Sunday, December 28, 2008
Oct 29
I usually send out emails to let people know that I have updated my blog. I don’t send it to everyone, because everyone doesn’t care. I accidently sent an email to my dad. I didn’t realize that until after he sent me an email regarding it. I never would’ve expected him to respond or give me a compliment. I don’t know if it means anything. I don’t know if it means we will begin to form a relationship. It may mean nothing at all, but whatever God wants to do I am willing to let him do.
Tues Oct 28: I will be a Multi-Millionaire
We don’t always believe that our words carry that much meaning, but they do. I have no doubt in my mind that I will be a multi-millionaire and be able to further the kingdom of God. This thought has stayed with me more and more as I read things to edify me. I read the word which is filled with promises but I am referring to other books. I probably go through a new book every other week. I am reading on personal development, growth, spiritual growth, finances; whatever I can get my hands on. It has expanded my mindset and vision. I have also tried to change the music that I listen to. I have put scriptures and goals up at my office on my wall at home so that they are always in sight. This is important. If I want to reach certain goals I have to see myself there first. Moving on…
Every single day I have dressed up to work. We have business casual attire and that’s fine with me. After 3 ½ years of wearing sweatpants to work it’s kind of nice to dress up. There are some days when I would just like to relax and wear jeans, but I don’t. What I realize is that business casual means different things to different people. I see some of these people come in jeans every day. Finally I asked if we were allowed to wear jeans and was told yes. This is great. Because I literally only wash once a month and when my clothes get dirty I can just wear jeans. Sounds good to me.
Some of the women at my job asked me to join them for pizza so I did. It was really nice to get to know people on a personal basis. It was just a breath of fresh air. I don’t get as much interaction with people as I would like sometimes so it’s nice. They have this little knitting club that gets together bi-weekly and they invited me to come. Now I have never knit but I thought it might be cool. I learn a new craft and it opens up my mind a little more. I always imagined that only elderly retired white women with lots of cats knitted ugly holiday sweaters for their relatives that hate them, but that isn’t the case.
Anyone want to take a guess on how many umbrellas I will go through during the Fall/Winter season? It gets so windy and you have to have a heavy duty umbrella if you want to survive here. I say I’ll go through two.
I had an audition today. I haven’t been auditioning much because I really want to focus on becoming a better dancer for me. But if it’s something really interesting or I know the person holding the audition I go to not ruin that relationship for the future. This was actually something I wouldn’t mind doing. Remember a while back when I went to that boxing match at Coney Island. Well while there I had met the organizer for the Golden Gloves boxing matches. She was going to start having dancers perform at the matches between bouts. At the time I didn’t realize that one of the girls I went with was the choreographer for this. The choreographer was a friend of the dancer I met while doing the tribute to Willie Ninja that I almost quit. You get the correlation?
Anyway they called me to audition and I did. I was so nervous. So nervous. I really felt that I was going to book this but I felt I had a horrible audition so I will just have to wait and see what happens.
After the audition I decided to find a nice place to just breathe. It’s hard to find a place in New York not crowded with people. I was really close to Brooklyn Bridge and underneath there was a park that was attached to what looked like a small beach. It looked so peaceful so I just went and sat and thought for a bit. Away from the noise I just wanted to feel God’s presence and know that he was with me. I felt that. It was so nice to just sit and as the water rustled I felt calmed. Like I knew that though my life seems a mess and I don’t feel him close that if I can just find a place of quiet rest he is there. Right now I have to fight for that. Almost recreate it. I don’t have the luxury of just closing my door and finding that unless no one is home. I share my room. I am not complaining. Just have to fight to find those times with God. I guess we all do.
So as if New York isn’t scary enough why did I get a text that the bloods are doing initiations this week and targeting women to rape? Thanks. That makes me feel so settled and at peace when I am walking home at 10:00 at night. I actually feel pretty safe in New York. Nothing like it’s portrayed on TV. What does bother me is I can’t spot out the gang members. They are incognegro. No rags, colors, etc. These guys are probably walking around in business suits.
