Sunday, December 28, 2008
Oct 29
I usually send out emails to let people know that I have updated my blog. I don’t send it to everyone, because everyone doesn’t care. I accidently sent an email to my dad. I didn’t realize that until after he sent me an email regarding it. I never would’ve expected him to respond or give me a compliment. I don’t know if it means anything. I don’t know if it means we will begin to form a relationship. It may mean nothing at all, but whatever God wants to do I am willing to let him do.
Tues Oct 28: I will be a Multi-Millionaire
We don’t always believe that our words carry that much meaning, but they do. I have no doubt in my mind that I will be a multi-millionaire and be able to further the kingdom of God. This thought has stayed with me more and more as I read things to edify me. I read the word which is filled with promises but I am referring to other books. I probably go through a new book every other week. I am reading on personal development, growth, spiritual growth, finances; whatever I can get my hands on. It has expanded my mindset and vision. I have also tried to change the music that I listen to. I have put scriptures and goals up at my office on my wall at home so that they are always in sight. This is important. If I want to reach certain goals I have to see myself there first. Moving on…
Every single day I have dressed up to work. We have business casual attire and that’s fine with me. After 3 ½ years of wearing sweatpants to work it’s kind of nice to dress up. There are some days when I would just like to relax and wear jeans, but I don’t. What I realize is that business casual means different things to different people. I see some of these people come in jeans every day. Finally I asked if we were allowed to wear jeans and was told yes. This is great. Because I literally only wash once a month and when my clothes get dirty I can just wear jeans. Sounds good to me.
Some of the women at my job asked me to join them for pizza so I did. It was really nice to get to know people on a personal basis. It was just a breath of fresh air. I don’t get as much interaction with people as I would like sometimes so it’s nice. They have this little knitting club that gets together bi-weekly and they invited me to come. Now I have never knit but I thought it might be cool. I learn a new craft and it opens up my mind a little more. I always imagined that only elderly retired white women with lots of cats knitted ugly holiday sweaters for their relatives that hate them, but that isn’t the case.
Anyone want to take a guess on how many umbrellas I will go through during the Fall/Winter season? It gets so windy and you have to have a heavy duty umbrella if you want to survive here. I say I’ll go through two.
I had an audition today. I haven’t been auditioning much because I really want to focus on becoming a better dancer for me. But if it’s something really interesting or I know the person holding the audition I go to not ruin that relationship for the future. This was actually something I wouldn’t mind doing. Remember a while back when I went to that boxing match at Coney Island. Well while there I had met the organizer for the Golden Gloves boxing matches. She was going to start having dancers perform at the matches between bouts. At the time I didn’t realize that one of the girls I went with was the choreographer for this. The choreographer was a friend of the dancer I met while doing the tribute to Willie Ninja that I almost quit. You get the correlation?
Anyway they called me to audition and I did. I was so nervous. So nervous. I really felt that I was going to book this but I felt I had a horrible audition so I will just have to wait and see what happens.
After the audition I decided to find a nice place to just breathe. It’s hard to find a place in New York not crowded with people. I was really close to Brooklyn Bridge and underneath there was a park that was attached to what looked like a small beach. It looked so peaceful so I just went and sat and thought for a bit. Away from the noise I just wanted to feel God’s presence and know that he was with me. I felt that. It was so nice to just sit and as the water rustled I felt calmed. Like I knew that though my life seems a mess and I don’t feel him close that if I can just find a place of quiet rest he is there. Right now I have to fight for that. Almost recreate it. I don’t have the luxury of just closing my door and finding that unless no one is home. I share my room. I am not complaining. Just have to fight to find those times with God. I guess we all do.
So as if New York isn’t scary enough why did I get a text that the bloods are doing initiations this week and targeting women to rape? Thanks. That makes me feel so settled and at peace when I am walking home at 10:00 at night. I actually feel pretty safe in New York. Nothing like it’s portrayed on TV. What does bother me is I can’t spot out the gang members. They are incognegro. No rags, colors, etc. These guys are probably walking around in business suits.
I have begun to get these terrible migraines. I can’t pinpoint when or how they come but they are constantly there. I always seem to have one and it’s the strangest thing. I have begun to look for reasons why they come and when they appear. Like when I got the text about the audition, I got nervous and anxious and then a migraine came. I think its emotion related. Like if I feel stressed or nervous or upset I get a migraine. This has never happened to me before but now they are always there. It’s like becoming comfortable living in dysfunction which I refuse to do. I am going to go to the doctor to see what the deal is and continue to pray for healing.
Every single day I have dressed up to work. We have business casual attire and that’s fine with me. After 3 ½ years of wearing sweatpants to work it’s kind of nice to dress up. There are some days when I would just like to relax and wear jeans, but I don’t. What I realize is that business casual means different things to different people. I see some of these people come in jeans every day. Finally I asked if we were allowed to wear jeans and was told yes. This is great. Because I literally only wash once a month and when my clothes get dirty I can just wear jeans. Sounds good to me.
Some of the women at my job asked me to join them for pizza so I did. It was really nice to get to know people on a personal basis. It was just a breath of fresh air. I don’t get as much interaction with people as I would like sometimes so it’s nice. They have this little knitting club that gets together bi-weekly and they invited me to come. Now I have never knit but I thought it might be cool. I learn a new craft and it opens up my mind a little more. I always imagined that only elderly retired white women with lots of cats knitted ugly holiday sweaters for their relatives that hate them, but that isn’t the case.
Anyone want to take a guess on how many umbrellas I will go through during the Fall/Winter season? It gets so windy and you have to have a heavy duty umbrella if you want to survive here. I say I’ll go through two.
I had an audition today. I haven’t been auditioning much because I really want to focus on becoming a better dancer for me. But if it’s something really interesting or I know the person holding the audition I go to not ruin that relationship for the future. This was actually something I wouldn’t mind doing. Remember a while back when I went to that boxing match at Coney Island. Well while there I had met the organizer for the Golden Gloves boxing matches. She was going to start having dancers perform at the matches between bouts. At the time I didn’t realize that one of the girls I went with was the choreographer for this. The choreographer was a friend of the dancer I met while doing the tribute to Willie Ninja that I almost quit. You get the correlation?
Anyway they called me to audition and I did. I was so nervous. So nervous. I really felt that I was going to book this but I felt I had a horrible audition so I will just have to wait and see what happens.
After the audition I decided to find a nice place to just breathe. It’s hard to find a place in New York not crowded with people. I was really close to Brooklyn Bridge and underneath there was a park that was attached to what looked like a small beach. It looked so peaceful so I just went and sat and thought for a bit. Away from the noise I just wanted to feel God’s presence and know that he was with me. I felt that. It was so nice to just sit and as the water rustled I felt calmed. Like I knew that though my life seems a mess and I don’t feel him close that if I can just find a place of quiet rest he is there. Right now I have to fight for that. Almost recreate it. I don’t have the luxury of just closing my door and finding that unless no one is home. I share my room. I am not complaining. Just have to fight to find those times with God. I guess we all do.
So as if New York isn’t scary enough why did I get a text that the bloods are doing initiations this week and targeting women to rape? Thanks. That makes me feel so settled and at peace when I am walking home at 10:00 at night. I actually feel pretty safe in New York. Nothing like it’s portrayed on TV. What does bother me is I can’t spot out the gang members. They are incognegro. No rags, colors, etc. These guys are probably walking around in business suits.
I have begun to get these terrible migraines. I can’t pinpoint when or how they come but they are constantly there. I always seem to have one and it’s the strangest thing. I have begun to look for reasons why they come and when they appear. Like when I got the text about the audition, I got nervous and anxious and then a migraine came. I think its emotion related. Like if I feel stressed or nervous or upset I get a migraine. This has never happened to me before but now they are always there. It’s like becoming comfortable living in dysfunction which I refuse to do. I am going to go to the doctor to see what the deal is and continue to pray for healing.
Oct 23
Dude this guy at my job looks just like Orville Redenbacher. Yeah that’s it.
Speaking of work, why is your first day back from vacation always crazy? You would’ve thought I had been gone for weeks. I wanted to stick lots of sharp objects in my eyes today. That’s what type of day it was. Six more months. I am claiming that in six months I will no longer have to work for anyone but myself. So when it happens you were my witness that I spoke it in faith!
Irony is a tricky thing. Or maybe it’s not irony but the enemy. It’s like as soon as you say you are past something or aren’t going to do something there are all types of forces trying to hold you back. It’s like the day you decide you want to fast is the day your job provides lunch for the whole company. It’s a test to see if you have really mastered the thing you claimed you have. It makes sense. There is no way to see if you’re really over something until you come face to face with it and react differently then you did in the past.
I am proud to say I am completely healed. I got tested and passed and it feels great. Some know what I’m speaking of others don’t. It doesn’t matter either way. It just feels good to pass the test you had failed over and over. I’m thinking 2009 will be my good year. It’s not like I had a bad year. I was just so sure that this year would be the year that my life would change. It did, just not in the way I suspected. I got my heart broken, moved to New York, lost some friends, gained some friends. It has been a really hard year for me, but when I look back I think it will be one of the most important years of my life. I don’t know. I’ll let you know when I’m 80.
