This is a blog entry of random things I saw in one day and there is no need to mull over it or contemplate its meaning. There is no meaning.
We are humans. Collectively our cells, skin, body part, organs, etc make up our very being. Many times we look at ourselves as a whole unit, but have you ever stopped to think about just one part of your body? I did that today and came to this conclusion…our body parts must hate us. Have you ever thought about how your thigh feels to be forced into shorts two sizes too small in 85 degree weather with humidity? I would be pissed so why wouldn’t your thigh? Yet I see tons of women walking around torturing their body parts with clothing that cuts off circulation. Maybe your thighs don’t feel like showcasing the cottage cheese that’s taken residence on them. I respect my thighs…and their cottage cheese.
There is a Senegalese crackhead who enjoys hanging out right in front of my building. Maybe he doesn’t do drugs but he is clearly off. He doesn’t speak or do anything unless he hears African music. All jokes aside. He does nothing! As soon as the music from the shop next door comes on it’s like it activates his spidey senses and he goes to work. It reminds me of the movie Weekend at Bernie’s. Bernie was a dead guy who would seemingly come to life whenever music played. It’s exactly like that. So I’ve seen an African crackhead and now I’m just waiting to see an African rat on crack. That would be interesting.
Tuesday, January 26, 2010
Monday, September 7, 2009
Activate Your Faith
There are often those situations that come in and are a test from God about the level of faith you truly have. On April 10, 2009 my poppa finally got to meet God face to face. I was right by his hospital bed holding his hand. He didn’t struggle or move. He just went peacefully in his sleep. There is a huge piece of me that can’t mourn his death. He lived a good life and served as an example of faith on a daily basis. My poppa had cancer for 8 years. 8 years. That’s a long time to live with a terminal disease. Up until a year ago he still went out and golfed every now and then. He even got recognized by the Cancer Center of America for being a cancer survivor. I have to think that acknowledgement was not that of his body that was slowly giving way to this illness but that of his spirit that was a survivor. It still is a survivor.
That was all because of my poppa’s faith. Even in illness he never confessed that he was sick. To confess means to acknowledge one’s belief in something. Once something comes out of your mouth whether you mean it or not you have acknowledged belief in it. That is why our words are so important.
James 3:3-5 states: “When we put bits into the mouths of horses to make them obey us,
we can turn the whole animal. Or take ships as an example. Although they are so large and
are driven by strong winds, they are steered by a very small rudder wherever the pilot
wants to go. Likewise the tongue is a small part of the body, but it makes great boasts.
Consider what a great forest is set on fire by a small spark. The tongue also is a fire, a
world of evil among the parts of the body. It corrupts the whole person, sets the whole
course of his life on fire, and is itself set on fire by hell.”
When we confess something our body gets in line with what we say. We like to say that our actions control what we do but where do our actions come from? Our thoughts. Where does what we confess come from? Our thoughts. Until we get our thoughts in order, our mouths will never confess the right things but that’s a whole other story. When we don’t speak the right things into the atmosphere our very being gets corrupted.
I know someone is thinking, “Well your poppa confessed the right things and he still died.” That’s very true. He did. But I have to believe it was his time to go. Death is imminent for us all. No one’s confession can keep them from dying. But what if his confessions were the reason why he lived a little longer? His confession let him see his first great grandchild born. It allowed him to share a little more wisdom. There was so much that he didn’t miss because of his confession. It reminds me of Daniel 3 where when the three Hebrew boys were facing death by furnace for not bowing to the king said this,
“O, Nebuchadnezzar, we do not need to defend ourselves before you in this matter. If we
are thrown into the blazing furnace, the God we serve is able to save us from it, and he
will rescue us from your hand, O king. But even if he does not, we want you to know, O
king, that we will not serve your gods or worship the image of gold you have set up.”
Their faith and confession changed the outcome of the decree of the king. But if they had lacked faith or confessed their deaths, you better believe we would’ve had some burnt up Hebrew boys and the entire book of Daniel would read much different.
I am becoming much better at tailoring what I say. It can be difficult at times but I am definitely seeing the results. Daniel and the Hebrew boys left a legacy of faith. My poppa left a legacy of faith. What legacy will you leave?
On a lighter note, I wonder what my poppa’s first question to God was when he got to heaven. I know I have a ton of questions for Him.
That was all because of my poppa’s faith. Even in illness he never confessed that he was sick. To confess means to acknowledge one’s belief in something. Once something comes out of your mouth whether you mean it or not you have acknowledged belief in it. That is why our words are so important.
James 3:3-5 states: “When we put bits into the mouths of horses to make them obey us,
we can turn the whole animal. Or take ships as an example. Although they are so large and
are driven by strong winds, they are steered by a very small rudder wherever the pilot
wants to go. Likewise the tongue is a small part of the body, but it makes great boasts.
Consider what a great forest is set on fire by a small spark. The tongue also is a fire, a
world of evil among the parts of the body. It corrupts the whole person, sets the whole
course of his life on fire, and is itself set on fire by hell.”
When we confess something our body gets in line with what we say. We like to say that our actions control what we do but where do our actions come from? Our thoughts. Where does what we confess come from? Our thoughts. Until we get our thoughts in order, our mouths will never confess the right things but that’s a whole other story. When we don’t speak the right things into the atmosphere our very being gets corrupted.
I know someone is thinking, “Well your poppa confessed the right things and he still died.” That’s very true. He did. But I have to believe it was his time to go. Death is imminent for us all. No one’s confession can keep them from dying. But what if his confessions were the reason why he lived a little longer? His confession let him see his first great grandchild born. It allowed him to share a little more wisdom. There was so much that he didn’t miss because of his confession. It reminds me of Daniel 3 where when the three Hebrew boys were facing death by furnace for not bowing to the king said this,
“O, Nebuchadnezzar, we do not need to defend ourselves before you in this matter. If we
are thrown into the blazing furnace, the God we serve is able to save us from it, and he
will rescue us from your hand, O king. But even if he does not, we want you to know, O
king, that we will not serve your gods or worship the image of gold you have set up.”
Their faith and confession changed the outcome of the decree of the king. But if they had lacked faith or confessed their deaths, you better believe we would’ve had some burnt up Hebrew boys and the entire book of Daniel would read much different.
