Sept 30 New Beginnings

One of my favorite books of the Bible is Job. I love that though so many perils presented themselves Job did not waver. Even more so I love the underlying message I feel God gave to us. That he never allows things to be taken away from us without returning something. It may not come in the form or person we expected or ever wanted, but he is still faithful. In Job 42:12 it says that, “God blessed the latter part of Job’s life more than the first.” Wow. Today I feel I got a glimpse of that.

At a very young age, I lost my father. No not because he passed away, but because he was human. I can’t speak for him, but in my opinion he either didn’t know how to be a father or didn’t want to be one. Sure I have an email address and if I needed to get a hold of him I could, but he is practically a stranger to me. I have reached out to him several times, have worked hard to forgive him and yet I still have no father (in a sense). Now is this my fault? No. There was nothing I could’ve done to change the decisions he made. But as I mentioned before he never takes away anything that he doesn’t return.

One of the reasons I felt God had moved me to New York was to reconcile with my father and I was open to that. Not because I care about a relationship with him but because I want to be obedient to God and do whatever it takes to free me. As of yet, that reconciliation doesn’t seem as if it is going to happen.

Then I got a call. It was from my Godfather. I actually have two sets of Godparents but hadn’t really formed any real bonds. I hadn’t spoken or seen my Godfather in over ten years. We had lost contact.

Randomly he happened to walk into the store my brother manages. For some reason my brother kept staring at him and he looked familiar. It is still strange to me that he would even recognize him. Eventually they talked and put together the pieces. My Godfather got my number and called me. We began to talk and he told me that he felt a pressing from God to be a father figure in my life. Not to replace my father but to be someone that I could go to. It was bittersweet. Sweet because this man desired to fill a hole in my life and I wasn’t his daughter. He wasn’t asking me for anything or trying to con me. He just wanted to be there for me. Bitter because I couldn’t understand how a man who wasn’t my father could have a stronger desire to be a part of my life than my actual father did. How after all these years he picked up the phone and apologized to me for getting out of touch when I will probably never hear an apology uttered out of my father’s lips. Now I’m not bashing my dad. I’m not angry at him and have forgiven him. It is awkward because I don’t know exactly how to form this relationship. How to open up. I have no clue, but it’s ok. I just thought it really cool that after all these years I would have a chance to have a father.

P.S. This doesn’t dismiss or downplay anybody who has been a positive role model in my life. Pastor Chuck, I thank you for what you showed me about how a father should love his daughters. I’m sorry I wasn’t at a place to be closer to you and talk to you more. I just didn’t know how. It was and is foreign territory for me. Still it doesn’t take away from how much I love you and appreciate all you have done for me.