Speaking of work, why is your first day back from vacation always crazy? You would’ve thought I had been gone for weeks. I wanted to stick lots of sharp objects in my eyes today. That’s what type of day it was. Six more months. I am claiming that in six months I will no longer have to work for anyone but myself. So when it happens you were my witness that I spoke it in faith!
Irony is a tricky thing. Or maybe it’s not irony but the enemy. It’s like as soon as you say you are past something or aren’t going to do something there are all types of forces trying to hold you back. It’s like the day you decide you want to fast is the day your job provides lunch for the whole company. It’s a test to see if you have really mastered the thing you claimed you have. It makes sense. There is no way to see if you’re really over something until you come face to face with it and react differently then you did in the past.
I am proud to say I am completely healed. I got tested and passed and it feels great. Some know what I’m speaking of others don’t. It doesn’t matter either way. It just feels good to pass the test you had failed over and over. I’m thinking 2009 will be my good year. It’s not like I had a bad year. I was just so sure that this year would be the year that my life would change. It did, just not in the way I suspected. I got my heart broken, moved to New York, lost some friends, gained some friends. It has been a really hard year for me, but when I look back I think it will be one of the most important years of my life. I don’t know. I’ll let you know when I’m 80.
Oct 21: Height Does Matter
A smurf tried to hit on me today. Ok. He wasn’t exactly a smurf but just way too short for me. I do give men props. A lot of men I know don’t care about dating women taller than them. I mean look at Tom Cruise. It doesn’t bother him. Can any man out there elucidate on this subject? That’s my word of the day. It was in a book I am reading. Look it up.
Conversely, I know most women have a problem dating someone shorter than them. I’m not going to lie that it is a little uncomfortable to me. I don’t want to wear heels and tower over my date. I don’t know if that’s considered shallow but at least I am being honest. That is something that God would have to work on me with. I would hate to eliminate someone solely based on height or some other outward feature, but height is a hard one.
Live from New York is the Blonde moment of the day…So everyone understands I’ve never been in snow right? Wait. I have gone to Lake Tahoe or Big Bear, but walking around in snow during winter. No. So, if I am walking around and white stuff is falling from the sky of course I would assume its snow right? I mean who wouldn’t. But let’s just say that instead of it being snow it was really dandelions. Then you would officially have the blonde moment of the day. In my defense I really did think it was snowing and it wasn’t like it was just falling in one section of the city. It was everywhere. And they didn’t look like dandelions. Whatever. Stop looking at the computer screen like that. Go read a book or something.
Conversely, I know most women have a problem dating someone shorter than them. I’m not going to lie that it is a little uncomfortable to me. I don’t want to wear heels and tower over my date. I don’t know if that’s considered shallow but at least I am being honest. That is something that God would have to work on me with. I would hate to eliminate someone solely based on height or some other outward feature, but height is a hard one.
Live from New York is the Blonde moment of the day…So everyone understands I’ve never been in snow right? Wait. I have gone to Lake Tahoe or Big Bear, but walking around in snow during winter. No. So, if I am walking around and white stuff is falling from the sky of course I would assume its snow right? I mean who wouldn’t. But let’s just say that instead of it being snow it was really dandelions. Then you would officially have the blonde moment of the day. In my defense I really did think it was snowing and it wasn’t like it was just falling in one section of the city. It was everywhere. And they didn’t look like dandelions. Whatever. Stop looking at the computer screen like that. Go read a book or something.
Monday Oct 20 (part 2): The Return of the Nasty Foot Looker
As I walk around and see the overwhelming amount of Obama supporters one thought came to my mind. I wonder how many of these negros are registered to vote and of the ones who are registered how many will go out and vote. Here is my thought. If you’re not going to actually exercise your right to vote, don’t wear a button. It’s almost hypocritical. Now I’m not talking about people who can’t vote, but those who can and choose not to. Just my thought.
So since I wrote about my crazy incidents with D.A.N.’s I haven’t gone out or hung out with any guys since. I really don’t plan on it either. Most of them have faded out of the picture except one. The nasty foot looker. Like I said he is a cool guy. I don’t mind being cool with him, but he just needs a constant reminder that I don’t like him. At first I felt bad because I am almost mean, but it’s annoying. How do you decide you like someone you don’t even know? We hung out once. We don’t talk on the phone. Every now and then we may text, but it’s very superficial. How does all that amount to liking someone? Or maybe it’s just me. It takes more than that for me to like someone and I can’t expect him to do things the same way I do them.
Anyway today he got on my nerves. We were talking about saving money and he makes some comment about maybe we could put our money together and buy a house. So I asked him why he making the assumption that I would need his help in securing a house. I went on to say that I would not be living with any man before marriage and since he was neither my husband nor a relative that we would not be doing anything together. You know what this bozo said? “You could be my wife in a few years. Only time will tell.” No it won’t tell. I don’t like you. I never have I never will. This is not up for discussion. He went on to say that everyone needs a little help. So I told him that was true. That I trusted that whoever God brings into my life to help me will be revealed and he would be a Godly man. He had nothing to say after that.
So since I wrote about my crazy incidents with D.A.N.’s I haven’t gone out or hung out with any guys since. I really don’t plan on it either. Most of them have faded out of the picture except one. The nasty foot looker. Like I said he is a cool guy. I don’t mind being cool with him, but he just needs a constant reminder that I don’t like him. At first I felt bad because I am almost mean, but it’s annoying. How do you decide you like someone you don’t even know? We hung out once. We don’t talk on the phone. Every now and then we may text, but it’s very superficial. How does all that amount to liking someone? Or maybe it’s just me. It takes more than that for me to like someone and I can’t expect him to do things the same way I do them.
Anyway today he got on my nerves. We were talking about saving money and he makes some comment about maybe we could put our money together and buy a house. So I asked him why he making the assumption that I would need his help in securing a house. I went on to say that I would not be living with any man before marriage and since he was neither my husband nor a relative that we would not be doing anything together. You know what this bozo said? “You could be my wife in a few years. Only time will tell.” No it won’t tell. I don’t like you. I never have I never will. This is not up for discussion. He went on to say that everyone needs a little help. So I told him that was true. That I trusted that whoever God brings into my life to help me will be revealed and he would be a Godly man. He had nothing to say after that.
Mon Oct 20: healing
Do you remember ever hurting yourself as a kid? Maybe falling of the bike and immediately beginning to cry. Then you looked up to see if anyone was looking and when you realized no one was you stopped crying. It really didn’t hurt enough to illicit tears in the first place. You thought it hurt. It was like a knee jerk reaction. This is how I feel the healing process can be sometimes.
Someone may do something to you that really hurts you. In the beginning, you cried or handled it however was necessary to get through. As time passed, whenever that sore spot was mentioned, like that child you begin to react as you did because it became habit, not because it hurt anymore. I experienced that.
I got some news over the weekend that I thought upset me. So I did what I had done naturally which was cry. But as the tears fell and I thought about it I realized there was no need to cry. I was healed and didn’t really care as much. I almost fell for the trick that I had not yet healed. But I had. Though not fully, I no longer cry when I fall of the bike.
On another note, it was so nice to wake up and hear certain sounds. Birds chirping, trees rustling and the Granada Hills Band playing. I miss those sounds. I had grown accustomed to hearing horns blaring, the boy crying in the building across from me and whatever other random noises I may hear.
The biggest joy of being in California was seeing my girls Sydney and Lauryn. I didn’t realize how much I missed them or how important they were to me. When they saw me their faces lit up and Lauryn just cried. They were huge crocodile tears which made me cry. But looking at them I knew that if no one else in the world loved me, they did. That I didn’t have to be perfect or get everything right. They loved me because I was Dez.
This trip was a breath of fresh air. I took for granted many of the things I had until I didn’t have them anymore. Things like a good hairstylist, places to get a good manicure/pedicure, a good church, good friends, clean streets, etc. It made me miss all of these things. It also made me desire more clarity on why I was in New York and to do the things required to get back to California. That’s where I believe I belong. So as I wait in the airport to return to New York, I reflect on all of this.
Now I am at the airport hours before I am scheduled to depart because I am waiting for _______. That’s how we will refer to him. Tonee calls him Mr. Big, but I hate that name and am not a Sex in the City fan so I can’t make the correlation quite as good as some others. I will give a brief synopsis of who he is and I will probably never mention him again. Just know he is probably there lurking somewhere in the background.
I met Mr. ______ in college back in 2002. We had a gym class together and I thought he was good looking but we never spoke. He stood out because he always had two cell phones on his hip. I thought, “What kind of loser has two cell phones on his hip in gym class?” You know where my mind went to….drug dealer. What is my issue that I think everyone sells drugs? Gosh! Anyway he was always talking to this one girl in class and so I made another assumption…he likes white girls. I was wrong on both accounts. We didn’t talk until halfway through the semester and subsequently began some weird on/off dating thing for the next 3 1/2years. Then we didn’t talk for two years and recently got back in touch with each other. That’s all I will say on him, besides I think he is a great guy, there is a lot I am learning from him and we will always be friends. Unless he does something dumb. Ha ha. Just kidding. Kind of.