I am becoming much better at tailoring what I say. It can be difficult at times but I am definitely seeing the results. Daniel and the Hebrew boys left a legacy of faith. My poppa left a legacy of faith. What legacy will you leave?
On a lighter note, I wonder what my poppa’s first question to God was when he got to heaven. I know I have a ton of questions for Him.
Wednesday, September 2, 2009
Favor ain't fair
So I knew my big mouth would come in handy one day. I have this habit of just pretty much saying whatever I feel. Sometimes it works in my favor. Other times it doesn’t. What I am about to write about seems so unreal to me. It’s purely a mixture of personality, correct positioning and favor from God. Some would call it luck but I don’t believe in luck. If it did exist I wouldn’t want to rely on it anyway.
I was asked to dance in a piece at a reputable university for their black history month program. Since it was for a friend I figured why not. A week into rehearsals another dancer joined us. She was really nice and we hit it off. Come to find out she was the Director of Admissions at the university. At the time that meant nothing to me.
The day we were going to minister I went into her office to get her. She was ecstatic because she had given away scholarships.
So I said, “If you were giving away scholarships you should’ve gave me one.”
She said, “Do you want to go here?”
I said, “If you’re going to give me a scholarship.”
“I’ll tell you what. The deadline is July 15th (my birthday). If you can get your application in by then you’re in. I don’t care what your grades are. If you can get your application in in the next two weeks, I’ll give you a scholarship.”
I pondered this notion. Nowhere in my five year plan did school fit, especially seminary. What was I supposed to do with that degree? Did I really want to take this opportunity away from someone else who dreamed of going here when I had literally stepped into it? I called Pastor Dre to get her feedback and she said if the only thing keeping me from going to school was some paperwork then I should fill it out and see what happens.
Did I mention that this all happened three days before I was leaving to go to California? How convenient it would be to literally walk on campus to get my recommendations and transcripts without having to get them sent? God is so awesome!
I was asked to dance in a piece at a reputable university for their black history month program. Since it was for a friend I figured why not. A week into rehearsals another dancer joined us. She was really nice and we hit it off. Come to find out she was the Director of Admissions at the university. At the time that meant nothing to me.
The day we were going to minister I went into her office to get her. She was ecstatic because she had given away scholarships.
So I said, “If you were giving away scholarships you should’ve gave me one.”
She said, “Do you want to go here?”
I said, “If you’re going to give me a scholarship.”
“I’ll tell you what. The deadline is July 15th (my birthday). If you can get your application in by then you’re in. I don’t care what your grades are. If you can get your application in in the next two weeks, I’ll give you a scholarship.”
I pondered this notion. Nowhere in my five year plan did school fit, especially seminary. What was I supposed to do with that degree? Did I really want to take this opportunity away from someone else who dreamed of going here when I had literally stepped into it? I called Pastor Dre to get her feedback and she said if the only thing keeping me from going to school was some paperwork then I should fill it out and see what happens.
Did I mention that this all happened three days before I was leaving to go to California? How convenient it would be to literally walk on campus to get my recommendations and transcripts without having to get them sent? God is so awesome!
This ain't Chicken Little
Everyone is running around acting like Chicken Little yelling the sky is falling. Yes the economy isn’t the greatest but mass hysteria and pessimism sure as heck isn’t going to help. I’ve started claiming that I’m not in a recession. Though everyone else is ascribing to that crap I refuse to. If we act the same way the world does when problems hit then how are we a light or an example? I choose to be in a state of gratefulness while carefully planning my next steps.
Greatest Hits
Just one question plagues me today. How can you have a greatest cd’s hit when you only have 3 cd’s? This is clearly a ploy to make money. You need longevity to do this. You need more than 3 number one hits. Come on people. Holler back about anyone who put out a greatest hit album that shouldn’t have.
Monday, August 17, 2009
Attack of the rat dog
My experience with rats in New York hasn’t been too bad. I haven’t seen any besides in the train station which makes perfect sense. That is perfectly fine with me. I was lying in bed the other night and I kept hearing something run back and forth in the apartment upstairs. I’m getting irritated because it’s two in the morning and their dog should not be running around like that so late. Now it takes a lot for me to complain about a neighbor but I was fed up. It seems like this dog gets active whenever I am ready to go to bed. I got out of bed, told Jaime I would be back and went upstairs. I knocked on the door and kindly asked them if they could keep the noise down. She apologized and said that they had a mouse they were trying to catch. I walked away a little disturbed. Disturbed because all this time I thought they had a dog and that was a mouse I was hearing and for me to mistake it for a much larger animal means it had to be large. Please catch that thing and don’t let it come anywhere near our apartment.
Thursday, August 13, 2009
Go Away!!!
At what point in the process can I stop being nice? Like at what point did Jesus’ blood boil and he turned over tables in the temple? What was his thinking pattern? Did He think about it first? I’m just saying Nasty Foot Looker isn’t getting the point. He sent me a text saying that I looked like Sandra Bullock. So what you’re telling me is I look like a 30 something white woman? Now don’t get me wrong. I love her body of work and enjoy watching her movies but I look nothing like her. Dude now you’re reaching.
Go Away Nasty Foot Looker
I think that it is true that one guy helps you get over another guy. Now I am not saying that is a particularly great way to heal but it does help. The doctor’s interest in me regardless of how real or lasting it is makes me feel better about myself. Maybe all guys aren’t the scum of the earth.
What I am learning is that anyone you come into contact with can teach you things that allow you to grow as an individual. For instance, I know that I have a control issue. I want to handle things when I want and the way that I want all the time. Interestingly enough God used my encounters with the doctor to reveal this to me in more detail.
There would be moments when we would be on the phone and it would be dead quiet. That totally irked me. I hate silence. So instead of letting it be quiet I would ask a question. Most people know that a tactic for gaining control of a conversation is to ask questions. Whoever is asking questions is in control because the other person is always answering. The minute the tables turn you have lost control of the conversation. I wasn’t intentionally using this as a means to gain control. I just couldn’t stand the silence. This is what God revealed to me.