I have begun to get these terrible migraines. I can’t pinpoint when or how they come but they are constantly there. I always seem to have one and it’s the strangest thing. I have begun to look for reasons why they come and when they appear. Like when I got the text about the audition, I got nervous and anxious and then a migraine came. I think its emotion related. Like if I feel stressed or nervous or upset I get a migraine. This has never happened to me before but now they are always there. It’s like becoming comfortable living in dysfunction which I refuse to do. I am going to go to the doctor to see what the deal is and continue to pray for healing.
Every single day I have dressed up to work. We have business casual attire and that’s fine with me. After 3 ½ years of wearing sweatpants to work it’s kind of nice to dress up. There are some days when I would just like to relax and wear jeans, but I don’t. What I realize is that business casual means different things to different people. I see some of these people come in jeans every day. Finally I asked if we were allowed to wear jeans and was told yes. This is great. Because I literally only wash once a month and when my clothes get dirty I can just wear jeans. Sounds good to me.
Some of the women at my job asked me to join them for pizza so I did. It was really nice to get to know people on a personal basis. It was just a breath of fresh air. I don’t get as much interaction with people as I would like sometimes so it’s nice. They have this little knitting club that gets together bi-weekly and they invited me to come. Now I have never knit but I thought it might be cool. I learn a new craft and it opens up my mind a little more. I always imagined that only elderly retired white women with lots of cats knitted ugly holiday sweaters for their relatives that hate them, but that isn’t the case.
Anyone want to take a guess on how many umbrellas I will go through during the Fall/Winter season? It gets so windy and you have to have a heavy duty umbrella if you want to survive here. I say I’ll go through two.
I had an audition today. I haven’t been auditioning much because I really want to focus on becoming a better dancer for me. But if it’s something really interesting or I know the person holding the audition I go to not ruin that relationship for the future. This was actually something I wouldn’t mind doing. Remember a while back when I went to that boxing match at Coney Island. Well while there I had met the organizer for the Golden Gloves boxing matches. She was going to start having dancers perform at the matches between bouts. At the time I didn’t realize that one of the girls I went with was the choreographer for this. The choreographer was a friend of the dancer I met while doing the tribute to Willie Ninja that I almost quit. You get the correlation?
Anyway they called me to audition and I did. I was so nervous. So nervous. I really felt that I was going to book this but I felt I had a horrible audition so I will just have to wait and see what happens.
After the audition I decided to find a nice place to just breathe. It’s hard to find a place in New York not crowded with people. I was really close to Brooklyn Bridge and underneath there was a park that was attached to what looked like a small beach. It looked so peaceful so I just went and sat and thought for a bit. Away from the noise I just wanted to feel God’s presence and know that he was with me. I felt that. It was so nice to just sit and as the water rustled I felt calmed. Like I knew that though my life seems a mess and I don’t feel him close that if I can just find a place of quiet rest he is there. Right now I have to fight for that. Almost recreate it. I don’t have the luxury of just closing my door and finding that unless no one is home. I share my room. I am not complaining. Just have to fight to find those times with God. I guess we all do.
So as if New York isn’t scary enough why did I get a text that the bloods are doing initiations this week and targeting women to rape? Thanks. That makes me feel so settled and at peace when I am walking home at 10:00 at night. I actually feel pretty safe in New York. Nothing like it’s portrayed on TV. What does bother me is I can’t spot out the gang members. They are incognegro. No rags, colors, etc. These guys are probably walking around in business suits.
I have begun to get these terrible migraines. I can’t pinpoint when or how they come but they are constantly there. I always seem to have one and it’s the strangest thing. I have begun to look for reasons why they come and when they appear. Like when I got the text about the audition, I got nervous and anxious and then a migraine came. I think its emotion related. Like if I feel stressed or nervous or upset I get a migraine. This has never happened to me before but now they are always there. It’s like becoming comfortable living in dysfunction which I refuse to do. I am going to go to the doctor to see what the deal is and continue to pray for healing.