Anyway, today I thought would be that qualifier because I was sure that Mr. ____ was going to lose his life. I had gotten to the airport at 2:30, checked in thinking he was going to be there between 2:30 and 3pm. This even left him room if he was a little tardy. 2:30 passed. 3:00, 3:30 and even 4:00pm. I had called but he hadn’t answered. I was infuriated, because in my mind he was late. On top of that he hadn’t picked up the phone until 4:15 to let me know he would be there soon. I wanted to strangle him and had a huge attitude. Especially because I had limited time in California and could’ve been somewhere else or arrived to the airport later. When he arrived I was beyond angry and he was all smiles. I couldn’t believe it. This is the importance of reading and why it’s fundamental. After I had my say he pointed out that he never said 2:30. When I went back through my text he was right. It was on me. He had just come in from a family vacation and had said the earliest he would be there was 2:30 and he would let me know. Oh let me make sure I’m clear. His family meaning his mom, cousins, grandma, etc. not wife and kids. Yeah I don’t do that. Just so we’re clear. Yeah don’t ever skim stuff guys ok? Enough about Mr. ______.
Someone may do something to you that really hurts you. In the beginning, you cried or handled it however was necessary to get through. As time passed, whenever that sore spot was mentioned, like that child you begin to react as you did because it became habit, not because it hurt anymore. I experienced that.
I got some news over the weekend that I thought upset me. So I did what I had done naturally which was cry. But as the tears fell and I thought about it I realized there was no need to cry. I was healed and didn’t really care as much. I almost fell for the trick that I had not yet healed. But I had. Though not fully, I no longer cry when I fall of the bike.
On another note, it was so nice to wake up and hear certain sounds. Birds chirping, trees rustling and the Granada Hills Band playing. I miss those sounds. I had grown accustomed to hearing horns blaring, the boy crying in the building across from me and whatever other random noises I may hear.
The biggest joy of being in California was seeing my girls Sydney and Lauryn. I didn’t realize how much I missed them or how important they were to me. When they saw me their faces lit up and Lauryn just cried. They were huge crocodile tears which made me cry. But looking at them I knew that if no one else in the world loved me, they did. That I didn’t have to be perfect or get everything right. They loved me because I was Dez.
This trip was a breath of fresh air. I took for granted many of the things I had until I didn’t have them anymore. Things like a good hairstylist, places to get a good manicure/pedicure, a good church, good friends, clean streets, etc. It made me miss all of these things. It also made me desire more clarity on why I was in New York and to do the things required to get back to California. That’s where I believe I belong. So as I wait in the airport to return to New York, I reflect on all of this.
Now I am at the airport hours before I am scheduled to depart because I am waiting for _______. That’s how we will refer to him. Tonee calls him Mr. Big, but I hate that name and am not a Sex in the City fan so I can’t make the correlation quite as good as some others. I will give a brief synopsis of who he is and I will probably never mention him again. Just know he is probably there lurking somewhere in the background.
I met Mr. ______ in college back in 2002. We had a gym class together and I thought he was good looking but we never spoke. He stood out because he always had two cell phones on his hip. I thought, “What kind of loser has two cell phones on his hip in gym class?” You know where my mind went to….drug dealer. What is my issue that I think everyone sells drugs? Gosh! Anyway he was always talking to this one girl in class and so I made another assumption…he likes white girls. I was wrong on both accounts. We didn’t talk until halfway through the semester and subsequently began some weird on/off dating thing for the next 3 1/2years. Then we didn’t talk for two years and recently got back in touch with each other. That’s all I will say on him, besides I think he is a great guy, there is a lot I am learning from him and we will always be friends. Unless he does something dumb. Ha ha. Just kidding. Kind of.
Anyway, today I thought would be that qualifier because I was sure that Mr. ____ was going to lose his life. I had gotten to the airport at 2:30, checked in thinking he was going to be there between 2:30 and 3pm. This even left him room if he was a little tardy. 2:30 passed. 3:00, 3:30 and even 4:00pm. I had called but he hadn’t answered. I was infuriated, because in my mind he was late. On top of that he hadn’t picked up the phone until 4:15 to let me know he would be there soon. I wanted to strangle him and had a huge attitude. Especially because I had limited time in California and could’ve been somewhere else or arrived to the airport later. When he arrived I was beyond angry and he was all smiles. I couldn’t believe it. This is the importance of reading and why it’s fundamental. After I had my say he pointed out that he never said 2:30. When I went back through my text he was right. It was on me. He had just come in from a family vacation and had said the earliest he would be there was 2:30 and he would let me know. Oh let me make sure I’m clear. His family meaning his mom, cousins, grandma, etc. not wife and kids. Yeah I don’t do that. Just so we’re clear. Yeah don’t ever skim stuff guys ok? Enough about Mr. ______.
Sun Oct 19 (pictures included): Homecoming
I love my friends. Without a shadow of a doubt they have no shame in being goofy and having fun. I am sure that at age 80 we will still be running around doing things that amuse us only and no one else.
Today was no different. Rhasaan’s Homecoming Birthday Party was a lot of fun. It was nice to be able to see all my friends in one place at one time. See the pictures below but if I had to choose winners based on costumes it would go as follows. 3rd Place: London Tyson and Alicia Green in their rendition of Mi Vida Loca. 2nd Place: Lawrence Franklin as Steve Urkel. He played the part so so well. 1st Place: Devon as Chester the Molester track coach. You can always count on Devon to outdo himself. 0 Place (this is above 1st place): Austin, Devon and Lawrence as Men on Film. Two snaps and a circle gentlemen!
Today was no different. Rhasaan’s Homecoming Birthday Party was a lot of fun. It was nice to be able to see all my friends in one place at one time. See the pictures below but if I had to choose winners based on costumes it would go as follows. 3rd Place: London Tyson and Alicia Green in their rendition of Mi Vida Loca. 2nd Place: Lawrence Franklin as Steve Urkel. He played the part so so well. 1st Place: Devon as Chester the Molester track coach. You can always count on Devon to outdo himself. 0 Place (this is above 1st place): Austin, Devon and Lawrence as Men on Film. Two snaps and a circle gentlemen!
Fri Oct 17
I’m going going back back to Cali Cali. I cannot wait. I am so homesick. I am going to have the best time ever! Nothing can ruin this for me!
Ok so remember when I said nothing could ruin this. I lied. My plane ride was horrible. They sat me behind flippin Shrek the Ogre. He didn’t look like Shrek maybe more like Paul Bunyan. He was just huge and he was wearing overalls! He looked as if he was ready to chop down a tree on the spot. He was big in stature, and girth and I had the privilege of sitting behind him and his wife. She spoke little English and must have thought the whole plane was deaf because she yelled and clearly had no inside voice. She spilled some sort of liquid, he began to yell and tell her to shut up. A baby started to cry but that didn’t ever bother me. Did I mention he used the bathroom no less than five times during the flight? That shouldn’t matter except that he used the seats to anchor him when he got up which means he literally squished me. It was bad.
But who cares? I’ll be in California soon! Will it really matter that I lost the feelings in my legs because he squished me?
Ok so remember when I said nothing could ruin this. I lied. My plane ride was horrible. They sat me behind flippin Shrek the Ogre. He didn’t look like Shrek maybe more like Paul Bunyan. He was just huge and he was wearing overalls! He looked as if he was ready to chop down a tree on the spot. He was big in stature, and girth and I had the privilege of sitting behind him and his wife. She spoke little English and must have thought the whole plane was deaf because she yelled and clearly had no inside voice. She spilled some sort of liquid, he began to yell and tell her to shut up. A baby started to cry but that didn’t ever bother me. Did I mention he used the bathroom no less than five times during the flight? That shouldn’t matter except that he used the seats to anchor him when he got up which means he literally squished me. It was bad.
But who cares? I’ll be in California soon! Will it really matter that I lost the feelings in my legs because he squished me?
Thursday, December 18, 2008
Sun Oct 12 The Game
It’s ok to watch sports on television but nothing is more exciting than watching it live. I have had quite a few interactions with going to games, but today’s was the most fun and interesting.
One of my brother’s best friends plays for the Cincinnati Bengals so I got free tickets to go. Since my mother was out of town I went with my Godmother. So this is an instant replay of that day with fun easy tips in case you attend a football game in the near future. Though by the time I actually post this Super Bowl will probably have come and gone.
Tip #1: If you plan to attend sports events on a regular basis buy a parking pass. Because we didn’t have a Jets pass and refused to support scalping we had to park all the way across America. Not only that but it cost $25 to park miles and miles away from the stadium.
Tip #2: Be prepared to walk. I felt like Moses and the Israelites leaving Egypt. Because we had to park so far away we ended up taking a school bus to get close to the stadium. I hadn’t been on a yellow school bus since my Sophomore Year of High School. Then we had to take a shuttle that left us in the middle of nowhere and still had to walk a far distance to get to the stadium. “Moses, did you bring us out here to die? You should’ve left us in Egypt!” Yeah that’s how I felt. Plus it was burning up hot.