1) Even when I spend time with the Lord I am guilty of the same thing. I can’t just be still in his presence. I have to have music on or be reading the word or be active. I never just sit in the silence and wait for Him.
2) That I need to not always try to control everything. Next time I talk to him I need to let it be silent when it’s silent. Wait for him to ask a question. It could be that it takes him longer to gather his thoughts. The conversation will flow much better if I do this.
The next time we talked I implemented this and it worked wonderfully.
Duh duh duh duh duh. Ladies and gentlemen. Boys and girls. It is time for another adventure with the nasty foot looker.
Here is how the conversation went…
“I miss you,” he says. Insert eye roll here since we never talk and I haven’t hung out with you in months.
He asks, “Can friends watch movies together?”
I reply, “Yes.”
So he asks, “Can I come over and watch movies at your house?”
“No.” I wanted to say something much worse but restrained myself.
“You don’t trust me?”
“Heck no. What have you done to warrant trust? I don’t know you and you don’t know me.”
“Do you consider us friends?”
“Uh no.”
“Well then what are we?”
“Associates.”
“That makes me feel cheap.” Sidenote: Dude are you serious? You’re a man. I need you not to be that in touch with your emotions. That makes you feel cheap? It’s not like I hung out with you and left money on the nightstand after. Hanging out with someone has a price. I don’t even want to hang out with you which means there is no price. You can’t label something with no price as cheap. Back to the story.
“I apologize if you feel that way. That was not my intention but you need to fall back. You’re making me uncomfortable.”
“I’m sorry. I feel like I’m lost in the woods trying to find the right path to your friendship.” You have got to be kidding me. What did you watch The Notebook before you called me with this? Sheesh. I think I just threw up a little bit in my mouth.
What I am learning is that anyone you come into contact with can teach you things that allow you to grow as an individual. For instance, I know that I have a control issue. I want to handle things when I want and the way that I want all the time. Interestingly enough God used my encounters with the doctor to reveal this to me in more detail.
There would be moments when we would be on the phone and it would be dead quiet. That totally irked me. I hate silence. So instead of letting it be quiet I would ask a question. Most people know that a tactic for gaining control of a conversation is to ask questions. Whoever is asking questions is in control because the other person is always answering. The minute the tables turn you have lost control of the conversation. I wasn’t intentionally using this as a means to gain control. I just couldn’t stand the silence. This is what God revealed to me.
1) Even when I spend time with the Lord I am guilty of the same thing. I can’t just be still in his presence. I have to have music on or be reading the word or be active. I never just sit in the silence and wait for Him.
2) That I need to not always try to control everything. Next time I talk to him I need to let it be silent when it’s silent. Wait for him to ask a question. It could be that it takes him longer to gather his thoughts. The conversation will flow much better if I do this.
The next time we talked I implemented this and it worked wonderfully.
Duh duh duh duh duh. Ladies and gentlemen. Boys and girls. It is time for another adventure with the nasty foot looker.
Here is how the conversation went…
“I miss you,” he says. Insert eye roll here since we never talk and I haven’t hung out with you in months.
He asks, “Can friends watch movies together?”
I reply, “Yes.”
So he asks, “Can I come over and watch movies at your house?”
“No.” I wanted to say something much worse but restrained myself.
“You don’t trust me?”
“Heck no. What have you done to warrant trust? I don’t know you and you don’t know me.”
“Do you consider us friends?”
“Uh no.”
“Well then what are we?”
“Associates.”
“That makes me feel cheap.” Sidenote: Dude are you serious? You’re a man. I need you not to be that in touch with your emotions. That makes you feel cheap? It’s not like I hung out with you and left money on the nightstand after. Hanging out with someone has a price. I don’t even want to hang out with you which means there is no price. You can’t label something with no price as cheap. Back to the story.
“I apologize if you feel that way. That was not my intention but you need to fall back. You’re making me uncomfortable.”
“I’m sorry. I feel like I’m lost in the woods trying to find the right path to your friendship.” You have got to be kidding me. What did you watch The Notebook before you called me with this? Sheesh. I think I just threw up a little bit in my mouth.
Inauguration Adventures (7 months late)
So TT is in town visiting and of course all of New York wants to act up. We walk into the subway and there is this dude laid out across several seats like this is his bedroom. To make it worse he has his shoes off neatly tucked under the seats. I just wonder what goes through people’s minds. Like do you really care that little about the fact that you’re inconveniencing anyone who would like to sit down? Now if I woke you up and asked you to scoot the heck over I bet you’d be utterly disgusted at me for disturbing your sleep. I just don’t know about people.
So we are off to DC for Inauguration and I am super excited about it. It should be fun. Even though we have no transportation, am unsure of where we will be sleeping we have nothing to fear. We have TT’s interactive map. Its color coded with a clear visual of the most comfy benches to sleep on. What she failed to mention is that she booked us on a China bus to get there. These are like low end modes of transportation. The bus drivers speak no English, your seat isn’t guaranteed and there are absolutely no amenities. I can’t be mad at her. She didn’t know.
At 7am we are on this bus still wiping boogers out of our eyes when a drunk Rastafarian whose locks smell decides to sit right behind us. Well maybe they didn’t smell but he certainly did. I mean who is drunk at 7am? I know who…an alcoholic. You don’t need to be going to Inauguration. You need to be in an AA meeting admitting that you have a problem. The worse part about people who get drunk is that alcohol on the breath stinks and when you fall asleep you snore like crazy. This man was guilty of both. You ever have those moments where you just want to lash out and punch someone in the face? That’s what I wanted to do. There are certain things that drive me nuts. The sound of Styrofoam, someone snoring and when people scratch their throat and they sound like a frog.
He snored his way through our first stop in New Jersey where people going to Philly got off. The bus driver makes an announcement, people exit and we continue on our journey. Maybe 30 minutes later this dude wakes up and realizes he isn’t in Kansas anymore. You see he was supposed to get off in Jersey. We are in like Delaware at this point.