Oct 23
Dude this guy at my job looks just like Orville Redenbacher. Yeah that’s it.
Speaking of work, why is your first day back from vacation always crazy? You would’ve thought I had been gone for weeks. I wanted to stick lots of sharp objects in my eyes today. That’s what type of day it was. Six more months. I am claiming that in six months I will no longer have to work for anyone but myself. So when it happens you were my witness that I spoke it in faith!
Irony is a tricky thing. Or maybe it’s not irony but the enemy. It’s like as soon as you say you are past something or aren’t going to do something there are all types of forces trying to hold you back. It’s like the day you decide you want to fast is the day your job provides lunch for the whole company. It’s a test to see if you have really mastered the thing you claimed you have. It makes sense. There is no way to see if you’re really over something until you come face to face with it and react differently then you did in the past.
I am proud to say I am completely healed. I got tested and passed and it feels great. Some know what I’m speaking of others don’t. It doesn’t matter either way. It just feels good to pass the test you had failed over and over. I’m thinking 2009 will be my good year. It’s not like I had a bad year. I was just so sure that this year would be the year that my life would change. It did, just not in the way I suspected. I got my heart broken, moved to New York, lost some friends, gained some friends. It has been a really hard year for me, but when I look back I think it will be one of the most important years of my life. I don’t know. I’ll let you know when I’m 80.
Speaking of work, why is your first day back from vacation always crazy? You would’ve thought I had been gone for weeks. I wanted to stick lots of sharp objects in my eyes today. That’s what type of day it was. Six more months. I am claiming that in six months I will no longer have to work for anyone but myself. So when it happens you were my witness that I spoke it in faith!
Irony is a tricky thing. Or maybe it’s not irony but the enemy. It’s like as soon as you say you are past something or aren’t going to do something there are all types of forces trying to hold you back. It’s like the day you decide you want to fast is the day your job provides lunch for the whole company. It’s a test to see if you have really mastered the thing you claimed you have. It makes sense. There is no way to see if you’re really over something until you come face to face with it and react differently then you did in the past.
I am proud to say I am completely healed. I got tested and passed and it feels great. Some know what I’m speaking of others don’t. It doesn’t matter either way. It just feels good to pass the test you had failed over and over. I’m thinking 2009 will be my good year. It’s not like I had a bad year. I was just so sure that this year would be the year that my life would change. It did, just not in the way I suspected. I got my heart broken, moved to New York, lost some friends, gained some friends. It has been a really hard year for me, but when I look back I think it will be one of the most important years of my life. I don’t know. I’ll let you know when I’m 80.
Oct 21: Height Does Matter
A smurf tried to hit on me today. Ok. He wasn’t exactly a smurf but just way too short for me. I do give men props. A lot of men I know don’t care about dating women taller than them. I mean look at Tom Cruise. It doesn’t bother him. Can any man out there elucidate on this subject? That’s my word of the day. It was in a book I am reading. Look it up.
Conversely, I know most women have a problem dating someone shorter than them. I’m not going to lie that it is a little uncomfortable to me. I don’t want to wear heels and tower over my date. I don’t know if that’s considered shallow but at least I am being honest. That is something that God would have to work on me with. I would hate to eliminate someone solely based on height or some other outward feature, but height is a hard one.
Live from New York is the Blonde moment of the day…So everyone understands I’ve never been in snow right? Wait. I have gone to Lake Tahoe or Big Bear, but walking around in snow during winter. No. So, if I am walking around and white stuff is falling from the sky of course I would assume its snow right? I mean who wouldn’t. But let’s just say that instead of it being snow it was really dandelions. Then you would officially have the blonde moment of the day. In my defense I really did think it was snowing and it wasn’t like it was just falling in one section of the city. It was everywhere. And they didn’t look like dandelions. Whatever. Stop looking at the computer screen like that. Go read a book or something.