Tip #3: Bring comfortable shoes. I know that the Israelites’ shoes didn’t wear out for 40 years but I doubt Steve Madden has that same shoe warranty. If you are expecting to snag a football player and trick him into marriage put your cute shoes in a bag and wear sneakers. They can’t see your feet while the game is happening, plus there is a bunch of nasty stuff you could step in.
Tip #4: Know where you are going. Stadiums have more than one entrance. So though we had VIP passes we walked to the regular entrance just to get told we had to go somewhere else. Explain to me why the VIP entrance is further away than the regular entrance. How does that make sense?
Tip #5: Hold on to all of your personal belongings and don’t put anything in your pocket. I thought putting my Godmother’s debit card in my pocket was wise so that no one would try to take it. But it fell out of my pocket and an integral stranger flagged me down and gave it back. That was only God because someone else may have stolen it.
Tip #6: wear sneakers. I know I mentioned this but it’s worth mentioning again. I ate a chili cheese dog and had on flip flops. I spilled chili in between my toes and it was hard to clean out.
Tip#7: Don’t anger the fans of the home team. All of the friends and family of the Bengels sat in the same area, surrounded by Jets fans. People take sports very seriously and don’t like losing. I made sure to sit very still and not even breathe. Maybe no one would notice me. Sidenote: Being that the Bengals were 0-7 it’s going to be really awkward to see ____________ if they lose. What do I say? Hi, sorry you lost. Plus who wants to be bothered with friends and family when they just lost their 8th game? Awkward.
Tip #8: Unless you’re buff keep your shirt on. Why is it that the skinniest dude and the guy with the biggest gut want to paint their bodies and go shirtless? How come a model or some hot guy doesn’t do that?
Tip #9: If you don’t like football find other things to entertain you. Football is cool but there were a lot of other interesting things going on. For instance, the one Jets dancer who was consistently a count behind. She was just off. I figured that maybe it was because she had so much hair and it just slowed her down. Or grown men throwing paper airplanes. I saw tons of paper airplanes flying around and hitting people. At first I thought it was children engaging in such mischief. Nope. Grown men. They ripped up the programs and started aiming at people’s heads.
Tip #10: When around football wives and girlfriends introduce yourself immediately. Dealing with athletes wives is a different type of monster. For one, they talk so bad about women and complain. How come the Jets wives get a dressing room and we don’t? How come they can bring their strollers in but we can’t? How come we have to pay for our own hotel? Maybe because you’re not an athlete. They try to figure out who the new women in VIP are. They try to figure out if that is a new girlfriend or maybe their husband’s girlfriend. Some of these women talk so so bad about women. All I could think is that some of them were those girls at one point. The girl in a particular city and just happened to snag him or get pregnant first. So who are they to judge? By the way, the rings are huge. The biggest rings I have ever seen in my life. So do you understand why I introduced myself? No one was going to be rude to me because they thought I was sleeping with one of the players. It was an awkward situation. I don’t get people sometimes.
One of my brother’s best friends plays for the Cincinnati Bengals so I got free tickets to go. Since my mother was out of town I went with my Godmother. So this is an instant replay of that day with fun easy tips in case you attend a football game in the near future. Though by the time I actually post this Super Bowl will probably have come and gone.
Tip #1: If you plan to attend sports events on a regular basis buy a parking pass. Because we didn’t have a Jets pass and refused to support scalping we had to park all the way across America. Not only that but it cost $25 to park miles and miles away from the stadium.
Tip #2: Be prepared to walk. I felt like Moses and the Israelites leaving Egypt. Because we had to park so far away we ended up taking a school bus to get close to the stadium. I hadn’t been on a yellow school bus since my Sophomore Year of High School. Then we had to take a shuttle that left us in the middle of nowhere and still had to walk a far distance to get to the stadium. “Moses, did you bring us out here to die? You should’ve left us in Egypt!” Yeah that’s how I felt. Plus it was burning up hot.
Tip #3: Bring comfortable shoes. I know that the Israelites’ shoes didn’t wear out for 40 years but I doubt Steve Madden has that same shoe warranty. If you are expecting to snag a football player and trick him into marriage put your cute shoes in a bag and wear sneakers. They can’t see your feet while the game is happening, plus there is a bunch of nasty stuff you could step in.
Tip #4: Know where you are going. Stadiums have more than one entrance. So though we had VIP passes we walked to the regular entrance just to get told we had to go somewhere else. Explain to me why the VIP entrance is further away than the regular entrance. How does that make sense?
Tip #5: Hold on to all of your personal belongings and don’t put anything in your pocket. I thought putting my Godmother’s debit card in my pocket was wise so that no one would try to take it. But it fell out of my pocket and an integral stranger flagged me down and gave it back. That was only God because someone else may have stolen it.
Tip #6: wear sneakers. I know I mentioned this but it’s worth mentioning again. I ate a chili cheese dog and had on flip flops. I spilled chili in between my toes and it was hard to clean out.
Tip#7: Don’t anger the fans of the home team. All of the friends and family of the Bengels sat in the same area, surrounded by Jets fans. People take sports very seriously and don’t like losing. I made sure to sit very still and not even breathe. Maybe no one would notice me. Sidenote: Being that the Bengals were 0-7 it’s going to be really awkward to see ____________ if they lose. What do I say? Hi, sorry you lost. Plus who wants to be bothered with friends and family when they just lost their 8th game? Awkward.
Tip #8: Unless you’re buff keep your shirt on. Why is it that the skinniest dude and the guy with the biggest gut want to paint their bodies and go shirtless? How come a model or some hot guy doesn’t do that?
Tip #9: If you don’t like football find other things to entertain you. Football is cool but there were a lot of other interesting things going on. For instance, the one Jets dancer who was consistently a count behind. She was just off. I figured that maybe it was because she had so much hair and it just slowed her down. Or grown men throwing paper airplanes. I saw tons of paper airplanes flying around and hitting people. At first I thought it was children engaging in such mischief. Nope. Grown men. They ripped up the programs and started aiming at people’s heads.
Tip #10: When around football wives and girlfriends introduce yourself immediately. Dealing with athletes wives is a different type of monster. For one, they talk so bad about women and complain. How come the Jets wives get a dressing room and we don’t? How come they can bring their strollers in but we can’t? How come we have to pay for our own hotel? Maybe because you’re not an athlete. They try to figure out who the new women in VIP are. They try to figure out if that is a new girlfriend or maybe their husband’s girlfriend. Some of these women talk so so bad about women. All I could think is that some of them were those girls at one point. The girl in a particular city and just happened to snag him or get pregnant first. So who are they to judge? By the way, the rings are huge. The biggest rings I have ever seen in my life. So do you understand why I introduced myself? No one was going to be rude to me because they thought I was sleeping with one of the players. It was an awkward situation. I don’t get people sometimes.
Friday Oct 10. The Best Things in Life Aren't Free
I am convinced that no matter what the quality of something is if it’s free people will take it. For instance, my job was giving away a ton of eyeglass cleaner. I noticed it when I went into the cafeteria. Later on I went back and they were all gone. But most of the people here don’t even wear glasses. They also give out two newspapers free daily in New York. The only problem is that it is the most unbalanced and biased trash I have read. Maybe I am more keenly aware because I am a journalism major but unless it is an Op-Ed piece your opinion should not be anywhere in the article. Yet is one of the most widely distributed papers because it’s free. Free dog food? Sure. I’ll take three cans. Who cares if I don’t have a dog. Maybe I’ll get really hungry one day and need a snack. Just because it’s free doesn’t mean we have to take it.
My mom got me the coolest gift. Barbie came out with an Alvin Ailey Doll to celebrate its 50th anniversary and she bought it for me. Most people don’t know that I actually collect Barbie Dolls. Laugh and I’ll choke you. For years now I get a Black Holiday Barbie every Christmas from my mom. Sure she has skipped a few years, but that’s ok. We can get those on Ebay.
At different points in this migration across the US I have related to different characters in the Bible. Right now I feel particularly similar to Abraham. When God told him to leave to go to a new land I’m sure he didn’t want to, but he did. Abraham was very wealthy so leaving all that behind had to be hard. When he left he didn’t know that what he would step into would be so much better and it didn’t manifest itself right away. That’s how I am feeling right at the moment.
I always have these ethical dilemmas so maybe you can help me out. Tell me if this is stealing. I went to Goodwill at lunch today with the wolf. I was looking for some more blazers and such for when I meet with clients. When I get to the register the manager says $20. Now I know that the stuff I had in my hand came to more than $20. Now is this a blessing or stealing? Let me know!
What is really cool about New York is getting to actually experience seasons. It’s not always just hot. I’m a nature girl so fall is my favorite season but it kind of gets glazed over in California. The three trees that I actually see in New York are beautiful. Though I am not looking forward to winter and snow at least I will experience a real winter once in my lifetime.