So estupido village idiot decides it’s a smart idea to threaten and yell at the Chinese bus driver who can’t speak English and doesn’t even realize he is being insulted. He begins to demand that the bus driver pulls over immediately and let him off. That’s smart. Drop him off in the middle of nowhere and he’ll figure out how to get home. He gets the bus driver so upset that he eventually pulls over. So now he has inconvenienced the whole bus because he decided to drown his woes about his daddy leaving him at four in a bottle of whiskey. Hey guy, my dad left too but you don’t see me acting all wacky…most days. Eventually some other men go outside because he is in the bus driver’s face, they call another bus and that bus takes him to wherever he needs to go. This has already shaped up to be an interesting trip.
That’s the story of the guy sitting behind us. This doesn’t include the guy eating gross smelling food to my left or the overly friendly guy in front of us. I was nice to him because I wanted to read his newspaper. He was an older Indian guy (from India not Native American) and he seemed harmless. Too bad he decided that he wanted to hang out with us and be our tour guide once we arrived in DC. What were we supposed to do? We couldn’t say scram. We did what any mature adults would do. When we got in the subway station filled with a bazillion people we ran the other direction when he wasn’t looking hoping he didn’t see us.
It’s just amazing to even have the opportunity to be here. I wasn’t alive for the civil rights movement or the march on Washington, but I’m here for this. I’m excited that when I’m 80 I will be able to tell my grandkids I watched the first Black president be inaugurated on a jumbo screen in DC. Ha ha.
But the first order of business is to…attend a house party. It wasn’t really a party. It was a whole bunch of people chilling in the house playing cards, watching the game and laughing. One guy in particular caught my fancy. Not romantically but his persona was funny. He looked straight up white but sounded and acted like what some would characterize as black. That wasn’t even the funny part. It just added to the humor. He had this I’m so mysterious and different you can’t figure me out and that makes me eclectic and special in some sort of way persona he was attempting to exude. No. That makes you a black guy (turns out he was black) who looks white who uses that along with other things to define you as different and therefore a more rare breed. Who cares?
A few of us went to eat and of course I got sleepy. So I fell asleep on the couch. Some tried to make fun of me for that but I am known for falling asleep anywhere. When I’m tired it’s a wrap. I’ve fallen asleep at several live concerts, Denny’s, in the club, etc. That doesn’t matter. The most important thing is whether or not my mouth was open when I was sleep.
So we are off to DC for Inauguration and I am super excited about it. It should be fun. Even though we have no transportation, am unsure of where we will be sleeping we have nothing to fear. We have TT’s interactive map. Its color coded with a clear visual of the most comfy benches to sleep on. What she failed to mention is that she booked us on a China bus to get there. These are like low end modes of transportation. The bus drivers speak no English, your seat isn’t guaranteed and there are absolutely no amenities. I can’t be mad at her. She didn’t know.
At 7am we are on this bus still wiping boogers out of our eyes when a drunk Rastafarian whose locks smell decides to sit right behind us. Well maybe they didn’t smell but he certainly did. I mean who is drunk at 7am? I know who…an alcoholic. You don’t need to be going to Inauguration. You need to be in an AA meeting admitting that you have a problem. The worse part about people who get drunk is that alcohol on the breath stinks and when you fall asleep you snore like crazy. This man was guilty of both. You ever have those moments where you just want to lash out and punch someone in the face? That’s what I wanted to do. There are certain things that drive me nuts. The sound of Styrofoam, someone snoring and when people scratch their throat and they sound like a frog.
He snored his way through our first stop in New Jersey where people going to Philly got off. The bus driver makes an announcement, people exit and we continue on our journey. Maybe 30 minutes later this dude wakes up and realizes he isn’t in Kansas anymore. You see he was supposed to get off in Jersey. We are in like Delaware at this point.
So estupido village idiot decides it’s a smart idea to threaten and yell at the Chinese bus driver who can’t speak English and doesn’t even realize he is being insulted. He begins to demand that the bus driver pulls over immediately and let him off. That’s smart. Drop him off in the middle of nowhere and he’ll figure out how to get home. He gets the bus driver so upset that he eventually pulls over. So now he has inconvenienced the whole bus because he decided to drown his woes about his daddy leaving him at four in a bottle of whiskey. Hey guy, my dad left too but you don’t see me acting all wacky…most days. Eventually some other men go outside because he is in the bus driver’s face, they call another bus and that bus takes him to wherever he needs to go. This has already shaped up to be an interesting trip.
That’s the story of the guy sitting behind us. This doesn’t include the guy eating gross smelling food to my left or the overly friendly guy in front of us. I was nice to him because I wanted to read his newspaper. He was an older Indian guy (from India not Native American) and he seemed harmless. Too bad he decided that he wanted to hang out with us and be our tour guide once we arrived in DC. What were we supposed to do? We couldn’t say scram. We did what any mature adults would do. When we got in the subway station filled with a bazillion people we ran the other direction when he wasn’t looking hoping he didn’t see us.
It’s just amazing to even have the opportunity to be here. I wasn’t alive for the civil rights movement or the march on Washington, but I’m here for this. I’m excited that when I’m 80 I will be able to tell my grandkids I watched the first Black president be inaugurated on a jumbo screen in DC. Ha ha.
But the first order of business is to…attend a house party. It wasn’t really a party. It was a whole bunch of people chilling in the house playing cards, watching the game and laughing. One guy in particular caught my fancy. Not romantically but his persona was funny. He looked straight up white but sounded and acted like what some would characterize as black. That wasn’t even the funny part. It just added to the humor. He had this I’m so mysterious and different you can’t figure me out and that makes me eclectic and special in some sort of way persona he was attempting to exude. No. That makes you a black guy (turns out he was black) who looks white who uses that along with other things to define you as different and therefore a more rare breed. Who cares?
A few of us went to eat and of course I got sleepy. So I fell asleep on the couch. Some tried to make fun of me for that but I am known for falling asleep anywhere. When I’m tired it’s a wrap. I’ve fallen asleep at several live concerts, Denny’s, in the club, etc. That doesn’t matter. The most important thing is whether or not my mouth was open when I was sleep.
Begging 101
Ok so this is something I just don’t understand. If you’re going to beg for money, you should look like you don’t have any right? This woman had the nerve to come on to the subway begging for money in a fur coat. A fur coat! I’m not talking about a jacked up chinchilla coat. I am talking about a nice coat. Her hair was done and she didn’t look like she needed anything. She had the nerve to say she needed the money for her three kids. Well where are they? If you want me to give you money for some kids shouldn’t you actually have some with you? Absolutely ridiculous.
