Sun Oct 12 The Game

It’s ok to watch sports on television but nothing is more exciting than watching it live. I have had quite a few interactions with going to games, but today’s was the most fun and interesting.

One of my brother’s best friends plays for the Cincinnati Bengals so I got free tickets to go. Since my mother was out of town I went with my Godmother. So this is an instant replay of that day with fun easy tips in case you attend a football game in the near future. Though by the time I actually post this Super Bowl will probably have come and gone.

Tip #1: If you plan to attend sports events on a regular basis buy a parking pass. Because we didn’t have a Jets pass and refused to support scalping we had to park all the way across America. Not only that but it cost $25 to park miles and miles away from the stadium.

Tip #2: Be prepared to walk. I felt like Moses and the Israelites leaving Egypt. Because we had to park so far away we ended up taking a school bus to get close to the stadium. I hadn’t been on a yellow school bus since my Sophomore Year of High School. Then we had to take a shuttle that left us in the middle of nowhere and still had to walk a far distance to get to the stadium. “Moses, did you bring us out here to die? You should’ve left us in Egypt!” Yeah that’s how I felt. Plus it was burning up hot.

Tip #3: Bring comfortable shoes. I know that the Israelites’ shoes didn’t wear out for 40 years but I doubt Steve Madden has that same shoe warranty. If you are expecting to snag a football player and trick him into marriage put your cute shoes in a bag and wear sneakers. They can’t see your feet while the game is happening, plus there is a bunch of nasty stuff you could step in.

Tip #4: Know where you are going. Stadiums have more than one entrance. So though we had VIP passes we walked to the regular entrance just to get told we had to go somewhere else. Explain to me why the VIP entrance is further away than the regular entrance. How does that make sense?

Tip #5: Hold on to all of your personal belongings and don’t put anything in your pocket. I thought putting my Godmother’s debit card in my pocket was wise so that no one would try to take it. But it fell out of my pocket and an integral stranger flagged me down and gave it back. That was only God because someone else may have stolen it.

Tip #6: wear sneakers. I know I mentioned this but it’s worth mentioning again. I ate a chili cheese dog and had on flip flops. I spilled chili in between my toes and it was hard to clean out.

Tip#7: Don’t anger the fans of the home team. All of the friends and family of the Bengels sat in the same area, surrounded by Jets fans. People take sports very seriously and don’t like losing. I made sure to sit very still and not even breathe. Maybe no one would notice me. Sidenote: Being that the Bengals were 0-7 it’s going to be really awkward to see ____________ if they lose. What do I say? Hi, sorry you lost. Plus who wants to be bothered with friends and family when they just lost their 8th game? Awkward.

Tip #8: Unless you’re buff keep your shirt on. Why is it that the skinniest dude and the guy with the biggest gut want to paint their bodies and go shirtless? How come a model or some hot guy doesn’t do that?

Tip #9: If you don’t like football find other things to entertain you. Football is cool but there were a lot of other interesting things going on. For instance, the one Jets dancer who was consistently a count behind. She was just off. I figured that maybe it was because she had so much hair and it just slowed her down. Or grown men throwing paper airplanes. I saw tons of paper airplanes flying around and hitting people. At first I thought it was children engaging in such mischief. Nope. Grown men. They ripped up the programs and started aiming at people’s heads.

Tip #10: When around football wives and girlfriends introduce yourself immediately. Dealing with athletes wives is a different type of monster. For one, they talk so bad about women and complain. How come the Jets wives get a dressing room and we don’t? How come they can bring their strollers in but we can’t? How come we have to pay for our own hotel? Maybe because you’re not an athlete. They try to figure out who the new women in VIP are. They try to figure out if that is a new girlfriend or maybe their husband’s girlfriend. Some of these women talk so so bad about women. All I could think is that some of them were those girls at one point. The girl in a particular city and just happened to snag him or get pregnant first. So who are they to judge? By the way, the rings are huge. The biggest rings I have ever seen in my life. So do you understand why I introduced myself? No one was going to be rude to me because they thought I was sleeping with one of the players. It was an awkward situation. I don’t get people sometimes.