My mom got me the coolest gift. Barbie came out with an Alvin Ailey Doll to celebrate its 50th anniversary and she bought it for me. Most people don’t know that I actually collect Barbie Dolls. Laugh and I’ll choke you. For years now I get a Black Holiday Barbie every Christmas from my mom. Sure she has skipped a few years, but that’s ok. We can get those on Ebay.
At different points in this migration across the US I have related to different characters in the Bible. Right now I feel particularly similar to Abraham. When God told him to leave to go to a new land I’m sure he didn’t want to, but he did. Abraham was very wealthy so leaving all that behind had to be hard. When he left he didn’t know that what he would step into would be so much better and it didn’t manifest itself right away. That’s how I am feeling right at the moment.
I always have these ethical dilemmas so maybe you can help me out. Tell me if this is stealing. I went to Goodwill at lunch today with the wolf. I was looking for some more blazers and such for when I meet with clients. When I get to the register the manager says $20. Now I know that the stuff I had in my hand came to more than $20. Now is this a blessing or stealing? Let me know!
What is really cool about New York is getting to actually experience seasons. It’s not always just hot. I’m a nature girl so fall is my favorite season but it kind of gets glazed over in California. The three trees that I actually see in New York are beautiful. Though I am not looking forward to winter and snow at least I will experience a real winter once in my lifetime.
Oct 6 Ohio
“If you’re going to live in the hood you need a hood friend” – Mom.
Those were words my mom uttered to me one day. At first I looked at her like she was crazy, but then realized that she was right. Now I didn’t live in the hood per se, but there were parts of my area that were hoodish. Yet, I don’t feel uncomfortable walking down the street. I don’t worry that something is going to happen to me. I feel very safe. I see familiar faces on my block whether they are the deli owner who refers to me as smiley girl or the homeless man who has literally built a house out of boxes on my street.
One of those familiar faces is Ohio. Note: His name has been changed to protect his identity. Ha ha. My mom refers to him as Lil Wayne because he in fact looks like Lil Wayne. From the locks to the gold teeth. We met because everyday walking home I would see him and his friends outside. Everyday he would ask me for my number and everyday I would respectfully decline. He would say he would try again tomorrow and he always did. It became a joke. I expected to see him and him me. He was a very nice guy though I believed he could be involved in some things that weren’t exactly above board. We never talked about this. One day I was going to get pizza from my pizza guy and he was walking and we talked. He had an interesting story. That’s what I love about New York. Being exposed to so many different types of people makes you more tolerant and less judgmental. It allows you to be a witness. I have met so many interesting people. Ohio and I were cool. I felt safe knowing that if anyone messed with me he would be the hood friend that had my back.
Those were words my mom uttered to me one day. At first I looked at her like she was crazy, but then realized that she was right. Now I didn’t live in the hood per se, but there were parts of my area that were hoodish. Yet, I don’t feel uncomfortable walking down the street. I don’t worry that something is going to happen to me. I feel very safe. I see familiar faces on my block whether they are the deli owner who refers to me as smiley girl or the homeless man who has literally built a house out of boxes on my street.
One of those familiar faces is Ohio. Note: His name has been changed to protect his identity. Ha ha. My mom refers to him as Lil Wayne because he in fact looks like Lil Wayne. From the locks to the gold teeth. We met because everyday walking home I would see him and his friends outside. Everyday he would ask me for my number and everyday I would respectfully decline. He would say he would try again tomorrow and he always did. It became a joke. I expected to see him and him me. He was a very nice guy though I believed he could be involved in some things that weren’t exactly above board. We never talked about this. One day I was going to get pizza from my pizza guy and he was walking and we talked. He had an interesting story. That’s what I love about New York. Being exposed to so many different types of people makes you more tolerant and less judgmental. It allows you to be a witness. I have met so many interesting people. Ohio and I were cool. I felt safe knowing that if anyone messed with me he would be the hood friend that had my back.
Oct 3: Breaking News...Tights are not Pants!
If you want people to know that you are not a New Yorker you must boldly do the things that no one else is doing. For me that was wearing shorts and a short sleeved top to work in the fall. Let me clarify. They were more on the side of Capri business like pants and my top was professional enough for casual Friday. But as I walked down the street and entered the subway I began to feel like maybe it wasn’t the best thing to do. Everybody had on jackets and scarves and here comes this dummy in shorts. I just wasn’t cold. You would think that because I’m a California girl I would be colder than everybody else, but I wasn’t. My body hasn’t adjusted to seasons yet. I know it’s fall and winter is coming but I am so not used to layering. Like I really have to go out and buy winter clothes. And tights. I flippin hate tights. They’re like thick stockings which I hate even more. They make me itch and my legs break out in hives. Maybe I could just move to California for the winter. That’s a thought.
Speaking of tights did I mention that I hate them. I always hated them, but even more so now that they’ve become a fashion trend. I mean seriously. They are not flattering on everyone. Newsflash any imperfection you have still shows. If you have cottage cheese and rolls, the tights don’t mask them. Good thing I got that cottage cheese and dimple reduction surgery before I moved here or I would be in trouble. Ok I’m joking. About the surgery. Come on every woman has either a roll, some cheese or stretch marks. Anyway the reason why I bring this up is because tights are just that. Tights. They are not pants. They are meant to be worn under pants, skirts, etc not as a replacement. I hate it when girls wear a shirt and put tights on and think their outfit is complete. Really? That’s tacky. I was in the subway and this girl of a lighter persuasion decided that she was going to wear a shirt and tights. What made it worse was the tights were see through and you could see the entire shape of her butt. It looked gross. I know I am going to see this a lot more here because it actually gets cold here and people wear tights to stay warm not just because it’s a fad.
Speaking of tights did I mention that I hate them. I always hated them, but even more so now that they’ve become a fashion trend. I mean seriously. They are not flattering on everyone. Newsflash any imperfection you have still shows. If you have cottage cheese and rolls, the tights don’t mask them. Good thing I got that cottage cheese and dimple reduction surgery before I moved here or I would be in trouble. Ok I’m joking. About the surgery. Come on every woman has either a roll, some cheese or stretch marks. Anyway the reason why I bring this up is because tights are just that. Tights. They are not pants. They are meant to be worn under pants, skirts, etc not as a replacement. I hate it when girls wear a shirt and put tights on and think their outfit is complete. Really? That’s tacky. I was in the subway and this girl of a lighter persuasion decided that she was going to wear a shirt and tights. What made it worse was the tights were see through and you could see the entire shape of her butt. It looked gross. I know I am going to see this a lot more here because it actually gets cold here and people wear tights to stay warm not just because it’s a fad.
Oct 2: The Power of Knowledge
Knowledge: the circumstance or condition of apprehending truth or fact through reasoning.
Knowledge is something that I think many of us are missing. Most days we meander around never realizing how little we actually know. The only way that ignorance seems to rear its ugly head is when a situation presents itself that forces you to acknowledge what you know or you don’t know. What is even worse is that instead of doing the things we know to do to get the correct answers we rely on what we think we know and in turn disseminate that inaccuracy to others. I have seen this played out more and more in recent weeks because of one thing…the economy.
Now I am in no way a financial guru. But I know what I know and what I don’t know. If I have a question I have no problem asking or researching the answer out. That’s just me. I love to read so I find that subway rides have given me ample time to read up on a lot of subjects.
So I was at the hair salon and I heard the lady doing my hair tell someone on the phone to take all their money out the banks and put it underneath the bed. She was yelling banks weren’t reliable. Riddle me this. What makes underneath your bed any more reliable? What if your dog chewed up all your money? Or your house caught on fire. Your money would be gone. I can understand why she was saying that, but after talking to her the reason she said such things is because she had no knowledge of what was going on. She had gone into panic mode without understanding what she was panicking about. It just brought me back to II Timothy 2:15 that says study to show thyself approved. I think of Daniel who was so wise because he read. It was just a reminder that I need to soak up as much knowledge as I can.
Speaking of hair salons, why does it seem that if I go into a black salon I will be in there no less than three hours? Why must clients be stacked up in such a way that everyone waits forever? It’s enough to make you run around with your hair nappy.
Can any mature man respond to this blog and explain to me why you don’t take no for an answer? Why if you say no it must mean that you have to wait it out? Does it ever occur to the person who continually asks that it may begin to look like begging? Help me out.
Here was my dumb moment of the day. At my job we use Windows Live to IM each other because we are all too lazy to just get up and hold conversations with one another. So somehow I accidently changed my settings to Spanish. So everything reads in Spanish and I can’t change it back because I only understand some of the words. ?Puedes Ayudar?
Knowledge is something that I think many of us are missing. Most days we meander around never realizing how little we actually know. The only way that ignorance seems to rear its ugly head is when a situation presents itself that forces you to acknowledge what you know or you don’t know. What is even worse is that instead of doing the things we know to do to get the correct answers we rely on what we think we know and in turn disseminate that inaccuracy to others. I have seen this played out more and more in recent weeks because of one thing…the economy.
Now I am in no way a financial guru. But I know what I know and what I don’t know. If I have a question I have no problem asking or researching the answer out. That’s just me. I love to read so I find that subway rides have given me ample time to read up on a lot of subjects.