Don't You Dare Spare the Rod
One thing that irks me are bad kids. Maybe I won’t understand until I’m a mother because I know I don’t now. I know kids act out at times but they’re also very smart. They learn at a young age right and wrong. I’ve see Look Who’s Talking. Now I’m not saying babies talk to one another in a sense. Rather I am suggesting that their clarity and understanding of thing surpasses what we give them credit for. That’s why I don’t do baby talk with them. No goo goo ga ga over here. You know exactly what I am saying and probably think I look crazy leaning over you all in your face making funny noises.
Some would be led to believe that I can’t stand kids. That’s not the case. I just have a special bond with children. In a sense I am not that nurturing person. I am more of the bully older sister that you love but can’t stand. I express my love to the kids I’m closest to by picking on them and that type of stuff. But they know that I love them and know that if they ask me for anything within reason and in my ability then I will do it. I can be hard on them but their parents trust me. I have kids whose parents won’t let them go somewhere if I don’t go with them, or give me keys to their house to name a few. I especially have a heart for teenagers. They understand my off humor and we naturally click. That’s probably why I did so well as a counselor at the boy’s home I worked at.
One of the kids I have known for years sent me an email. I have watched him grow from a puny little adolescent to a respectable young man. Over the years my role was that of a big sister. I picked on him a lot and offered my opinion or advice when he asked. I was tough at times, but he needed it. I didn’t think it really affected him until I got that email. Now I won’t share it but I was in tears. He was basically thanking me for helping to shape him into the man he had become and for never giving up on him and I thought that was really cool. It let me know that the way God made me and how I deal with people is something from God and it is of value in their lives.
So I must have been still pondering this whole email when I walked into someone else’s apartment by mistake today. I got on the elevator and pressed 5. Since no one else was in the elevator with me I figured it would stop on five. So I’m totally not paying attention and the elevator opens. I get off and see my apartment door is cracked and walk in. Not until I am halfway down the hallway of the apartment do I realize I don’t live here. So how do we rectify this? Clearly at the end of the hall I see a group of Africans with their backs turned to me. So I slowly start stepping backwards until I am out of the apartment and frantically press the elevator button. How embarrassing. How did I get pass the door and realize there was no wreath or that the walls were a different color? This could’ve gone really bad. How do you explain this? “Sorry I thought this was my apartment.” Yeah and have a bunch of people chasing after me with sticks and pans. Awkward.
That’s why I say I’m a smart blonde. Now do I really think blondes are dumb? No I don’t. It’s a stereotype. Our society is built on them and rather than getting into this deep philosophical debate about it I just rather joke about them. I just really don’t care that much. Yes I like fried chicken even though I don’t eat it much and have only made it once. I love watermelon. Stereotypes that are true about me. But I also don’t care about being in water because my hair will nap up. I swim pretty decently. I do think OJ did it and so on and so forth. Anyway I feel I am knowledgeable about many things but I do the dumbest stuff and say the dumbest stuff. It’s what makes me me and I don’t care.
Some would be led to believe that I can’t stand kids. That’s not the case. I just have a special bond with children. In a sense I am not that nurturing person. I am more of the bully older sister that you love but can’t stand. I express my love to the kids I’m closest to by picking on them and that type of stuff. But they know that I love them and know that if they ask me for anything within reason and in my ability then I will do it. I can be hard on them but their parents trust me. I have kids whose parents won’t let them go somewhere if I don’t go with them, or give me keys to their house to name a few. I especially have a heart for teenagers. They understand my off humor and we naturally click. That’s probably why I did so well as a counselor at the boy’s home I worked at.
One of the kids I have known for years sent me an email. I have watched him grow from a puny little adolescent to a respectable young man. Over the years my role was that of a big sister. I picked on him a lot and offered my opinion or advice when he asked. I was tough at times, but he needed it. I didn’t think it really affected him until I got that email. Now I won’t share it but I was in tears. He was basically thanking me for helping to shape him into the man he had become and for never giving up on him and I thought that was really cool. It let me know that the way God made me and how I deal with people is something from God and it is of value in their lives.
So I must have been still pondering this whole email when I walked into someone else’s apartment by mistake today. I got on the elevator and pressed 5. Since no one else was in the elevator with me I figured it would stop on five. So I’m totally not paying attention and the elevator opens. I get off and see my apartment door is cracked and walk in. Not until I am halfway down the hallway of the apartment do I realize I don’t live here. So how do we rectify this? Clearly at the end of the hall I see a group of Africans with their backs turned to me. So I slowly start stepping backwards until I am out of the apartment and frantically press the elevator button. How embarrassing. How did I get pass the door and realize there was no wreath or that the walls were a different color? This could’ve gone really bad. How do you explain this? “Sorry I thought this was my apartment.” Yeah and have a bunch of people chasing after me with sticks and pans. Awkward.
That’s why I say I’m a smart blonde. Now do I really think blondes are dumb? No I don’t. It’s a stereotype. Our society is built on them and rather than getting into this deep philosophical debate about it I just rather joke about them. I just really don’t care that much. Yes I like fried chicken even though I don’t eat it much and have only made it once. I love watermelon. Stereotypes that are true about me. But I also don’t care about being in water because my hair will nap up. I swim pretty decently. I do think OJ did it and so on and so forth. Anyway I feel I am knowledgeable about many things but I do the dumbest stuff and say the dumbest stuff. It’s what makes me me and I don’t care.
Sunday, August 2, 2009
Delayed Growth
My mom hates New York. She hasn’t been happy since she has been here and has made the decision to move back to Georgia. The feeling for me is bittersweet. I want her to be happy but I had gotten used to seeing her everyday. I know that everything is going according to God’s plan so I will let Him work out the rest.
I broke my retainer. I’m probably the only person in America who wears her retainer faithfully and now I’ve broken it. They cost $200 to replace, but I can’t even be mad right now. I can’t be mad because God always looks out for me. You see I have a flex spending account through my job so the money was there to replace my retainer before I turned into snaggle tooth again.
