like Amber whoever she is. Riddle me this. If she is your “friend” how come you don’t know what the heck she looks like? I know what my friends look like. I would never go up to a stranger and say Tonee? No because I know what the heck he looks like. Just dumb.
So let me explain why I was coming out of the subway other than the fact that I don’t have a car. I somehow had ended up on a date that I didn’t know was a date. He tricked me ya’ll. He was a non co-worker at the place I temped and he tricked me with pizza. I love pizza. One day I was really hungry so he asked me if I wanted to go with him to pick some up during lunch. I was hungry so I said sure. Dumb choice. I thought he was cool and I was very clear about the fact that I was not interested. So when he asked to hang out I said sure. I mean I am trying to get to know people in New York and he seemed perfectly normal.
So I was coming out of the subway to meet him to hang out. So we went to eat and I was ready to leave before I got there. There were these long awkward silent moments. He kept doing weird things like moving his lips but not saying anything. He laughed at everything I said. Ok that’s cool but if I was going to be the only entertaining person I could’ve stayed home and had a conversation with myself. What did I need you for? You’re dismissed. You have been voted off the island. I know it may seem like I am being hard on men but can you blame me? I keep meeting knuckleheads. It has to be me right? You attract who you are right? So does this mean I’m a knucklehead?
It gets worse. I know part of the problem is my mouth. It can be a weapon and often it works against me. It seems like the more of a jerk I am the more intriguing it is. He wants to walk me home and I tell him no. He wants to know why. I explain that he could be a killer or rapist and didn’t need to know where I lived. That that’s a privilege and we weren’t cool with that. What if he for instance let me walk him home and then I was crazy. Now I know where he lives and could turn into a potential stalker. That’s all bad. He said I wasn’t crazy. That’s true but the point was that I could be. He didn’t know, Needless to say he got the point. So I decided to walk around a while to confuse him so he couldn’t even guess where I lived.
Then he did the unthinkable. He kept staring at my feet. Ladies you know that can be awkward right? For someone to just keep looking at your feet. So I asked him what he was looking at. He replied I had nice feet. I asked him to stop being a nasty feet looker. He just laughed but I was serious. Then he said that he was just a foot looker intrigued by me. Ewww. Gag me with a spoon. That was so corny. Intrigued? You don’t even know me. I don’t think I’m intriguing especially to a stranger. It was just a bit much. I knew the conversation was going to have to happen soon. You know the same conversation I had with the Mayor. Even though I had already said ten different ways I didn’t want to date anyone, that I wasn’t interested maybe the eleventh way would be the key. Or maybe I should just not talk to anymore more men. That sounds a little better.
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