So I was at the hair salon and I heard the lady doing my hair tell someone on the phone to take all their money out the banks and put it underneath the bed. She was yelling banks weren’t reliable. Riddle me this. What makes underneath your bed any more reliable? What if your dog chewed up all your money? Or your house caught on fire. Your money would be gone. I can understand why she was saying that, but after talking to her the reason she said such things is because she had no knowledge of what was going on. She had gone into panic mode without understanding what she was panicking about. It just brought me back to II Timothy 2:15 that says study to show thyself approved. I think of Daniel who was so wise because he read. It was just a reminder that I need to soak up as much knowledge as I can.
Speaking of hair salons, why does it seem that if I go into a black salon I will be in there no less than three hours? Why must clients be stacked up in such a way that everyone waits forever? It’s enough to make you run around with your hair nappy.
Can any mature man respond to this blog and explain to me why you don’t take no for an answer? Why if you say no it must mean that you have to wait it out? Does it ever occur to the person who continually asks that it may begin to look like begging? Help me out.
Here was my dumb moment of the day. At my job we use Windows Live to IM each other because we are all too lazy to just get up and hold conversations with one another. So somehow I accidently changed my settings to Spanish. So everything reads in Spanish and I can’t change it back because I only understand some of the words. ?Puedes Ayudar?
Oct 1: The Silent Enemy
Every office environment is different. Different people, work cultures, etc. But there always seems to be one thing that is prevalent in any workplace. It is a thing of sneaky sorts and spreads like a cancer. Gossip. All you have to do is look around or stay quiet long enough and you see it all around. People whispering and talking behind someone’s back. You can determine that you will not partake and are above this, but believe me the opportunity will always present itself.
There is always a ringleader. Someone who is a wolf in sheep’s clothing. They come to you as if they are friendly and just getting to know you, but really they are just collecting more ammo.
I met this wolf today. She was very very nice and cunning. I had written that I had a Mean Girls experience so I was already a little skeptical. Nevertheless, this older black woman comes into my cubicle and introduces herself. So we are chit chatting but right away I can see that I will have to keep her at bay. She has been in the company for a long time which meant she had a wealth of information good and bad. I wanted no parts in that.
Two things struck me. One that she would claim through and through that she loved the Lord yet blow her witness so easy. I don’t doubt she loves the Lord at all. It just showed me how I needed to conduct myself because I never wanted anyone to tune me out regarding the Lord because they heard me talking about someone. If I was going to spend 7 hours a day at a place, I wanted to make sure I could be a witness. While she talked I asked God to help me be an example to her and to not get caught up in her messiness.
I get on the elevator to leave work and there is this group of women in there. They all looked like oompa loompas. Not in girth or characteristics, but in stature. They were all short. So I walk in the elevator and I am literally one to two heads taller than all these women. I just smile. They begin to speak in Spanish. Now I am not fluent in Spanish but I understand it and knew that these women were talking about me.
Did they just call me a gordita? No that’s not a real word. That’s an item at Taco Bell. They said gordo which means fat. So I turned around and said, “Are you talking about me? Did you just call me big?” They were shocked and then begin laughing. They went on to explain that I was very tall, which I knew. They should’ve used alto or another word besides fat. I explained it was mis zapatos and they laughed harder. I laughed too but it confirmed one thing for me. When I go to get my manicures and pedicures I know they are talking about me when they start speaking in another language.
So, I knew Spanish enough to understand the women in the elevator, but not enough for the next person I was to encounter. His name was Jose Luis. Seriously. He was trying to ask me out and get my number. I couldn’t really understand him nor could he understand me. I didn’t get for the life of me how he thought we would go on a date when we couldn’t even hold a conversation. It did put the idea back in the forefront of me becoming fluent in Spanish which I am determined to do.
Want to more what’s more awkward than that. Going out with someone a friend suggested you hang out with only to find out mid through that they have a girlfriend. Yes that happened. It wasn’t a date. At all. I mean my friend was literally like you guys are both new to New York and great people. You should hang out and see if you could be friends.
I guess that is fine but I feel like it crosses boundaries a little bit. Now if I already knew him then he got a girlfriend that would be different. But new guy friends that have girlfriends. Something about it seems disrespectful. Maybe I’m being overly cautious but I rather do that then be accused of anything else. Don’t get me wrong he was a nice guy but his girlfriend lives in another state, blah blah blah. I am really just trying to learn to head off situations that could be potential problems. No more drama for 2008.
There is always a ringleader. Someone who is a wolf in sheep’s clothing. They come to you as if they are friendly and just getting to know you, but really they are just collecting more ammo.
I met this wolf today. She was very very nice and cunning. I had written that I had a Mean Girls experience so I was already a little skeptical. Nevertheless, this older black woman comes into my cubicle and introduces herself. So we are chit chatting but right away I can see that I will have to keep her at bay. She has been in the company for a long time which meant she had a wealth of information good and bad. I wanted no parts in that.
Two things struck me. One that she would claim through and through that she loved the Lord yet blow her witness so easy. I don’t doubt she loves the Lord at all. It just showed me how I needed to conduct myself because I never wanted anyone to tune me out regarding the Lord because they heard me talking about someone. If I was going to spend 7 hours a day at a place, I wanted to make sure I could be a witness. While she talked I asked God to help me be an example to her and to not get caught up in her messiness.
I get on the elevator to leave work and there is this group of women in there. They all looked like oompa loompas. Not in girth or characteristics, but in stature. They were all short. So I walk in the elevator and I am literally one to two heads taller than all these women. I just smile. They begin to speak in Spanish. Now I am not fluent in Spanish but I understand it and knew that these women were talking about me.
Did they just call me a gordita? No that’s not a real word. That’s an item at Taco Bell. They said gordo which means fat. So I turned around and said, “Are you talking about me? Did you just call me big?” They were shocked and then begin laughing. They went on to explain that I was very tall, which I knew. They should’ve used alto or another word besides fat. I explained it was mis zapatos and they laughed harder. I laughed too but it confirmed one thing for me. When I go to get my manicures and pedicures I know they are talking about me when they start speaking in another language.
So, I knew Spanish enough to understand the women in the elevator, but not enough for the next person I was to encounter. His name was Jose Luis. Seriously. He was trying to ask me out and get my number. I couldn’t really understand him nor could he understand me. I didn’t get for the life of me how he thought we would go on a date when we couldn’t even hold a conversation. It did put the idea back in the forefront of me becoming fluent in Spanish which I am determined to do.
Want to more what’s more awkward than that. Going out with someone a friend suggested you hang out with only to find out mid through that they have a girlfriend. Yes that happened. It wasn’t a date. At all. I mean my friend was literally like you guys are both new to New York and great people. You should hang out and see if you could be friends.
I guess that is fine but I feel like it crosses boundaries a little bit. Now if I already knew him then he got a girlfriend that would be different. But new guy friends that have girlfriends. Something about it seems disrespectful. Maybe I’m being overly cautious but I rather do that then be accused of anything else. Don’t get me wrong he was a nice guy but his girlfriend lives in another state, blah blah blah. I am really just trying to learn to head off situations that could be potential problems. No more drama for 2008.
Sept 30 New Beginnings
One of my favorite books of the Bible is Job. I love that though so many perils presented themselves Job did not waver. Even more so I love the underlying message I feel God gave to us. That he never allows things to be taken away from us without returning something. It may not come in the form or person we expected or ever wanted, but he is still faithful. In Job 42:12 it says that, “God blessed the latter part of Job’s life more than the first.” Wow. Today I feel I got a glimpse of that.
At a very young age, I lost my father. No not because he passed away, but because he was human. I can’t speak for him, but in my opinion he either didn’t know how to be a father or didn’t want to be one. Sure I have an email address and if I needed to get a hold of him I could, but he is practically a stranger to me. I have reached out to him several times, have worked hard to forgive him and yet I still have no father (in a sense). Now is this my fault? No. There was nothing I could’ve done to change the decisions he made. But as I mentioned before he never takes away anything that he doesn’t return.
One of the reasons I felt God had moved me to New York was to reconcile with my father and I was open to that. Not because I care about a relationship with him but because I want to be obedient to God and do whatever it takes to free me. As of yet, that reconciliation doesn’t seem as if it is going to happen.
Then I got a call. It was from my Godfather. I actually have two sets of Godparents but hadn’t really formed any real bonds. I hadn’t spoken or seen my Godfather in over ten years. We had lost contact.
Randomly he happened to walk into the store my brother manages. For some reason my brother kept staring at him and he looked familiar. It is still strange to me that he would even recognize him. Eventually they talked and put together the pieces. My Godfather got my number and called me. We began to talk and he told me that he felt a pressing from God to be a father figure in my life. Not to replace my father but to be someone that I could go to. It was bittersweet. Sweet because this man desired to fill a hole in my life and I wasn’t his daughter. He wasn’t asking me for anything or trying to con me. He just wanted to be there for me. Bitter because I couldn’t understand how a man who wasn’t my father could have a stronger desire to be a part of my life than my actual father did. How after all these years he picked up the phone and apologized to me for getting out of touch when I will probably never hear an apology uttered out of my father’s lips. Now I’m not bashing my dad. I’m not angry at him and have forgiven him. It is awkward because I don’t know exactly how to form this relationship. How to open up. I have no clue, but it’s ok. I just thought it really cool that after all these years I would have a chance to have a father.