At this stage in my life I feel like the Chinese bamboo tree. You see this tree when planted, watered and nurtured doesn’t grow more than in inch in its first entire growing season. The second season the tree still doesn’t sprout. This occurs for four years. In the fifth year the tree sprouts to be more than 90 feet! You see on the outside it seems like not much is changing though I am doing all that I know to be a better person, to grow spiritually, to reach my goals and dreams, etc. On the outside I look the same. But I know that my year five is coming. It’s going to look like a lot of things happened overnight but I know that it was the patience and persistence in the first four years that made it happen.
So after all that hoopla and Dr Phil moments with my father he has yet to contact me. I have to admit that it hurts me. I wanted to believe that things would be different. It’s hard because there is a certain button you can’t turn off when it comes to parents. I think deep down you always want things to go right with them and be right with them. I don’t think you ever lose that and it kind of sucks.
You know what else sucks? Healing! All I can liken it to is when you fall down and scrape your knee. As part of the healing the wound must develop a scab. It itches and you want to pick at it, but if you do that then the scab never heals. It just keeps bleeding and the process begins again. I am working so hard not to pick at my scabs. It’s easier to just mess with my scab when I know the other option is waiting for it to heal. Waiting sucks too.
I broke my retainer. I’m probably the only person in America who wears her retainer faithfully and now I’ve broken it. They cost $200 to replace, but I can’t even be mad right now. I can’t be mad because God always looks out for me. You see I have a flex spending account through my job so the money was there to replace my retainer before I turned into snaggle tooth again.
At this stage in my life I feel like the Chinese bamboo tree. You see this tree when planted, watered and nurtured doesn’t grow more than in inch in its first entire growing season. The second season the tree still doesn’t sprout. This occurs for four years. In the fifth year the tree sprouts to be more than 90 feet! You see on the outside it seems like not much is changing though I am doing all that I know to be a better person, to grow spiritually, to reach my goals and dreams, etc. On the outside I look the same. But I know that my year five is coming. It’s going to look like a lot of things happened overnight but I know that it was the patience and persistence in the first four years that made it happen.
So after all that hoopla and Dr Phil moments with my father he has yet to contact me. I have to admit that it hurts me. I wanted to believe that things would be different. It’s hard because there is a certain button you can’t turn off when it comes to parents. I think deep down you always want things to go right with them and be right with them. I don’t think you ever lose that and it kind of sucks.
You know what else sucks? Healing! All I can liken it to is when you fall down and scrape your knee. As part of the healing the wound must develop a scab. It itches and you want to pick at it, but if you do that then the scab never heals. It just keeps bleeding and the process begins again. I am working so hard not to pick at my scabs. It’s easier to just mess with my scab when I know the other option is waiting for it to heal. Waiting sucks too.
Puberty: Round 2
My face looks like a flipping science experiment. I am not quite sure what happened but I feel like an adolescent teen that is experiencing puberty. I look in the mirror and think I have the body of a 25 year old but the face of a 13 year old. I just can’t pinpoint what the heck happened. I went to the dermatologist a few weeks back and he prescribed some medication that was supposed to help. Instead it made it worse. What the heck did I give you a co-pay for if you weren’t going to fix the problem? This is ridiculous.
Ice Skating Lesson
Man I feel like the year has already started off great. I am just having fun and am determined to continue to enjoy my life.
Tonight I went ice skating in Central Park and as I skated under the clear sky I thought, “How many people get to do this?” I am living a good life. I get to experience things I never have. While the world seems a lot bigger it also seems a lot smaller. There is so much to be done and to see.
It made me remember things I only whispered to myself that God still heard. I remember thinking how cool it would be to live in New York for a year and study dance and do something new. The problem was I was never bold enough to do something like that and didn’t think it would ever happen. I also remember going on a trip to New York and staring at the Ailey studio and telling God to, “Just leave me here.” I didn’t know the implications of my words but I imagined God looked down at me, smiled and said “Done.” From then on the plan was placed in motion.
What I realized about God is that sometimes when we least expect it and we’re not looking for it, he makes our dreams come true. That the things you ask for He wants to grant. I think that is so cool.
So I am having a particularly deep moment. You know those moments when you can find something significant in every little thing. So here are some nuggets I got while skating. Some are obvious and we’ve heard but humor me.
1) When you fall, get right back up. Don’t focus on the fall.
I was ice skating and I kept seeing people fall. Some immediately got up, brushed themselves off and kept going. Others lingered down on the ground and then everyone had to skate around them as to not create a collision. Isn’t that like our walk sometimes? We mess up and then instead of just asking for forgiveness and moving forward we decide we are just going to stay down and defeated. Then we take that attitude with us everywhere we go. Sometimes we even cause others to fall which is even worse
2) Do life at your own speed
As I watched little kids skating I noticed that they skated very slowly. They took their time and they didn’t try to move faster because others were passing them by. They were focused on themselves. Wouldn’t we all be much better off if we were able to go to life at our pace and stop looking at others as a gauge and barometer for where we should be? Oh wait. We are adults we do have that choice.
3) Don’t get too cocky or you’re sure to fall
So this is the first time I have skated and not fallen. Contrary to popular belief just because I dance doesn’t mean that I am not clumsy. I am. So what I noticed is that as I started getting my groove and started feeling myself, I attempted to do extra stuff and almost fell. That’s how we act in life. We do well in our walks for a bit and think we are impenetrable and wham! That’s when we get sucker punched because we thought we were too holy for that to happen.
Ok I’ve snapped out of my deep moment and have moved on. You know what I can’t stand? A complaining party pooper. If I hadn’t said it already I have two guests staying with me. One is my friend and the other is her friend. All this heifer does is complain. She is complaining about the fact that it’s cold. You came to New York in the dead of winter what the heck did you expect? Did you not check the weather forecast before you left? Then she didn’t want to skate because she fell when she was 8 and doesn’t want to relive that terrible experience. Are you serious? Do I sympathize or clown because you’re almost 40 letting something that happened 30 years ago hinder your fun now? It’s not like you were skating on a half frozen pond and fell through and almost drowned and someone saved you at the last moment. You just fell. I remember at one point telling Jaime, “She got one more time to complain and I’m going to punch her in the face.” So we dropped her off at the apartment and went to the movies. You are not going to ruin my vacation because you’re being a loser.