Conversely, I know most women have a problem dating someone shorter than them. I’m not going to lie that it is a little uncomfortable to me. I don’t want to wear heels and tower over my date. I don’t know if that’s considered shallow but at least I am being honest. That is something that God would have to work on me with. I would hate to eliminate someone solely based on height or some other outward feature, but height is a hard one.
Live from New York is the Blonde moment of the day…So everyone understands I’ve never been in snow right? Wait. I have gone to Lake Tahoe or Big Bear, but walking around in snow during winter. No. So, if I am walking around and white stuff is falling from the sky of course I would assume its snow right? I mean who wouldn’t. But let’s just say that instead of it being snow it was really dandelions. Then you would officially have the blonde moment of the day. In my defense I really did think it was snowing and it wasn’t like it was just falling in one section of the city. It was everywhere. And they didn’t look like dandelions. Whatever. Stop looking at the computer screen like that. Go read a book or something.
Monday Oct 20 (part 2): The Return of the Nasty Foot Looker
As I walk around and see the overwhelming amount of Obama supporters one thought came to my mind. I wonder how many of these negros are registered to vote and of the ones who are registered how many will go out and vote. Here is my thought. If you’re not going to actually exercise your right to vote, don’t wear a button. It’s almost hypocritical. Now I’m not talking about people who can’t vote, but those who can and choose not to. Just my thought.
So since I wrote about my crazy incidents with D.A.N.’s I haven’t gone out or hung out with any guys since. I really don’t plan on it either. Most of them have faded out of the picture except one. The nasty foot looker. Like I said he is a cool guy. I don’t mind being cool with him, but he just needs a constant reminder that I don’t like him. At first I felt bad because I am almost mean, but it’s annoying. How do you decide you like someone you don’t even know? We hung out once. We don’t talk on the phone. Every now and then we may text, but it’s very superficial. How does all that amount to liking someone? Or maybe it’s just me. It takes more than that for me to like someone and I can’t expect him to do things the same way I do them.
Anyway today he got on my nerves. We were talking about saving money and he makes some comment about maybe we could put our money together and buy a house. So I asked him why he making the assumption that I would need his help in securing a house. I went on to say that I would not be living with any man before marriage and since he was neither my husband nor a relative that we would not be doing anything together. You know what this bozo said? “You could be my wife in a few years. Only time will tell.” No it won’t tell. I don’t like you. I never have I never will. This is not up for discussion. He went on to say that everyone needs a little help. So I told him that was true. That I trusted that whoever God brings into my life to help me will be revealed and he would be a Godly man. He had nothing to say after that.
So since I wrote about my crazy incidents with D.A.N.’s I haven’t gone out or hung out with any guys since. I really don’t plan on it either. Most of them have faded out of the picture except one. The nasty foot looker. Like I said he is a cool guy. I don’t mind being cool with him, but he just needs a constant reminder that I don’t like him. At first I felt bad because I am almost mean, but it’s annoying. How do you decide you like someone you don’t even know? We hung out once. We don’t talk on the phone. Every now and then we may text, but it’s very superficial. How does all that amount to liking someone? Or maybe it’s just me. It takes more than that for me to like someone and I can’t expect him to do things the same way I do them.
Anyway today he got on my nerves. We were talking about saving money and he makes some comment about maybe we could put our money together and buy a house. So I asked him why he making the assumption that I would need his help in securing a house. I went on to say that I would not be living with any man before marriage and since he was neither my husband nor a relative that we would not be doing anything together. You know what this bozo said? “You could be my wife in a few years. Only time will tell.” No it won’t tell. I don’t like you. I never have I never will. This is not up for discussion. He went on to say that everyone needs a little help. So I told him that was true. That I trusted that whoever God brings into my life to help me will be revealed and he would be a Godly man. He had nothing to say after that.
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