P.S. This doesn’t dismiss or downplay anybody who has been a positive role model in my life. Pastor Chuck, I thank you for what you showed me about how a father should love his daughters. I’m sorry I wasn’t at a place to be closer to you and talk to you more. I just didn’t know how. It was and is foreign territory for me. Still it doesn’t take away from how much I love you and appreciate all you have done for me.
At a very young age, I lost my father. No not because he passed away, but because he was human. I can’t speak for him, but in my opinion he either didn’t know how to be a father or didn’t want to be one. Sure I have an email address and if I needed to get a hold of him I could, but he is practically a stranger to me. I have reached out to him several times, have worked hard to forgive him and yet I still have no father (in a sense). Now is this my fault? No. There was nothing I could’ve done to change the decisions he made. But as I mentioned before he never takes away anything that he doesn’t return.
One of the reasons I felt God had moved me to New York was to reconcile with my father and I was open to that. Not because I care about a relationship with him but because I want to be obedient to God and do whatever it takes to free me. As of yet, that reconciliation doesn’t seem as if it is going to happen.
Then I got a call. It was from my Godfather. I actually have two sets of Godparents but hadn’t really formed any real bonds. I hadn’t spoken or seen my Godfather in over ten years. We had lost contact.
Randomly he happened to walk into the store my brother manages. For some reason my brother kept staring at him and he looked familiar. It is still strange to me that he would even recognize him. Eventually they talked and put together the pieces. My Godfather got my number and called me. We began to talk and he told me that he felt a pressing from God to be a father figure in my life. Not to replace my father but to be someone that I could go to. It was bittersweet. Sweet because this man desired to fill a hole in my life and I wasn’t his daughter. He wasn’t asking me for anything or trying to con me. He just wanted to be there for me. Bitter because I couldn’t understand how a man who wasn’t my father could have a stronger desire to be a part of my life than my actual father did. How after all these years he picked up the phone and apologized to me for getting out of touch when I will probably never hear an apology uttered out of my father’s lips. Now I’m not bashing my dad. I’m not angry at him and have forgiven him. It is awkward because I don’t know exactly how to form this relationship. How to open up. I have no clue, but it’s ok. I just thought it really cool that after all these years I would have a chance to have a father.
P.S. This doesn’t dismiss or downplay anybody who has been a positive role model in my life. Pastor Chuck, I thank you for what you showed me about how a father should love his daughters. I’m sorry I wasn’t at a place to be closer to you and talk to you more. I just didn’t know how. It was and is foreign territory for me. Still it doesn’t take away from how much I love you and appreciate all you have done for me.
Sept 29: My first day
How come your first day of anything never works out quite like you plan? It seems that regardless of the preparation you put in it still begins to unravel. That’s how my first day of work began. I don’t have to be at work until 9am, but I was up at 6am for prayer. I was out of the house by 8am so that I had ample time to get to work. One stop from my exit the train decides to stop running which left me twenty minutes behind. I try to stay calm and relax but in my mind I’m thinking it will be really bad if I am late my first day. Using the excuse of train trouble is like using the excuse of traffic in LA. Though true, there will always train trouble or traffic issues. Everyone knows that and you have to factor that into your travel time.
So I exit the train and hop onto the next train. Did I mention that it was the wrong train? Yeah how ignorant is that?
I finally get to work but have to check in as a visitor because it’s my first day. And every foreign exchange student in America is in the visitor’s line. I can’t figure out why but I am assuming somewhere in this massive building is some type of office for them.
I finally get to my office and am greeted by the woman who will be training me. She shows me to my cubicle. Two things made me so excited. First, were all the PostIts I had in my drawer. I love PostIts. I was in PostIt heaven. It wasn’t just the yellow ones. There were pink ,green etc and I was so excited. I know it sounds crazy but I love them!
The second thing was that I had a cubicle. I’ve never had a cubicle. I could decorate it and it would be my own space. This may seem silly but right now I have no space carved out on this planet that belongs only to me. To some a cubicle is like a big sign screaming welcome to mediocrity but for me it’s a step in the right direction. Its proof God’s got me (it’s the salary I asked for) and I know I’m where I should be for now.
Things were going seemingly well until it was lunchtime. Has anyone seen Mean Girls? Great great movie. Well I stepped straight into a scene of that movie. I walked into the cafeteria perky and excited to meet co-workers. When I spoke I was met with smirks and unconcerned looks. It was as if they were saying why should we care who you are? I felt really uncomfortable. What was even more alarming was this was the first interaction I had with my black co-workers. Why was it necessary to be rude? I had the sudden urge to eat in the bathroom like Lindsay Lohan but that’s gross so I just ate in my cubicle.
Later in the day I had to use the bathroom, but I had to wait until someone was available to take me because you need a key card for the bathroom. I felt like the third graders who have to go to the bathroom in twos. I’m a big girl now just let me borrow your card and pee. On the way to the bathroom (finally), I had to stop to meet one of my bosses. So there I am standing there being introduced and all I can do is hope I don’t pee on myself. I just squeeze my thighs together and smile.
I think I am finally going to get to go to the bathroom, but then my trainer says I may as well wait because we are about to go get my key cards then I can go. You have got to be kidding me. It was like the longest walk ever to get those stupid key cards. Sidenote: The building where I had to get my keycard had a crazy looking receptionist. Ok. She wasn’t crazy looking but receptionists have to be well put together. I know this from experience. It is the first impression anyone gets when they walk into your company. With that said they should be presentable, dress nice and have their hair combed. This receptionist in particular decided that she was going to take the day off from doing her hair and have an attitude. Back to my day…
Finally I got to go the bathroom. I wish someone would have told me that you can get into the bathroom without a key card. It was getting out that was the problem. I couldn’t understand for the life of me why you needed a key card to leave the bathroom. What did they think I was gonna do take the toilet paper hostage? I later found out it was a shared bathroom between many companies and this ensured no one walked into another company and stole stuff. Whatever.
So I exit the train and hop onto the next train. Did I mention that it was the wrong train? Yeah how ignorant is that?
I finally get to work but have to check in as a visitor because it’s my first day. And every foreign exchange student in America is in the visitor’s line. I can’t figure out why but I am assuming somewhere in this massive building is some type of office for them.
I finally get to my office and am greeted by the woman who will be training me. She shows me to my cubicle. Two things made me so excited. First, were all the PostIts I had in my drawer. I love PostIts. I was in PostIt heaven. It wasn’t just the yellow ones. There were pink ,green etc and I was so excited. I know it sounds crazy but I love them!
The second thing was that I had a cubicle. I’ve never had a cubicle. I could decorate it and it would be my own space. This may seem silly but right now I have no space carved out on this planet that belongs only to me. To some a cubicle is like a big sign screaming welcome to mediocrity but for me it’s a step in the right direction. Its proof God’s got me (it’s the salary I asked for) and I know I’m where I should be for now.
Things were going seemingly well until it was lunchtime. Has anyone seen Mean Girls? Great great movie. Well I stepped straight into a scene of that movie. I walked into the cafeteria perky and excited to meet co-workers. When I spoke I was met with smirks and unconcerned looks. It was as if they were saying why should we care who you are? I felt really uncomfortable. What was even more alarming was this was the first interaction I had with my black co-workers. Why was it necessary to be rude? I had the sudden urge to eat in the bathroom like Lindsay Lohan but that’s gross so I just ate in my cubicle.
Later in the day I had to use the bathroom, but I had to wait until someone was available to take me because you need a key card for the bathroom. I felt like the third graders who have to go to the bathroom in twos. I’m a big girl now just let me borrow your card and pee. On the way to the bathroom (finally), I had to stop to meet one of my bosses. So there I am standing there being introduced and all I can do is hope I don’t pee on myself. I just squeeze my thighs together and smile.
I think I am finally going to get to go to the bathroom, but then my trainer says I may as well wait because we are about to go get my key cards then I can go. You have got to be kidding me. It was like the longest walk ever to get those stupid key cards. Sidenote: The building where I had to get my keycard had a crazy looking receptionist. Ok. She wasn’t crazy looking but receptionists have to be well put together. I know this from experience. It is the first impression anyone gets when they walk into your company. With that said they should be presentable, dress nice and have their hair combed. This receptionist in particular decided that she was going to take the day off from doing her hair and have an attitude. Back to my day…
Finally I got to go the bathroom. I wish someone would have told me that you can get into the bathroom without a key card. It was getting out that was the problem. I couldn’t understand for the life of me why you needed a key card to leave the bathroom. What did they think I was gonna do take the toilet paper hostage? I later found out it was a shared bathroom between many companies and this ensured no one walked into another company and stole stuff. Whatever.