Whenever someone emulates a behavior I don’t care for I take a minute to reflect. I have heard that the things you don’t like in others are often a reflection of what you detest in yourself. So I thought about whether I complained. I realized that for the first few months that I was here all I did was complain. I hated everything about New York because it wasn’t California. I got over that when I accepted that though New York is different than California it still had a lot of things to offer. I also apologized to Jaime for having to put up with me during that time.
Tonight I went ice skating in Central Park and as I skated under the clear sky I thought, “How many people get to do this?” I am living a good life. I get to experience things I never have. While the world seems a lot bigger it also seems a lot smaller. There is so much to be done and to see.
It made me remember things I only whispered to myself that God still heard. I remember thinking how cool it would be to live in New York for a year and study dance and do something new. The problem was I was never bold enough to do something like that and didn’t think it would ever happen. I also remember going on a trip to New York and staring at the Ailey studio and telling God to, “Just leave me here.” I didn’t know the implications of my words but I imagined God looked down at me, smiled and said “Done.” From then on the plan was placed in motion.
What I realized about God is that sometimes when we least expect it and we’re not looking for it, he makes our dreams come true. That the things you ask for He wants to grant. I think that is so cool.
So I am having a particularly deep moment. You know those moments when you can find something significant in every little thing. So here are some nuggets I got while skating. Some are obvious and we’ve heard but humor me.
1) When you fall, get right back up. Don’t focus on the fall.
I was ice skating and I kept seeing people fall. Some immediately got up, brushed themselves off and kept going. Others lingered down on the ground and then everyone had to skate around them as to not create a collision. Isn’t that like our walk sometimes? We mess up and then instead of just asking for forgiveness and moving forward we decide we are just going to stay down and defeated. Then we take that attitude with us everywhere we go. Sometimes we even cause others to fall which is even worse
2) Do life at your own speed
As I watched little kids skating I noticed that they skated very slowly. They took their time and they didn’t try to move faster because others were passing them by. They were focused on themselves. Wouldn’t we all be much better off if we were able to go to life at our pace and stop looking at others as a gauge and barometer for where we should be? Oh wait. We are adults we do have that choice.
3) Don’t get too cocky or you’re sure to fall
So this is the first time I have skated and not fallen. Contrary to popular belief just because I dance doesn’t mean that I am not clumsy. I am. So what I noticed is that as I started getting my groove and started feeling myself, I attempted to do extra stuff and almost fell. That’s how we act in life. We do well in our walks for a bit and think we are impenetrable and wham! That’s when we get sucker punched because we thought we were too holy for that to happen.
Ok I’ve snapped out of my deep moment and have moved on. You know what I can’t stand? A complaining party pooper. If I hadn’t said it already I have two guests staying with me. One is my friend and the other is her friend. All this heifer does is complain. She is complaining about the fact that it’s cold. You came to New York in the dead of winter what the heck did you expect? Did you not check the weather forecast before you left? Then she didn’t want to skate because she fell when she was 8 and doesn’t want to relive that terrible experience. Are you serious? Do I sympathize or clown because you’re almost 40 letting something that happened 30 years ago hinder your fun now? It’s not like you were skating on a half frozen pond and fell through and almost drowned and someone saved you at the last moment. You just fell. I remember at one point telling Jaime, “She got one more time to complain and I’m going to punch her in the face.” So we dropped her off at the apartment and went to the movies. You are not going to ruin my vacation because you’re being a loser.
Whenever someone emulates a behavior I don’t care for I take a minute to reflect. I have heard that the things you don’t like in others are often a reflection of what you detest in yourself. So I thought about whether I complained. I realized that for the first few months that I was here all I did was complain. I hated everything about New York because it wasn’t California. I got over that when I accepted that though New York is different than California it still had a lot of things to offer. I also apologized to Jaime for having to put up with me during that time.
Sunday, July 26, 2009
A New York Christmas Eve
I don’t know how Jesus was so forgiving. Did he ever hold a grudge? I have been frustrated at a friend who I recently loaned money to. Now I understand the principal of not lending money that you can’t afford to get back. I just wasn’t pleased with how they handled the situation and not giving it back when they said they would. So I have decided I won’t loan anymore money to people. I have to just give it away or I will always be irritated. You also have to know people. If the person has a bad track record with money and paying people back then why should you expect they will do different by you? Because you’re friends? Yeah right. That’s like the girl who dates a guy who was a cheater in the past and thinks they are the different girl. Boo yeah right. You are not different.
Don’t you hate it when you have an ailment and the day you go to the doctor it mysteriously disappears only to reappear after you leave? That’s what happened to me. I have guests visiting so now no crackheads want to beg, all the homeless people checked into shelters and no African music is playing on my block. It inspired me to write a poem.
Twas the night before New Years, when all through the house
Don’t you hate it when you have an ailment and the day you go to the doctor it mysteriously disappears only to reappear after you leave? That’s what happened to me. I have guests visiting so now no crackheads want to beg, all the homeless people checked into shelters and no African music is playing on my block. It inspired me to write a poem.
Twas the night before New Years, when all through the house
Not a creature was stirring, not even Roger the mouse.
The stockings were hung by the fire escape with care,
The stockings were hung by the fire escape with care,
In hopes that St Nick the pimp would soon be there.
Jaime and Dez were nestled all snug in their beds,
While visions of seeing real trees danced in their heads.
And mamma in her scarf, and I in my cap,
And mamma in her scarf, and I in my cap,
Had just settled our brains for a long winter’s nap.
When out on the street there arose such a clatter,
I sprang from the bed to see what was the matter.
Away to the window I flew in a rush,
Tore open the curtains (wait we don’t have curtains) and blew off the dust.
The moon on the breast of the new-fallen snow
Gave the luster of mid-day to objects below.
When, what to my wondering eyes should appear,
But a miniature crackhead with a bottle of beer.
With a little old driver, so lively and quick,
I knew in a moment it must be St Nick the pimp.
More rapid than pigeons his coursers they came,
And he whistled, and shouted, and called them by name!