Friday, December 5, 2008
Sept 26: White Humor
So contrary to popular belief most people in New York aren’t mean. At first glance you could make that assumption but people are still people. As I was leaving the building this morning it begins to rain. A stranger who I have never seen but apparently lives in my building gave me his umbrella and continued his walk in the rain. How nice was that!
Today is what my mom would consider a Tupac Friday. I wasn’t sure why she called them that. Then she told me that on Fridays while she was at work she would play Tupac or Ludacris in her office. I could imagine the look on a co-workers face as the walk into her office to hear I Get Around playing. That’s priceless.
So I was at work today and this older white guy comes up to talk to me. He is one of my favorite people there. He is just so nice. So he comes up to me and says, “Can I tell you who you look like and please don’t get offended.” Uh oh. This can’t be good. “Ok. Go ahead and tell me.” He pauses. “You look like Whitley Gilbert from Fresh Prince of Bel Air.” I just stare at him. “You mean Hilary?” He thinks about it. “Yes yes her. You look just like her and you talk like her and everything!”
I busted out laughing. It was the funniest thing to me. He just jacked up all the black shows. The crazy thing is this isn’t the first time I’ve heard that. I actually have gotten told that I look like her since high school. Or they say a dark skinned version of Hilary Banks. If I look like her does it matter what color? Now I don’t see the resemblance at all. The only thing I can gather is we have the same type of nose…kind of. I don’t know, but I’ve heard it quite a bit.
Today is what my mom would consider a Tupac Friday. I wasn’t sure why she called them that. Then she told me that on Fridays while she was at work she would play Tupac or Ludacris in her office. I could imagine the look on a co-workers face as the walk into her office to hear I Get Around playing. That’s priceless.
So I was at work today and this older white guy comes up to talk to me. He is one of my favorite people there. He is just so nice. So he comes up to me and says, “Can I tell you who you look like and please don’t get offended.” Uh oh. This can’t be good. “Ok. Go ahead and tell me.” He pauses. “You look like Whitley Gilbert from Fresh Prince of Bel Air.” I just stare at him. “You mean Hilary?” He thinks about it. “Yes yes her. You look just like her and you talk like her and everything!”
I busted out laughing. It was the funniest thing to me. He just jacked up all the black shows. The crazy thing is this isn’t the first time I’ve heard that. I actually have gotten told that I look like her since high school. Or they say a dark skinned version of Hilary Banks. If I look like her does it matter what color? Now I don’t see the resemblance at all. The only thing I can gather is we have the same type of nose…kind of. I don’t know, but I’ve heard it quite a bit.
Sunday, Sept. 21, 2008 What do I have to offer?
My heart is so grieved at this very moment. I know for many people this city represents visions of grandeur and lavish, but there is also a very ugly side. There is a certain preparation that you must have to come live here. As a tourist or just visiting you may easily miss it. The best way I can put it is that New York is sick. I’m not talking about sick in the slang sense or sick like gross. I mean physically sick. This place needs so much help.
It is not always represented, but I am an extremely compassionate person. I have a hard time walking by people who need help and not doing something. That’s hard in a place like this. Yes I make jokes about homeless people and people on drugs but it’s a real epidemic. And when you’re so compassionate you can get tricked because you can help people who may not really need or want the help.
Everyday I walk by the homeless, those addicted to drugs, men posing as women, homosexual couples, young pregnant girls and I grieve. It makes me feel sad and helpless because I know on a large scale I can’t do much about it.
Today did it in for me though. Let me set the backdrop. Yesterday, my mother and I went to get pedicures and I ran across a woman who runs a dance team for little girls. She was interested in me coming to help her. I said yes, but as I talked to her I was upset with her. She told me about how she cusses the girls out when they misbehave or how she doesn’t allow fat girls on her team or how the theme of the girl’s show was Bad Girls. My mind couldn’t wrap around how she didn’t understand that she was setting these girls up for failure.
Then today we visited yet another church (that in and of itself is a different story) and the preacher was talking about loving generously. How you didn’t have to change the world to affect someone’s life and show the love of God.
Afterwards my mom and I went to this Africa Day parade and my stomach got sick. All these little girls in the parade from different dance groups and drill teams gyrating to inappropriate music. Young teenage boys confused about their identity prancing around in the same outfits as the girls. Girls who leaned more to the thick side wearing clothes that weren’t flattering to their body types. And most of these girls had to be under the age of 15. Over and over I watched and I cried. I was so angry at their mothers and these dance team leaders. They had no clue that the audience was ridiculing them. I wish you could’ve seen this but I wouldn’t take pictures and let someone else see it. I just kept thinking why Lord? Why? How is this ok? Don’t people see that this is a problem? Why do you have me here in the midst of all of this? What the heck do you want me to do? I don’t want the time I’m here to be for granted.
I still don’t have the answer but I have a start. I know that I love dance and I love mentoring and encouraging young girls. I have also realized I have no true desire to be a “dancer.” I don’t want to dance with Ailey or be in videos. I do want to use the gift that God has given me to help others. All this time I have been trying to be a dancer because that’s what other people were telling me. That if I didn’t accomplish a or b that it would be a waste. All that has done is put me in a box and stressed me out. I don’t want to be in five dance classes a day. I am not willing to sleep in my car to “make it.” I don’t have that drive and tenacity. Yes I have a heart for dance. But that heartbeat I believe lies in something that makes a difference. When I look back whether I dance for Chris Brown or not it doesn’t matter. But if I taught girls about self esteem, discipline through dance then I did what I was supposed to do. So that’s what I plan to do. Start finding some organization or program I can be involved in until I can start my own. Take a few classes a week just because I love to dance and not to make it or impress anybody else. I think that will make me a little bit happier.
Oh did I mention that on the way to the parade a man randomly decided to walk down the street with his Johnson in hand. Just waving it like a flashlight. That’s gross. Then I think how he probably won’t wash his hands. He will probably ride the train and hold on to a rail. A rail that I will later grab with my hand. The same hand I will use to move my hair out of my face. Yeah so I’m thinking hand sanitizer should be a requirement for the contents of my purse.
It is not always represented, but I am an extremely compassionate person. I have a hard time walking by people who need help and not doing something. That’s hard in a place like this. Yes I make jokes about homeless people and people on drugs but it’s a real epidemic. And when you’re so compassionate you can get tricked because you can help people who may not really need or want the help.
Everyday I walk by the homeless, those addicted to drugs, men posing as women, homosexual couples, young pregnant girls and I grieve. It makes me feel sad and helpless because I know on a large scale I can’t do much about it.
Today did it in for me though. Let me set the backdrop. Yesterday, my mother and I went to get pedicures and I ran across a woman who runs a dance team for little girls. She was interested in me coming to help her. I said yes, but as I talked to her I was upset with her. She told me about how she cusses the girls out when they misbehave or how she doesn’t allow fat girls on her team or how the theme of the girl’s show was Bad Girls. My mind couldn’t wrap around how she didn’t understand that she was setting these girls up for failure.
Then today we visited yet another church (that in and of itself is a different story) and the preacher was talking about loving generously. How you didn’t have to change the world to affect someone’s life and show the love of God.
Afterwards my mom and I went to this Africa Day parade and my stomach got sick. All these little girls in the parade from different dance groups and drill teams gyrating to inappropriate music. Young teenage boys confused about their identity prancing around in the same outfits as the girls. Girls who leaned more to the thick side wearing clothes that weren’t flattering to their body types. And most of these girls had to be under the age of 15. Over and over I watched and I cried. I was so angry at their mothers and these dance team leaders. They had no clue that the audience was ridiculing them. I wish you could’ve seen this but I wouldn’t take pictures and let someone else see it. I just kept thinking why Lord? Why? How is this ok? Don’t people see that this is a problem? Why do you have me here in the midst of all of this? What the heck do you want me to do? I don’t want the time I’m here to be for granted.
I still don’t have the answer but I have a start. I know that I love dance and I love mentoring and encouraging young girls. I have also realized I have no true desire to be a “dancer.” I don’t want to dance with Ailey or be in videos. I do want to use the gift that God has given me to help others. All this time I have been trying to be a dancer because that’s what other people were telling me. That if I didn’t accomplish a or b that it would be a waste. All that has done is put me in a box and stressed me out. I don’t want to be in five dance classes a day. I am not willing to sleep in my car to “make it.” I don’t have that drive and tenacity. Yes I have a heart for dance. But that heartbeat I believe lies in something that makes a difference. When I look back whether I dance for Chris Brown or not it doesn’t matter. But if I taught girls about self esteem, discipline through dance then I did what I was supposed to do. So that’s what I plan to do. Start finding some organization or program I can be involved in until I can start my own. Take a few classes a week just because I love to dance and not to make it or impress anybody else. I think that will make me a little bit happier.
Oh did I mention that on the way to the parade a man randomly decided to walk down the street with his Johnson in hand. Just waving it like a flashlight. That’s gross. Then I think how he probably won’t wash his hands. He will probably ride the train and hold on to a rail. A rail that I will later grab with my hand. The same hand I will use to move my hair out of my face. Yeah so I’m thinking hand sanitizer should be a requirement for the contents of my purse.
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