"Now Crackhead! now, Rat! Now, cross dresser and Vixen!
On, black girl! On, Spanish girl! drunkard put on your mittens!
To the top of the roof! To the top of the wall!
Now dash away! Dash away! Dash away all!"
As dry leaves that before the wild wind fly,
When they meet with an obstacle, mount to the sky.
So up to the roof-top the coursers they flew,
With the sleigh full of bootlegs, and a pimp named Nick too.
And then, in a twinkling, I heard on the roof
The prancing and pawing of each little hoof.
As I drew in my head, and was turning around,
Down the fire escape Nick came with a bound.
This negro was dressed in all fur, from his head to his foot,
And his clothes were all tarnished with ashes and dirt.
A bundle of bootlegs he had flung on his back,
And he looked like a peddler, just opening his pack.
His eyes-so glossed over! His dimples how merry!
His teeth were like butter, his lips like a blackberry!
His droll soup cooler lips were drawn up like a bow,
And the beard of his chin was as white as the snow.
The stump of a pipe he held tight in his teeth,
And the smoke it encircled his head like a wreath.
He had a broad face and a big beer belly,
That shook when he laughed, like a bowlful of jelly!
He was chubby and plump, with a butt big as mine,
And I laughed when I saw him, until he pulled out his nine!
A wink of his eye and a twist of his head,
Soon gave me to know I had nothing to dread.
He spoke not a word, but went straight to his work,
And stole all the stockings, then turned with a jerk.
And laying his finger aside of his nose,
And giving a nod, up the fire escape he rose!
He sprang to the subway station, to his team gave a whistle,
And away they all ran like the down of a thistle.
But I heard him exclaim, ‘ere he drove out of sight,
"Happy New years to all you suckers, and to all a good-night!"
Sunday, July 19, 2009
Death to Ikea instructions
Has anyone ever bought anything from Ikea? While I love Ikea there are too many darn pieces to the furniture. On top of that the directions consist of pictures only but that makes it way too easy to invert a piece or mess up and have to start over. It took me three hours to put a nightstand together and I was pissed. If you ever look at those instructions they show the people smiling as they put together the pieces. Why are they smiling? There is nothing fun or amusing about this. In fact when I have kids I am going to make them put together Ikea furniture as a form of punishment right after I make them watch The Passion of the Christ. Between those two things I will have the most well behaved children ever birthed.
Jesus is better than us all
I’d have to think that Jesus being the son of God and all had to have been very clean. With that being said I wonder how often he washed his hands. He was human so that means he was susceptible to diseases just like us. Did the disciples ever get sick? I mean He was healing leprosy and all sorts of stuff and it’s not like they had hand sanitizer.
I ask because today I helped a homeless man in the wheelchair across the street. He decided he wanted to thank me by kissing my hand. I have to admit I was a little disgusted. I mean I am not really a fan of strangers touching me nor kissing my hand. In that moment I thought of Jesus and how he is a much better person than I will ever be. Duh!!!
I ask because today I helped a homeless man in the wheelchair across the street. He decided he wanted to thank me by kissing my hand. I have to admit I was a little disgusted. I mean I am not really a fan of strangers touching me nor kissing my hand. In that moment I thought of Jesus and how he is a much better person than I will ever be. Duh!!!
The World is Coming to an End
I think the world may officially be coming to an end. I was in the grocery store and there was a set of those 25 cent machines. The contents of one were Bling Teeth. Great now every kid in America can put fake bling in their mouth and emulate Lil Wayne. What’s next? Maybe they should sell miniature fake Grey Goose bottles and bikinis. Then the little girls on the playground could wear them and the boys could poor the bottle over their head. Whatever happened to pogs or just playing with rocks?
Death by Pigeon
A pigeon almost killed me today. He was literally flying at eye level. He saw me walking but instead of flying around me he kept coming. It was like he stared intently in my eyes and said, “Move nigga!” He darn near ran into my face and I had to step to the left to avoid being attacked. These New York birds are no joke.
Having health insurance is a blessing. It truly is so I don’t want to sound like I’m complaining. I have great insurance and my thinking is that it should afford me some options that would otherwise not be available to me. Namely, my doctor’s office shouldn’t be or resemble a free clinic. Am I downing free clinics? Of course not! If I didn’t have insurance that’s where I would be too. But I do have insurance. I was searching for a doctor’s office close to home and found one not too far from me. When I got there do you think it was a doctor’s office? No it was a free clinic.
Now how do you know the difference? Oh that’s easy. The first would be the big clear bowl with condoms sitting on the counter with a free please take one sign. If you can get a pap smear, open heart surgery, a physical and give birth all in the same building it’s a free clinic. If more than two doctors share the office and on any given day you could see someone else, it’s a free clinic. Now all of this isn’t bad but I have insurance. I knew I should have just found a doctor in a white area.
Well at least I got to see Ailey for free. That made it worth it.
Having health insurance is a blessing. It truly is so I don’t want to sound like I’m complaining. I have great insurance and my thinking is that it should afford me some options that would otherwise not be available to me. Namely, my doctor’s office shouldn’t be or resemble a free clinic. Am I downing free clinics? Of course not! If I didn’t have insurance that’s where I would be too. But I do have insurance. I was searching for a doctor’s office close to home and found one not too far from me. When I got there do you think it was a doctor’s office? No it was a free clinic.
Now how do you know the difference? Oh that’s easy. The first would be the big clear bowl with condoms sitting on the counter with a free please take one sign. If you can get a pap smear, open heart surgery, a physical and give birth all in the same building it’s a free clinic. If more than two doctors share the office and on any given day you could see someone else, it’s a free clinic. Now all of this isn’t bad but I have insurance. I knew I should have just found a doctor in a white area.
Well at least I got to see Ailey for free. That made it worth it.
Snow, Snow, Snow
Let me tell you something. Snow aint nothing but soft white rain. That’s it. It seems all nice and pretty, but your hair naps up the same as it does in rain. Me being a Cali girl I didn’t understand why everyone had umbrellas out. I thought, “Hey idiots! It’s snow, not rain!” Now I totally understand. Bottom line. Snow should only be allowed in black and white movies and in snow globes
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)
